Narcisism!

butterflylady131

Hi Meritaten,
I'm finding this all very fascinating. Think my MIL is one! Is there any chance you could put a link to the old thread? I'd love to read that too.

meritaten

butterflylady131 wrote: »

Hi Meritaten,
I'm finding this all very fascinating. Think my MIL is one! Is there any chance you could put a link to the old thread? I'd love to read that too.

The old thread started here on marraiges but was sent down to the Arms and was on Discussion Time. where it soon got locked!

here is the link
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3228282

butterflylady131

Wow, Thanks Meritaten. I enjoyed reading that, until it just got plain silly. Can understand why people were angry it got moved.
I am recognising a lot of the character traits in a few people I know. MIL is definately one of them. She has to be the centre of attention all the time, and will try and regularly cause arguments between me and DH every 6 months or so. SIL is like this too. Pair of ridiculous drama queens. It's a shame because when we got married, I said to my husband that I was looking forward to having a mother figure again, as my mum died just before I turned 18. Ah well. Needless to say, we don't really have much time for them now. But still, I would love to know of coping techniques when you have to be in a social situation with one.

RacyRed

I work with someone who shows all of the traits. It is an absolute nightmare! Whenever there is big trouble she is always at the core of it. :mad:

SDG31000

My former "Best friend" displays more than a few Narcissistic tendencies. She always had to be the centre of attention when we were together, I was there to be the "Fat" friend who kept her out of trouble and heaven forbid I should look remotely attractive/draw any attention to myself.
Everything was all about her. An example was when my friend's SIL's partner was killed in the London bombings. She had never met/spoken to/knew nothing about the victim or his family, but made it sound like they were best friends and she had known him for years.
I put up with her Husband turning up on my doorstep ranting at me because of things she had told him, I ran down to her house when she threatened to kill herself, leaving my sons home alone. I helped her through a knee injury and her divorce and house move.
In exchange I got ignored for months on end when I disagreed with her or dared to do something she didn't approve of, like wearing a corset when we went out one night and actually took some attention from her for once.
She moved away from the area over 3 years ago. I've seen her twice in that time and the last time was 2 years ago. I'm sure that as far as she is concerned we are still the best of friends and that she is the best friend on the planet. I don't miss any of the drama or stress at all.

RacyRed

The old thread was a good and useful addition to this board, I wonder if it would be possible to have it brought back now?

strawberrychewits

This is a fascinating post, i definately know someone like this but didnt really there was a name for it.

Has anyone every told someone they thought they were a narcassist?

ellas9602

Thanks for resurrecting this Meritaten. I wrote on the last thread about My OH's ex, the mum of my two SDD's, it was I who posted the daughtersofnarcissits link. I've been dealing with her for ten years now, the kids have been with us since 7 and 10 now 17 and 20

You'd think I'd stop being shocked by her behaviour by now but it still takes me aback. They actually visited her this weekend for the fisrt time since xmas because it was DD17 17th birthday. It was the first time they had visited her since xmas (apart from the time she visited them on mothers day and asked to be taken out!).

She was just awful to them this weekend. Really cruel. She wouldn't do anything for them,there was no food, and no shops nearby. She was snipy and sarcastic. DD only wanted a birthday picnic, her mum promised her it would happen but put it off all day and nothing materialised. She'd bought her a £10 skirt for her birthday, not wrapped or anything. She (mum) had planned a girly night out and basically spent all day getting ready for it going on and on about her nails and all the men that fancied her (she's 52!). Kids said it brought back horrible memories of her talking about men and making them talk to men (from chatlines) when they were little.

They fled to paternal grandmas who lives nearby. They were both in tears recounting the day they'd spent with her and have vowed to cut contact. Both girls also have NPD traits (but I don't believe they have NPD). It's difficlut for them, they won't cut ties with her, they've said this before. I think they need somthing she gives them. She understands them.

