The teflon wagon

Bad_Weather

Hi Saving Holmes... :hello:I'm back... (tail between legs).... with a very long post. I'm going to come off as a nasty person in this email but I have got ALOT of things I need to get off my chest! :mad:

So to summarise my absence? Erm Guilty conscience...? Didn't want to come on here and declare my sins but I guess its the only way I'll move forward.

So I've kept up with the family loan, paid £500 this month...that is my only good deed this month. Best start with the positives.... :money:

Onto negatives:

1) My credit card is now up at £3,375. My limit is only £3,300 so I'm over my limit (incase you didn't work that one out). :eek:
2) I've went over my overdraft a couple of times. So will be hit with those fee's this month. :eek:
3) I have no money AT ALL.

I'm looking pretty haggard these days. I think the stress of this last year has finally got to me!

What went wrong Bad Weather I hear you cry? WELL It was my birthday at beginning of November (5th). :j So because I've been looking a bit crap I went out and bought myself some lovely new outfits. Not as though I don't have enough clothes eh? We'll then things just spiraled out of control, new shoes, bags, eating out loads with my mates, drinking. Back to good old days. NOT. :mad:

I've reined it back in. Had a full week of NSD (really due to the fact I have £10.22 in my account). And am very determined. :money:

My determination and what made me snap right out of it has been fuelled by nothing other than ANGER. :mad:

RANT ALERT.

Cheap friends, we've all got on eh? We'll my friends tight fist has finally been the straw that broke my back!

The cheap friend, she's the kind of person who doesn't pay her full share at dinner, we'll order wine, she'll says she's driving but she'll have a glass of wine. She'll also share a starter, but when the bill comes she says she's only paying for main course as she wasn't drinking. Eh aye, but you had a glass of wine, you shared a starter, your diet cokes cost £2 AND we need to leave a tip!!! :mad:

Two friend got engaged and she spend £10 each on them on cutlery and something else. Our other friend had a baby and she spent £10 on a baby outfit. Now that's she's pregnant she asked us (4 of us) to chip in for an £110 Moses basket! Which normally I wouldn't mind but I find the bitter pill hard to swallow as I know if I was pregnant/engaged £10 bucks would be getting spent on me! She asks for presents that are £20-£25 quid but she'll only ever spend £10-15 max on you.

She's doesn't put into the work cards but will sign them. God I could go on and on. Plus she's minted and stays in this big house! But you know what It's not just her I've just got fed up spending X on someone for their birthday and it's just not appreciated.

[SIZE=+0]Don't get me wrong I got beautiful presents with alot of thought, but 1 or 2 of them have alot more money than me and I spend more on them. I always have it in my head that I should spend a certain amount on birthdays but you know what...it's just not appreciated so I'm totally going to STOP RIGHT NOW! £20 max for everyone!

But it's not their fault...It's my own fault...even for secret Santa :xmassmile at work I was going to spend £10 bucks when the limit is £5? Why? Incase they find out that I spent the actual amount? :doh:

Anyway...

RANT OVER.

To summarise I've got less money than them and I need to be smart now on what I spend. I don't want to be cheap but at the same time I'm starting to be cheap to those who are cheap! So baby present she got £15 bucks spent on her. Not a penny more. Her baby will be getting £5 spent on it at crimbo. Half the battle is being organised enough so I find something I like at a reasonable price! :wall:

My other mate always goes to wee boutiques to buy gifts and puts them in wee boxes so they look really expensive, so next step is to stay away from brand names! Secret Santa found the gift I wanted in the sale from £6 to £4.50 so got that for the person! Maybe get them a wee choc Santa to make it up to the £5? Or maybe not...I'm getting harsh these days.

[SIZE=+0]God I needed to have that rant to someone! And I know you shouldn't give to receive and for years I haven't minded but when I'm this skint - I get the rage, they aren't skint, they earn more so why am I spending more?

On to the positive steps...other than going to anger management...:rudolf: (random but how cute is this face?)

