How to help teenage son who doesn't want help?!

kate1976

Hi all,

Son, 16 years old, doesn't care about anything anymore, he dropped out of school a couple of months ago, although thankfully he does have GCSEs through doing them early (years 9 & 10) He was going to go to college but now 'can't be bothered'. He won't get any help for himself and when I suggest things he 'doesn't want to talk to anyone' 'he doesn't have a problem'

Myself and others (including school before he walked out) tried to get him to Connexions, the doctors (in case of depression), school counsellors, social services (school got them involved but we've dropped off their radar after they came and saw he had a bed and was alive and I'm not sure I want them back again) Anyway so everyone has offered him help/support/advice and generally bent over backwards but he throws it back time and time again!! I brought him up much better than this!!

Now I have people telling me to get him to the doctors etc but quick question how do I do that?? He's nearly 6 feet tall and dragging him is not an option!! He has zero self confidence which I've tried to get him help for but again he isn't interested in helping himself!

I am near the end of my tether with him and I really don't know where to turn next! I've gone cross eyed looking at different sites but still nobody seems to have an answer as to how I can get him to help himself!

He is highly intelligent, easily bored and very moody, I understand teenage hormones are playing a big part but he is so negative and is often saying 'what's the point in xyz, everyone dies anyway' I know he has a point there but I don't want him leading a lonely life as a bitter twisted individual!! It sounds awful but he's dragging everyone down and I can see his friends drifting away and being happy and it's heartbreaking!

Anyway I'm sorry for the long whining post but I would appreciate opinions on where I'm going wrong!!

Also as a moneysaving slant, he wants money but isn't willing to get an apprenticeship/job as that's 'boring' and 'what's the point anyway?'

Darlyd

Argh I feel for you OP. Have you spoken to his friends? Perhaps they could be the answer? Sounds very much like depression.

Get the baby photos out, and go through them, telling him how proud you are of him, and what you had in mind for his future etc. Perhaps this may make him open up a bit?

mrcow

So what does he do all day? Are you in the house with him during the daytime?

make_me_wise

Is there any chance he may be taking drugs?

kate1976

darlyd wrote: »

Argh I feel for you OP. Have you spoken to his friends? Perhaps they could be the answer? Sounds very much like depression.

Get the baby photos out, and go through them, telling him how proud you are of him, and what you had in mind for his future etc. Perhaps this may make him open up a bit?

I've spoken to a few of his friends, they think he's alright and he seems ok when he's with them (well his closest friends anyway)

I've done the photo thing, did it when he turned 16, no difference he just kept saying 'I shouldn't have been born' I'd be happier if you aborted me' etc He just won't open up to anyone, he doesn't like talking and when the school welfare officer talked to him he didn't talk, just got up and walked off!

mrcow wrote: »

So what does he do all day? Are you in the house with him during the daytime?

He goes to his Grandparents or friends houses, the odd occasion he'll stay up in his room and only venture out for loo breaks or food! I am not working at the moment so I'm around often but not all the time!

kate1976

make_me_wise wrote: »

Is there any chance he may be taking drugs?

Nope, in fact he's actually said he'd be more happier if he did but no he doesn't take drugs and I do know that for a certain fact!

Darlyd

Has he got the internet? Sometimes that can make someone more depressed/recluse (did me). If so check his history, this may give you hints.

I don't mean to scare you or anything, and this may be a little different, but a friend of mine, her Son was very sensitive, had the same attitude, as soon as his girlfriend finished with him, he ended his life, he was only 17. . I know I should not of mentioned it and I may get slated, but We need to figure out what is going on. He defo needs help, And the GP is the first port of call. Can you tell him, how scared you are of losing him into depression (don't mention suicide), and he needs to do something to change his life? Is he confused over his gender? Hence being depressed? He needs something to do to keep his mind busy. But what is the question.

make_me_wise

When did this change in him start? It seems he was an above average, bright kid taking GCSE's early with plans to go to college. Now he has dropped out of school and has no interest in life or working towards what could be a bright future.

Has anything happened that could have caused what is in the very least severe depression. His emotional health seems very delicate. Is he well within himself physically?

RachelS

I think he sounds like he has severe depression. The way he is talking sounds very much like me when I had depression. I too am very intelligent and along with that often goes being very sensitive, and over thinking things. Teen psychotherapy might help if you can get him there. But really an adult conversation might help...something along the lines of 'I am sorry you feel like this. It's common to feel like this sometimes. Life is a b***h at times...but the thing to do is find something in it you can enjoy. Not trying to put pressure on you by any means, but can you have a think if there's anything you'd like to try or do this summer that might be fun at least for a couple of hours to take your mind off things?'

You could try telling him that no matter how bad he feels about himself, you think the sun shines out of his backside and always have.

The worst thing to do is tell him what he's thinking is silly, or not real etc, or get angry. Keeping to a routine is going to help him and that's tricky because he obviously doesn't have that at the minute. Getting out of the house, even just to chill with friends, is going to help, as will exercise. I know how hard it is to get someone to do those things though...what about more adventure sports?

If all else fails and he gets worse, call the doctor yourself and see if they can involve the Crisis Team (might be called something else in your area).

kate1976

darlyd wrote: »

Has he got the internet? Sometimes that can make someone more depressed/recluse (did me). If so check his history, this may give you hints.

I don't mean to scare you or anything, and this may be a little different, but a friend of mine, her Son was very sensitive, had the same attitude, as soon as his girlfriend finished with him, he ended his life. . I know I should not of mentioned it and I may get slated, but We need to figure out what is going on. He defo needs help, And the GP is the first port of call. Can you tell him, how scared you are of losing him into depression (don't mention suicide), and he needs to do something to change his life? Is he confused over his gender? Hence being depressed? He needs something to do to keep his mind busy. But what is the question.

He does use the Internet, nothing dodgy though, he is a massive fan of youtube so spends most of his Internet time on there as well as Facebook and MSN with his friends!

I won't slate you for the suicide, I have actually talked to him about how scared I am for him and how I (and others) just want to help but he just doesn't care at all! We have an open relationship when it comes to sex talk etc and he has told me he may be bi-sexual but he knows I'm happy for him to be anything so long as he's happy and he's not bothered about if I'm happy anyway!!

sandraroffey

dont know if this can help, but we had a similar prob with my mother in law!! not a teenage son i know, but.... she wouldnt see anyone, very depressed, sounds just like your lad. so we went to the doctors without her knowing, told them everything, and the doc and psychiatric nurse turned up at the house the next day. she had to talk to them then. they found she was very severely depressed and a course of treatment started, but she had a short spell in hospital as well. give it a try. tell the doc you are concerned for his welfare. they may just call round one day???