Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

jbatista

AnW'sMum and Stormy I have thougth about you both a lot this week, I do hope that both of you are well (as you can be at this time)
The family and I had a good break in Portugal although the weather didnt shine much for us,it was good to be with Family a this time. It just seems one thing after another, I have not gone back to work, I may loose my job but I have so much to do and sort out that work is the last thing on my mind.
I read up on here almost every day but am finding it hard posting, as you both say its the acceptance thing and I am certainly feeling that at the moment. I was up dads doing the gardening only yesterday and I was expecting to see him peering at me through the window telling me not to dig up his flowers!
Its almost a year since my best friend lost her hubby - next friday infact. She says it wont get easier you just learn to deal with it in your own way however that may be.
All my love to you both, and also to everyone else who posts on here.
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Stormybay

Hello Everyone, I hope you all had a good weekend, or at the very best coped with it.
AnW'sMum, how are you? I've been thinking of you all weekend.
I'm having a difficult time coping at the moment, which I feel is rather strange as it's almose coming up to 6 months now since John died. I'm not sure if this is what people call the '6 month low'.
I just feel like I really can't be bothered at all with anything. I'm dreading my holiday next month, I'm going with all my children, grandson and son in law. We are going to the same place we went last year, along with John, and we had a great time, It just wont be the same this year.
I also have a problem with just coping with everything all on my own. The children are actually very good, but I think that they just take advantange of everything (which they actually probably dont). I spend my whole time either in work or clearing up and looking after them. Why can't the boys tidy up after themselves? Why can't they put their washing on, or bring pots down from their bedrooms? Why do they smoke in their bedrooms when I ask them constantly not to...................the list is endless.
My daughter moved into her won place last week and I miss her, this also means that Rosie has to come hope frm school to an empty house for half an hour until I get in from work, and I feel hideously guilty for this too, although she seems quite happy about it.
I'm not sure if all this is just grief catching up with me or what..........I have a great friend, who I went out with for a meal last night, but even when I go out, I feel really insecure and have to force myself not to run home an hour after I actually arrive somewhere.
Rosie's football team won the league and she picked up her trophy, the team manager asked if she could take a framed photo of the team down to the grave, as John always said that they would win the league one day, why did it have to happen when he's not here to enjoy it? God, so many unasnwered questions...........
I'm so sorry for the rant, I just feel I'm going mad......Has anyone else felt like this months after the 'event'?
Love to all
Stormy
xxxxx

Stormybay

Sorry for all the typo's above !!!!!!
Stormy

Snaggles

Stormy, I haven't been through anything like what you have been through, but I am finding that I'm suddenly upset about my Grandma again, probably a combination of it being almost 6 months since she died, and also feeling sad because she would have loved to meet my new baby, she was so happy that i was having another. the feelings you are having sound perfectly natural. I would feel anxious about the holiday too, but hopefully you will enjoy it as much as possible, and create some new happy memories. hopefully you will also feel john watching over you while you are there.

have you spoken to your children about how you are feeling? maybe they dont realise how they are making you feel - they seem like lovely kids from everything you have said about them in the past.

Dumyat

your kids sound just like mine. At the weekend I gave them each a black bin liner and told them they would not see daylight again until I could see their carpets. I cant tell you the amount of rubbish, dishes and dirty clothes that came out of their rooms. I often feel like I am just the hired help. let them know that you are feeling taken advantage of. however if they are like mine and most teenagers we are all wasting our breath its probably more about how you are feeling just now than them, but all the more reason for them to help you.

I wouldnt worry about Rosie coming home to an empty house. its good to let them have a bit of independence. there was a lot in the press last week about kids being too mollycoddled.

congratulations on her team doing so well!

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

The memorial service went very well last Wednesday, I reckon over 100 people came which was fantastic. We had photo memory boards up round church which Alice, William and their cousins did. I also took Ian's commendations down and our wedding pic. At the front of church we had a slide show running off the laptop before and after the service with pictures from Ian as a baby right through to the Quo gig inly a couple of weeks before he died.

I put some words together and after several very deep breaths I managed to read them although even as I stood I wasn't sure I would manage it, so glad I did. Alice wrote a prayer for Ian which Dad read out with her stood beside him. Towards the end of the service we had a Quo track 'The Party Ain't Over Yet' I chose this because the lyrics fitted the occasion so well plus it is a track Alice loves and it was always on in the Doody car (name for Ian's car!). Never having been to a memorial service before I had no idea if what we were doing was right but the responses from the rector before (he married us and Christened A & W) and people afterwards showed that it was just right and fitting for Ian.

I didn't go to work on Thursday as I knew from previous 'significant' days that the day after for me is usually worse and so it turned out. Although all week was tough, clock watching, 'last year we/he would have been doing....'

And now I am feeling really down as it's like he really can't come back now. He has had a year and not come back and now it's over a year he definately can't come back, that must sound really stupid.

I know exactly what you mean Stormy and yes at about 6 months I felt just as you do now. It's the same again just now for me, I just don't want to do anything or go anywhere, really having to force myself. The house is a tip and I am trying to catch up on the washing today. It's almost overwhelming at the moment. I am sat here nodding at your post as I dread going out and can't wait to 'escape' a lot of the time but the good thing is the people I am out and about with understand if I go quiet or worse burst into tears. I just feel like I have a knot in the bottom of my stomach all the time.

I think you are doing really well Stormy, wish I was closer so I could give you a big hug. It's all normal but we will get there, not sure when but we will. When is John's birthday? Perhaps you could do something special for that either on your own with the family or with friends as well.

Well done on Rosies team winning the league and what a great idea to take a picture to John, not the same I know but he will have had a sideline view of it all.

Stormy you are not going mad, we are all here for you and for each other and whilst none of us can ever truly know how any of us feel at least there is an understanding of why you feel like you/we do. You have done so well, keep going it has to get easier, it sure as heck can't get any tougher.

Love to you and everyone

xxx

AnW'sMum

What a lovely pic of Natasha Snaggles make sure you look after yourself as well as that little bundle of joy.

Jbatista (((HUGS))) for you, it must be hard to do the garden knowing your Dad would have been there but well done, he would be proud of you.

Snaggles

AnW'sMum, your post about the memorial service brought tears to my eyes, I'm so glad it was everything you wanted it to be - you were very brave to speak without falling apart.

It doesnt sound stupid at all when you say you are suddenly realising he cant come back - I'm sure that it's the first step towards finding peace and acceptance, and I hope the feelings of being more down that usual pass quickly.

Take care all of you, I'm thinking of you all xxx

Stormybay

Yes, Snaggles, what a lovely lovely baby, I adore my grandson with a passion, he really does keep me going sometimes, as they are so innocent of all the hurt life can bring.

AnW's Mum, I just don't know what to say through the tears, other then thank you, and how brave you are, I'll write more when I can see the keyboard.
Jbatsia, the garden, when growing will bring youso many lovely memories, as mine does of John.......
Thank you Dogrose, they drive me mad, but having said that, my daughter has been in today and vacuumed and done the washing, God love her.
I'm off to London for a couple of days tomorrow, will catch up on my return.
Love to all
Stormy
xxxxxx

AnW'sMum

Just looking in to see how you all are.

Looks like the rain is here for the duration now, ah well at least I am at work so it doesn't matter.

Hugs to you all, have a good day.

xxx