Mother in law!!!

RachelS

I would say you don't have an issue with his mother, you have an issue with him. It's up to him to decide how much time he spends with her. You can talk to him about it. If he won't change, you have to decide whether you can live with it. He can't blame her.

pinksleepybear

Yoghurt_Pot wrote: »

She does come to walk our dog and things whilst were at work but she will purposely stay longer to see her son

I think this puts a different spin on it actually - she's coming over every day to do you a favour, I'm presuming you want her to keep walking your dog - and is staying for a chat afterwards. Fair enough, she isn't a hired help.

Weekend stayovers...definitely weird.

Yoghurt_Pot

the_cat wrote: »

Well that part sounds pretty fair actually. Assuming that you are happy with the arrangement of her doing 'things' and walking the dog each day, there is no reason why she shouldn't time her visit to see her son too. She isn't the maid after all!

I'm sorry, the whole overnight visits thing is giving me the creeps though. It's just....... wrong

i know, the coming round in the week thing doesnt bother me too much as long as when i get home she is gone because i obviously want time alone

busiscoming2

I would have got fed up a long time ago and given OH an ultimatum, me or his mum!! So she helps out during the week, could you not slowly reduce the amount of things you ask/let her do so that she doesn't have a reason to visit EVERY day? The sleepover part is really weird. Is her husband not there as well? Why is you OH staying over? Is it both Fri and Sat night?

j.e.j.

MiL sounds like my step-dad's mother. She was widowed and could never let go of her son (though she did put upon her daughter as well). And she wasn't averse to using tears to get her way, too.

Yoghurt Pot your partner's mother is maybe anxious about not having a man about the place at the weekend when her husband is not there, and so she asks your OH to go over? Really he needs to explain to her that this arrangement is not fair on you both.

Yoghurt_Pot

her husband is there, this is what i dont understand, he works away during the week and comes home at weekends

peachyprice

Yoghurt_Pot wrote: »

She does come to walk our dog and things whilst were at work but she will purposely stay longer to see her son

Did you ask her to do this and it is necessary? or is it something that she's just taken upon herself to do?

Fire_Fox

Either she is crying because she is depressed, because she is highly manipulative or because your partner is being unkind with what he says and how he says it. If she is depressed she needs medical help and appropriate support. Please do not assume clinical depression is just being sad, it is a lot more complex that that - if the depression is mild to moderate they may appear to cope in company but fall apart when alone, or can handle familiar situations but not unfamiliar ones. Have you considered trying to help her make friends her own age or take up a time-absorbing hobby? Or forming a positive relationship with her yourself rather than blaming her for your dysfunctional relationship? At the end of the day she is helping you with the dog and, if you choose to breed, will be invaluable with her grandchildren. Perhaps invite her over for specific meals or invite her out for a girls activity, then the contact is controlled by you rather than by her.

You should not be telling your OH anything, you should be discussing this with him as equals in the partnership. He should not be reporting every discussion to his mother, nor should he be hiding behind what you said when explaining his mother you need time as a couple, nor should he be hiding behind his mother's tears when reporting back to you. Dirty weekend away? Date night? Organise something you enjoy but she would not: now you have alone time. TBH tho it doesn't really sound like you and he want the same things out of this relationship. You are saying you don't understand why your MIL doesn't want to spend time with her husband when your OH does not appear to want to spend time with you, loads of dead relationships are like that - some live with it, some work on things together, some split up.

Yoghurt_Pot

peachyprice wrote: »

Did you ask her to do this and it is necessary? or is it something that she's just taken upon herself to do?

She did take it upon herself, but i do appreciate this as the dog is left alone for periods during the day

j.e.j.

Yoghurt_Pot wrote: »

her husband is there, this is what i dont understand, he works away during the week and comes home at weekends

oh! sorry, must have mis-read. In that case I really don't understand why the sleepovers, lol! What does MiL's husband say about all this?