Narcisism!

Louise22

Oh dear some of these traits sound like me in a way which is bl00dy awful

building_with_lego

Louise22 wrote: »

Oh dear some of these traits sound like me in a way which is bl00dy awful

I think that the very fact you recognise that rules you out as a narcissist.

Abbafan1972

I have read a few of the threads about this and my boss fits this description down to a tee!

He is never wrong, knows how to get to anywhere and doesn't need a sat nav, never loses paperwork (he does). Gives you a job to do, explains what it is, then when you've done it, he will say "that isn't what I asked you to do" when it was. His Dad is the companies MD and he will run upstairs to tell Daddy stuff, regularly slams doors, stamp his feet and storms out if he doesn't get his own way and disappear for hours on end. If the rest of us were to do that, we'd get the sack. Thrives on other people's crisis', our accountant a few years ago got mugged right outside our building and had his laptop stolen, he was lapping it up and loving the attention because the police came etc.

His girlfriend has started working there now and he shouts at her like a German army general.

My Nan, who I didn't like, but "put up with", has some of these traits. Would always be nasty to my Mom, would call me "our wench". I used to stay at her house, but didn't like it very much, but just got on with it.

She died in 2002 and I've never been so relieved in all my life, she had such a poisonous tongue.

meritaten

Thanks for sharing your stories people (I am going to thank each of you for sharing)! I hope that like a couple of posters - other people reading this thread will get a 'light-bulb' moment. The moment when they realise it isnt 'them' but they are being manipulated and played like a stradivarius.
That was my intention on resurecting the Narcissist thread. I have observed one from a sort of distance (my MIL) but know how it can impact on family. neighbours and friends just get taken in usually - the narcissist knows exactly how to play every situation to get maximum sympathy for themselves, and YOU somehow become an arch-villain and for the life of you cannot work out why!!!!!
Thats why I am unashamedly giving my own thread a bump now and again!!!!

[Deleted User]

Wow this is really interesting esp Stee's recalls about her father, you can't make this stuff up. I didn't realise any of this until the first thread, then promptly forgot all about it as i don't think i've ever known a Narcissist (sp meritaten???) but it does make fascinating reading - if your not in the thick of it i guess.

Great post OP.

Steel_2

building_with_lego wrote: »

Steel, whenever you post about your father I am fascinated and horrified at the same time. I think you are astonishing to have emerged as rounded and balanced as you have!

I'm not really. I have to work at it every day.

I have inherited the most awful temper and lack of patience which reaches fever pitch when I'm stressed, so I work daily to make sure I don't let things stress me that much, and keep calm. I have to work hard to shut my mouth and think before I speak. I struggle with empathy - my learned reaction is like my father's so I have to pause and push back the learned reaction to let the natural empathetic reaction out. Actually, when it comes to feelings of any kind I have to do that. I believe I have strong learned narcissist traits, but as the months and years go by I'm unlearning them. I see them as a bad habit that can be broken.

The only good thing to come out of narcissism is that I started reading up on psychology to understand what I thought were defects in me.

That's when the rose-tinted specs came off.

Oh, and I married a man who is the kindest, gentlest, most thoughtful lovely soul on the planet (father doesn't like him! Good!) Without my father, I might never have gone searching for the kind of man my husband is.

Steel_2

Something else I should add (sorry for dominating the thread a bit today).

Some of the time my father is ok. We have similar hobbies and tastes and go to the same places. When we click, we click.

That's what made it hard to finally detach myself from him permanently.

But coming on this forum and hearing some people talk about their partners verbally or physically abusing them and then reading their comments about how most of the time their abuser is ok to them, made me realise I was one of them.

Bit of a shock that.

bratz81

Steel - can I just say my mother is the female version of your dad. As you were ticking off the list of things I was thinking yup, yup, yup, check.
Thank you for sharing, I really do appreciate it. For years I've felt like a complete failure of a daughter and my mother has made me feel lower than s**t on her shoe.
It's only recently I've been able to see it's her with the problem and I'm actually not that bad.

meritaten

bratz81 wrote: »

Steel - can I just say my mother is the female version of your dad. As you were ticking off the list of things I was thinking yup, yup, yup, check.
Thank you for sharing, I really do appreciate it. For years I've felt like a complete failure of a daughter and my mother has made me feel lower than s**t on her shoe.
It's only recently I've been able to see it's her with the problem and I'm actually not that bad.

actually Bratz - I am always amazed that the offspring of narcissists mostly are the nicest people - my theory? the narcissist trained them to be nice to them, so it rubs off on everyone else. yes, they do sometimes have problems with learned behaviour traits, but as they get older so they have more contact with people outside of the parents and the LEARNED behaviour becomes weaker, as they recognise that its not desirable, and thier innate empathy and fellow feelings come to the fore!

meritaten

just bumping the thread - if it dies a death after this then so be it - such a shame as the original thread was fascinating and people have stories to tell which are so useful in identifying the narcissist in our lives!