Anyway me and the OH have done a massive food shop for next 2 weeks. Going to freeze everything! Sticking to the meal plans. They really help. Been bringing lunches to work and gorging on the sweets others have brought in...why...cos they are free and I've probably brought in more than anyone in my work! :beer:

I am using the anger as my fuel going forward. Also looking at some of my mates as inspiration. The ones who don't follow trends but buy classics and then change them up with accessories! I need to be like this! She always has money as she doesn't buy a new outfit all the time,she's just accessorize up other things and you can't tell. Don't get me wrong she has alot of clothes, but so do I and I don't wear half of them and they are good clothes!!!

Even if no-one reads this I feel better...

I love this forum. I luv my fellow MSE's and how no-one judges my spelling or grammatical errors! Which I'm sure in this one there are alot![/SIZE] x :coffee::grouphug::dance::heart2:

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miggy

Hello Bad Weather, lovely to hear from you again!

Now before I reply I must warn you I am in the middle of cooking so I shall reply in fits & starts. Sorry in advance.:o

Firstly, you don't come across as nasty - in fact I think loads of people can sympathise. If you've seen Martin's :money: Facebook (I think that's where I saw it) he has a campaign against giving gifts for the sake of it, which is slightly different but it shows so many of us struggle because there is a culture of gift giving (and it isn't a fair one).

Secondly, well done for a good chunk out of the family loan :T:T:T

miggy

Mm, homemade cookies straight out of the oven... for some reason there aren't as many now as there were...

(Told you I was baking. )

While we're on the subject, I know this is a bit late but

:bdaycake:

for the fifth! Hope you had fun?

Your cheap friend, well she's got a cheek to say the least. You could see what other friends think about her and if it's an issue then could you change the rules at the next meal out and make a stand? I don't know what else to suggest unless you're happy to see less of her.

miggy

Clothes spending... you say you've got lots already but you needed some new ones? Now this sounds cheeky but it isn't meant to be - what's wrong with the ones you had already? Do you look good in them? If not - Ebay some and help pay for Christmas.

Someone gave me the advice once to put a sticker on every piece of clothing one day and take the sticker off as you wear the items. Any that are left after six months (put the date in your diary) are probably not going to be worn so they can go - a wardrobe of stuff you actually wear is worth whole rooms of stuff you've worn once.

Another idea is a swishing party - I'm sure there are instructions online somewhere... ah, yes! http://swishing.com/

There's a thread on here with the Crazy Clothes Challenge which might be of help.

Now ask yourself - why the clothes? And why the giving? What do they mean to you? Are you one of those people who show love by giving? Is there another way to feel good about how you look than buying more clothes? You mentioned classic clothes and here I have to admit some of the classics I bought in my twenties (not last year ) are now being worn by my daughter. They really do come round and some of them never really go out. This might come in handy, or there are other things on the net to help you think the clothes thing through.

Well, I need to go and do some more food (we have a birthday in the house) so I shall leave you in peace for now. Tempting to go through my wardrobe now I'm thinking about it (need to take my own advice ) but pizza and chips are calling!

Bad_Weather

Ohh thanks Miggy!

I'm just having a flying visit pre work but i too will reply properly later!

But you (as always) have words of wisdom!

Luv ya x

miggy

Aww, thanks!

I have a feeling I may have said some of the things before. Never mind - you can always ignore me!

Maybe the 'cheap' friend is one to take off the dinner list and put on the coffee list, IYSWIM? Just don't get cake with your coffee or you may end up sharing it!

