Mother in law!!!

Yoghurt_Pot

Hi

Just a quick one, my partner and i have been together 3 years and a year ago moved into our own property.

He is very close to his mum and she comes round everyday and he stays there every weekend... we never get anytime alone... she cries whenever i try to say to him i'd like us to spend time without her becuase of course he tells her what i say, she has a key to our flat because he gave her one...
He is almost 30 and while i accept their closeness i also think we should have time alone,

How can i say this without seeming unreasonable?

Person_one

Why on earth did you move in with this guy?

Time to stop 'accepting their closeness' I think. Mother/son sleepovers every weekend are just plain weird.

*max*

Wow. She comes round everyday and he stays at hers every weekend? Really??? No wonder it's doing your head in, I would never put up with it!
Does she have particular problems he needs to help her with, or is it just a serious case of being "mummy's boy"? If the latter, you need to seriously consider where your relationship is going. Have you told him how you feel about it?

the_cat

Whilst the overwhelming majority would understand your desire for a life with some degree of seperation from MIL, I suspect that neither of them will be receptive no matter what way you phrase it.

To them you will seem unreasonable whatever you say. But you will still have to say it and insist on some changes.

Or you could use my preferred method for dealing with this situation - RUN A MILE!:eek::eek::eek:

*max*

Person_one wrote: »

Mother/son sleepovers every weekend are just plain weird.

That. :eek:

beabea81

I'd love to be able to give some very sweet advice about how you can communicate with your partner. Unfortunately the answer is as blunt as you need to be with your partner.... sorry!

He has to be told in no uncertain terms that weekend sleep overs are now stopped and daily visits have to go too.
It is half your home too so with that in mind you get to decide who enters it on at least 3.5 days a week!

If she does have health concerns then maybe you can help your partner find an organisation that will help to relieve the commitments of your partner.
Good luck x

Yoghurt_Pot

she is very big on family she has two girls and him, she did have another son but he died, so my partner is the first born and now the only son

sueeve

As you have a financial interest in this property the problem is more complicated, but I honestly don't see that you can resolve it without straight talking. Tears will be a part of that; they are a powerful tool of manipulation. If you really can't live with this, and I certainly wouldn't be able to, I think your only option will be to ask him to buy you out. I don't see where there is a long term realtionship in this. What was it like before you moved to this property?
It is not you who is being unreasonable. Does the lady have particular problems with loneliness etc?

Person_one

Yoghurt_Pot wrote: »

she is very big on family she has two girls and him, she did have another son but he died, so my partner is the first born and now the only son

So that's her excuse?

Counselling may help her, infantilising her adult son isn't good therapy!

Lucy1973

Person_one wrote: »

So that's her excuse?

Counselling may help her, infantilising her adult son isn't good therapy!

Well said. Sleep overs at his mums every weekend?? That's not healthy...for him or his mum:eek:

Yoghurt_Pot

it was fine before we moved here as we lived farther away and in a house share whilst saving for a deposit, i think she is lonely, her huband works away all week but i dont see why he has to stay there at weekends