How to help teenage son who doesn't want help?!

kate1976

Gillyx wrote: »

I was a right mopey teenager, dropped out of uni, had a small part time job that paid me peanuts, used to lay about the house moaning and not communicating with anyone day in, day out. My dad sorted me out, stopped giving me lifts places, stopped any sort of money at all, no treats in the house regarding food items, took away the modem :eek: so I had a laptop that couldn't be used, and used to take the plug for the sky box to work with him I soon found a job...

Well I did have the Internet and TV cut off a few weeks back for a while (didn't pay bill on time) and he just went to his friends or my parents house so I know he wouldn't be bothered if I got rid of the net, I can't do that though due to needing it for job hunting!

My parents are the only ones who give him money (I have none) don't get me wrong they get driven mad by him too but my parents are far too nice and do spoil him (and other grandkids) They're set in their ways no matter how many times I've told them not to do it they can't seem to change!

darlyd wrote: »

No your not over the top, I feel the same with my DD1, she is a right evil cow! and I got worse to come, and I am dreading it, I think I might just put myself in a nut house now, before she does.. lol

Don't know what else to suggest, perhaps he is just like this with you, that is what some teens are like, they are horrid to their parents.

I keep saying this is my karma coming back and biting me big style as I was a horrid teenager (apologised to my parents a zillion times) I just wish I could get in his head and make him happy again, it kills me to think he's refusing all opportunities and offers of help!!

Teenagers? Who'd have 'em?!?!?!:wall:

Gillyx

kate1976 wrote: »

Well I did have the Internet and TV cut off a few weeks back for a while (didn't pay bill on time) and he just went to his friends or my parents house so I know he wouldn't be bothered if I got rid of the net, I can't do that though due to needing it for job hunting!

My parents are the only ones who give him money (I have none) don't get me wrong they get driven mad by him too but my parents are far too nice and do spoil him (and other grandkids) They're set in their ways no matter how many times I've told them not to do it they can't seem to change

I really feel for you, because you really are stuck in a hard place. It's not even like you can speak to him about how it's hurting you, if he laughed when you were assaulted.

kate1976

rachelhen wrote: »

It must be so hard for you.
I have a friend who's son became like this for about 12 months then seemed to just turn around and got a job started dating then got married and had 2 children. It all seemed hopeless for a while. The being intelligent thing can be as much of a difficulty for young people as having a learning disability.. I know this from experience. I know this prob not much help but it isn't necessarily going to always be like this.
You mention he was mugged this may be responsible for his feelings now he may be having a reaction to that.

It is very hard at the moment, but I'm hoping a miracle will happen one day (soon, hopefully) and he will turn his life around! I do believe that when he was mugged it knocked the last bit of confidence out of him, I have been trying to look on the net for self confidence classes but they're all expensive and the others I've found he's not interested at all! (Prince's trust etc) He's not sporty or into outdoor things so am stumped as to what to do with him!!! Bin collection tomorrow?!?!?!

FATBALLZ

Sounds a bit like one of my older brothers who was like that at 16 and still is at nearly 30 because my mum lets him doss at home all day wasting his life. I'd kick him out and force him to live in the real world.

kate1976

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Sounds a bit like one of my older brothers who was like that at 16 and still is at nearly 30 because my mum lets him doss at home all day wasting his life. I'd kick him out and force him to live in the real world.

Thank you for that but just out of interest where would he go if I kick him out? I don't intend on letting him doss about forever, I just want to tread as carefully as I can at the moment in case it is depression or mental illness, I may come across as pampering him by saying that but as I said I do understand depression and I don't want to go the wrong way on this!

FATBALLZ

kate1976 wrote: »

Thank you for that but just out of interest where would he go if I kick him out? I don't intend on letting him doss about forever, I just want to tread as carefully as I can at the moment in case it is depression or mental illness, I may come across as pampering him by saying that but as I said I do understand depression and I don't want to go the wrong way on this!

Is there nobody who would take him in? Maybe you should send him to your parents if they keep funding his bone idle lifestyle. I thought the council have a responsibility to house people who get kicked out but I don't know much about it.

Do depressed people take pleasure in their mothers being assaulted by thugs? Obviously you know depression better than I do but don't make excuses for him, don't let him turn out like my brother! I can't even visit my parents now because I don't consider it safe to take my toddler there because of him

kate1976

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Is there nobody who would take him in? Maybe you should send him to your parents if they keep funding his bone idle lifestyle. I thought the council have a responsibility to house people who get kicked out but I don't know much about it.

Do depressed people take pleasure in their mothers being assaulted by thugs? Obviously you know depression better than I do but don't make excuses for him, don't let him turn out like my brother! I can't even visit my parents now because I don't consider it safe to take my toddler there because of him

No there is nowhere for him to go, he can't stay at my parents either, he's ok there for a few hours but not staying! I am not sure kicking him out would be a helpful solution anyway, especially if he does have a mental health issue!!

I am not making excuses for him, I have no idea what went on in his mind when I got punched, maybe, just maybe it was a nervous laugh and he didn't know what to do, maybe it triggered off a memory of himself being mugged? I honestly don't know but I do know I'm not going to let it go on for long, for both our sakes really!!

I just need to try and figure out who is best to help him but at the moment knowing he won't talk to anyone isn't exactly a help to me!

Zoetoes

You're not alone, a lot of teenage boys are like this and it's hard work, I really don't know what you can do to be honest, you are doing a great job and you just have to hope at some point he gets himself together.

I do remember how much how I hated life when I was younger and I wouldn't wish my younger years back! I was very confused and I think teenage boys tend to be worse, more likely to suffer depression etc.

They seem to kind of get stuck and don't know what to do with themselves, in life, in work, anything!

Caroline_a

I have had a lot of dealings with teenagers in both coaching and work training situations. They are an odd breed are teenagers, particularly boys! I have often taken a role with the lads that I have coached as one of 'friend that tells them how it is'. So when they do daft things (and believe me, many of them do lots of daft things!), I was able, as a non-involved adult to say 'dont be an idiot, you know thats a daft thing to do' and they would accept it. Some of them even learnt their lesson!

Sometimes teenagers are happy being miserable. Once he gets another girlfriend he'll soon find that the money that his grandparents are giving him won't be enough to impress most girls, so he'll sort himself out pdq in that situation.

If his friends are saying he's ok, he probably is. Grit your teeth, see if you can find yourself a job and lead by example!

oldtractor

well they do grow out of it but my son unfortunately moved in with his girlfriend had a child,it lasted 2 years then they split up. If only they could be got to 25 without going off the rails in some way.