Bad_Weather

Ohhh my friends think the exact same of the cheeky friend. We all have Rants. We get so embarrassed though and don't want to say anything though incase WE seem cheap - ironic eh! :mad:

And you are spot on Miggy - She has already been relegated to coffee status! She does mean well but she's very cheeky. I almost wish aswell that she didn't by me a birthday present (nasty side coming out again) as its always something that I never really use, then I wouldn't need to buy her one and I'd be £20 quid better off! :mad:

Loving your FlyLady link! Defo going to try this out! So true about the clothes items and mixing and matching, that is something I really need to do. :money:

I don't ebay my clothes (I'm not all nasty) as I give them to the homeless, not a charity shop, to a shelter where they give them out to the truly homeless. I know with my financial situation I probably should ebay them. But I just can't help thinking no matter how bad things get I've got a roof over my head and a family who would support me. The small amounts I'd make are just not worth it - I get more satisfaction than money could ever give me giving them to the homeless. Currently doing another clear out and going to get some winter jackets in there, one is a North Face one! That should keep someone warm this winter On a lighter note this should get me some points for the big G man and those pearly gates for my judgment day :A

You asked why I keep buying clothes and why the giving. And honestly I've not stopped thinking about this all day. And after all those hours of thoughts I've came up with the following - I don't know! :eek:

I've seriously think I've got a mild spending addiction. The reason I think this 3 fold:

1) I don't care what I'm spending on
2) I don't care who I'm spending on
3) I love spending

Maybe not valid reasons but I'm really starting to think I do! Plus I get the guilt and anger once i've spent. Like an addict! My ex once said to me the same thing, that I just loved spending money it didn't matter on what! In hindsight he may have had a valid point... :wall:

So currently plan (until I get a better one), I currently have £10 in my purse. I'm going to see how long this will last me! Not long... as I have to buy 2 cards tonight...going to go to asda and try and get them as cheap as possible! x

PAYDAY today! :T Put £500 to family loan, £100 to credit card (X-mas presents to be purchases), Moved my rent payment forward so it come out of my bank as soon as I'm paid! Less wiggle room for spending! With the exception of today I've had a week of NSD's - RESULT! :dance:I think this is honeslty the first time EVER I have done this!

Bravo for the cake! I'm well Jel (towie anyone?). :rotfl:I attempted to make one last week and took it out too early and it collapsed on me. I couldn't save it so It went to cake heaven that was my shiney bin. I plan to master a good cake - it's going to be my party piece! Will hopefully save me pennies as a result! :money:

Fortheloveofmoney

Loving this thread!

I think everyone knows someone like your friend.

Before having our little one, we used to go out for dinner with friends a couple of times a month. We always split the bill. Anyway one day I decided to drink less and I noticed how much one of the friends and her partner drank. Absolutely loads! They would be drinking 3-4 bottles of wine to everyone else's 1.

One day we went out for a curry and myself and my hubby only had a main course and soft drinks and our total spend should have been around the £30 mark. She wanted £50 from us! I stood up for myself and said no. Since then our restaurants bills are always £20 less than they used to be.

It was horrible to say no though and we do see them a lot less than we used to. The look on her face was awful but I refused to subsidise her drinking any more.

Bad_Weather

Hi fortheloveofmoney (love your name)!

Yeh i agree, i like to think that these things even out but sometimes there are people who just take the mickey!

You probably see them less as they've realised dinner now is much more expensive now that they don't have people subsidising it! I wonder if they would be so extravagant with the wine and dinners if it was just the two of them! I'd put money (if i had any) on a bet that they wouldn't!

"The look on her face was awful" they make you feel like the cheeky ones when THEY are the cheeky ones it's infuriating! :mad:

Well i only meet this friend for coffee now and i make sure i buy my own :rotfl:

Bad_Weather

Well it's end of Saturday!

Total (non budgeted) spend today is £1.29 on a card for my friend! Not bad eh! :dance::money:

The mother in law took me for lunch today - for free - RESULT! HIGH FIVE! :T

My sister also asked for a loan of £25 till monday. YES that is right fellow DFW's someone has borrowed money off ME. If only she knew! Ho Ho :santa2:

Also bought my sisters b.day present for approx £29 bucks. Should have been £40 but with a bit of shopping around and a 20% off voucher on the net I got it for £29! A saving of £11. RESULT! HIGH FIVE! :T

Also persuaded myself that I didn't in fact need the tesco pick n mix due to the £3 cost...mmmmmm don't know how long I can keep that willpower up for! :think: