Mother in law!!!

Person_one

I wonder how she'd react if next time she let herself you in you and the OH were enjoying a bit of 'couple time' on the living room carpet...

Could that be arranged?

beabea81

Yogurt_pot... you don't actually seem very keen on solving this. Do you want him to stop seeing so much of her or not?

If you do the only way is to refuse to allow her over on some days of the week and to give him an ultimatum... he lives with you or he lives with her. Are you worried you would lost that contest? If so, imagine how you will feel when you have children and even they are not important enough for him to reduce his 'mummy time'.

If you are not important enough for him to put you first then you really do have to consider some things about your future......

shy-but-need-help

I come from a family that is "big on family" too, and my DH comes from a family where his mother depended on him hugely in his teens to play man of the house and to help raise his younger sisters but being part of an extended family HAS to include accepting your child needs to grow up and move on in their own life otherwise they're going to be a long time lonely.

Would the sister on the otherside of the world have a discussion with either of them for you if he's not listening to you? (I know my DH's sisters are more than willing to smack him upside the head for me when needed and sometimes hearing things about his mother from someone who has the same commitment to her as he does is more useful than him hearing the exact same thing from me who is just married into her family)

The sleepover at moms is plain weird when you live within commuting distance, only reason we stay with family is if they live too far to commute home that evening or if DH wants to be able to drink whilst there.

the_cat

Yoghurt_Pot wrote: »

there is nothing wrong with her, she is only 54 and she is perfectly fine!

i spoke to my partner and he said if i didnt want to see her then i didnt have to come

This is NOT the behaviour of someone who is perfectly fine! I would be seriously concerned for the mental state of either of these people (MIL and OH)

As for your 'partner', he is basically saying 'if you don't like it, tough. My number one priority is my mother. My most important relationship is with my mother'

That makes you a sh+g buddy, not a partner.

Money_maker

Perhaps if MIL's OH spent more time at home with her then she wouldn't rely on your OH so often. Does your OH or you work? If so, what does she do all day in your house?!

Yoghurt_Pot

Of course i do! he finishes work two hours earlier than me and ive just told him that i dont care if he sees her then but she has to be gone before i get back and he isnt to stay over anymore... he's almost thirty and he's acting three
He said he will do it but im not sure how long it will last

Yoghurt_Pot

[QUOTE=If_so,_what_does_she_do_all_day_in_your_house?![/QUOTE]

She does come to walk our dog and things whilst were at work but she will purposely stay longer to see her son

gillypkk

wow i cant believe the restraint you have shown so far!!

i see my mum almost every day and spend either saturday on sunday with her and my dad but im a single parent and they are my only support network so me and my boys need to interact with other people! when i find someone i wont see her nearly as often and she is more than aware of that!

your OH and MIL need to cut the strings and forge an adult relationship instead of carrying on with the child/parent relationship they are currently exhibiting.

ultimatums i dont think will work here. maybe a bit of showing him how it feels might? get your mother or friends round every night and then go out with them and stay over at one of their places so he gets to see how it feels.

its not normal to sleep over at his mums every weekend. is his dad still on the scene or is she alone and he feels responsible for taking care of her?

oh and change the locks so she doesnt have a key and tell you OH that the locks will keep on being changed if he insists on giving his mother a key!

SavingPennies_2

How does he feel about it. Is he pressurised but doesnt really want to go but does so for fear of upsetting her? Or does he actively want to go?

the_cat

Yoghurt_Pot wrote: »

She does come to walk our dog and things whilst were at work but she will purposely stay longer to see her son

Well that part sounds pretty fair actually. Assuming that you are happy with the arrangement of her doing 'things' and walking the dog each day, there is no reason why she shouldn't time her visit to see her son too. She isn't the maid after all!

I'm sorry, the whole overnight visits thing is giving me the creeps though. It's just....... wrong