I feel sorry for the eldest she's really hard on herself. She's extremely selfish and seems to have an inner battle between good and bad going on. I sometimes think if she'd have stayed with her mum she'd have been a full blown Narcissist which looks easier than battling against it...Ignorance (obliviousness?) being bliss?
Just two pennarth for today
* I've been reading NPD literature for years too, I could go on and on and on!

morocha

i know a girl like this, unfortunaly she is family but i am happy she lives miles and miles away.
She is married to my husband's cousin, from he first time i met her, she made my life a misery, she was in love with my OH, but he never liked her, so she ended up with his cousin. I travel 14 hs to be with him, and that first day it was important for us, we went out and there she was acting like a child , doing the silliest things to get his atention, i cried that day i was so angry.

Then we were friends, or so i thought, and she said nasty things about a friend of mine, that friend thought they were v. good friends, so i told her, this girl made my life a living hell, came to the living room with a box of tissues and started screaming and crying non stop in front of her FIL to point out what an awful person i am.
After that incident i really felt so bad, i thought i was really cruel to her, so her Oh being my Oh;s best man we decided to make her a bridemaid to make her feel special.... Ohh boy !... i let them choose the dress, i only said i wanted them to be black, close to the day, and she never sent me a pic, so i asked her for one, she sent me the pic of a bride wearing a wedding dress and told hers is like that, just in black !.. i was so angry with her, she texted me that, i always being jealous of her, and her beauty ? Excuse me ? and i made everthing to make her look bad, aka.. letting her buy the dress then telling her that she was not going to be a BM.
She turned the whole family against me, all except my MIL, BIL, SIL, even nana believed her lies, and when my husband mentioned what happened, said " well she is a very pretty girl"..which my Oh replied, she mighe be, but my girlfriend is far better good looking.
They did not want to come to our wedding, all the family was upset, she made everyone believed that since i wanted to be part of the family all this happened, such a massive big argument, she would not give up, she wanted me to apologize in front of everyone, which i said i was not going to do- i phoned her to finish with the drama, and she said she wanted us to be friends.. which i said no, we are too different, and more tears, more and more... - i am latina you see, i can be terrible too.
At the end, for the sake of nana, they came, she kept charming everyone around and looking at me which such a face, which i ignored, when we left she wanted to take charge of the party, which my BIL did nto allow her to do.. it didnt stop her going around my friends and telling them, i left because of her.

Everything is always about her, after the wedding we did not speak for 5 years, and the family then got to know me better, and they love me now, she hates that i get on so well with her SIL and MIL.
Last time i saw her, 5 years ago, i took my 1yo to her MIL house, everyone saying how beautiful my DD is, etc... and then with the sweetest face she opens her mouth and says " well beautiful is not the word, i would say sweet".. of course she would say that, she think she is the most beautiful girl in the world and no one compares...
I can not believe there is a word for her condition, i just thought she was v. childish and immature.

rozmister

I lived with a narcissticist in my second year of uni. Everything was always terrible, she was always hard done by, nothing went right for her, she'd say she wished she could be like me (have a job, volunteer, have friends) but there was always some reason why she couldn't because life had dealt her such a hard hand (didn't need to work because her parent's paid for literally everything, didn't make time to volunteer because she was too busy watching DVD boxsets, didn't come out or do any social activities & moaned constantly alienating people). She was all consuming, needing constant attention & someone to listen to her and focus on her all the time.

When we lived together I used to try to help her by encouraging her to socialise with people, helping her with things she struggled with and listening to her complain but it was almost like she enjoyed the role she'd cast herself as the poor victim in a tragic drama. For a while I genuinely felt sorry for her until one day when she had a massive go at me laying into me and said a lot of really terrible things including - that I thought I had the worst life in the world because my dad was dead but it was ages ago & I should get over it, that everybody at university hated me and I should drop out, everyone knew I wasn't really mentally unwell & I was faking it (if I am I'm amazing at it because I've fooled a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a psychotherapist and a community mental health nurse) and it wasn't fair because she WAS mentally unwell and no one made a fuss about her and made 'special allowances' like they did for me she just 'soldiered on'. I just stood there and thought OH MY GOD. You're actually a really terrible person.

After the argument where she said all the horrible things I distanced myself from her and now I live in a house with two normal non psycho girls who don't scream at everyone else for no reason or create massive dramas. I am so so much happier and, not that she was the root cause at all, have made real progress with my mental health issues which I think is partly due to having supportive normal friends and a calmer more settled home to live in.