Stop me before I do something rash!!!

celyn90

smartpicture wrote: »

There are 3 other similar-aged teenagers going, including two of my own, so I do have some idea what teenagers like. My own two are really excited about doing some of the activities and we've negotiated how much time they can spend on their own and how much doing family stuff, and they seem happy - either that, or they know which side their bed is buttered if they want any more free holidays! :rotfl:

But have you actually involved your neice - or have you just centred round your own kids in the planning?

I have several cousins, some I like a lot, others I can't bear; so the fact she will have company her own age is dependent on if she would chose her family contemporaries as her friends.

She may well be excited about it, she may not - but I think you need to accept that people are different and just get on with it. Some people do the duty stuff with good grace - others do not. She says she doesn't want to go - but she *is* still going, she *is* giving up her weekend, despite her feelings, so she is still being complient with your wishes and not wreaking your plans - she simply (accidently or not) showed you some of her internal dialouge. You can force her/guilt her into attending - but you can't force her to think differently.

I would have been fed up if I had to do this at this age (mainly because I spent every waking hour working and I would not find places like CentreParcs fun). I would have been polite enough not to show it and I would have gone, but I would have hated it. I would have told my friends and what she is doing is no different - she's just doing it on facebook.

I think you need to cut her some slack and stop being so uptight about a passing comment to her friends. If you don't want to be party to her thoughts, unfriend her on facebook.

She isn't a bad person because of how she feels - she is still carrying out your request and you simply don't like to hear that what you have planned does not excite everyone as you are expecting absolute gratitude because of the work you have put in. She obviously thinks enough of her grandparents to attend despite her feelings; and it is about them after all.

caledonian_princess

Personally I would have hated the idea of a family weekend like this when I was 17 and I would have moaned long and loud about it too. As for "organised activities" with cousins, I couldn't have imagined anything worse. Even now I'd be thinking that you'd designed me my own personal circle of hell but at least these days I'm grown up enough to stick a smile on my face and try not to hurt other peoples' feelings; when I was 17 the only person with feelings that mattered was me.

Complaining is standard form for teenagers, I wouldn't worry about it. Just try to relax and have a good time, I think that's the best way for everyone else to have a good time - let them do their own thing.

Molly41

smartpicture wrote: »

Yeah, I do get the bit about the not wanting to hang out with us oldies lol. But we're going to Centre Parcs and I've deliberately booked a few activities just for the teenage crowd so they've got something to look forward to in-between the family stuff. I've honestly tried my best to think about how everyone can enjoy the weekend, and it's disappointing to feel your efforts aren't appreciated, but I guess that's teenagers for you!

I suppose I'm just getting a bit ratty because everyone else is looking forward to a relaxing weekend while I'm running around booking activities and organising meals and picking up cakes and decorations and trying to remember to pack blu-tack and matches. The Centre Parcs idea was my sister's idea, partly because there would be lots for teenagers to do. At the time, my brothers and sisters said we'd all share the planning, but that changed to, "but you're so good at it" and "I'm really busy" and "I'll do the next one". I'm just a mug!

But I'd like to be an appreciated mug.

OMG what a spoilt brat. I would be mortified if I was her mum especially as you are going to Center Parcs which is fabulous for a 17 year old. My kids would be over the moon to go as it has so much to do. Actually I would have a word with her parents because its not acceptable to write such horrid stuff even at 17.

Sambucus_Nigra

I would respond with 'ROFL - like we want you dorky kids on hols with us adults.' Or just 'like' it and post a winky face.

January20

Person_one wrote: »

Wow, then you can write me off!

I wouldn't lift a finger to make one set of my grandparents happy, entirely because they've been very 'poor relatives' to me and my close family all my life. Just because somebody shares a few strands of DNA with you does not mean they are automatically worthy of your time and energy.

I think you and I would make good relatives. We both speak our mind and are not afraid of our opinions!

I didn't think about that scenario at the time, but I agree with you. In this instance you are right! My post was written with me thinking about a "happy" (is there such a thing? ) family, where people generally get on and quite like each other, like most of my family I suppose. The OP didn't say there were any tensions in her family so...

pelirocco

rachbc wrote: »

I have to say I can't understand why you expect a 17 year old to be grateful for organising a trip she doesn't even want to go on..... I found family get togethers cringeworthy at that age and now only find them bearable if I can play with all the small people and stop comparing school results/ uni applications/ jobs/ houses (delete as appropriate for age) with cousins who I only see a these events

And as a guest at these sort of events a wound up host/ organiser just about puts the kybosh on any enjoyment. Sounds like all the fun has been organised out of the weekend - not just for you but for everyone. I'm sure your parents will appreciate having their family around them all together in one place but above and beyound that all the rest of the stuff (cakes, decorations, activities etc etc) don't really matter. So step back, chill out and relax and enjoy your weekend.

There is a difference between being grateful and being out and out rude . The girl is seventeen she should know the difference by now .

dixie_dean_2

Get over it.

shy-but-need-help

caledonian_princess wrote: »

Personally I would have hated the idea of a family weekend like this when I was 17 and I would have moaned long and loud about it too. As for "organised activities" with cousins, I couldn't have imagined anything worse. Even now I'd be thinking that you'd designed me my own personal circle of hell but at least these days I'm grown up enough to stick a smile on my face and try not to hurt other peoples' feelings; when I was 17 the only person with feelings that mattered was me.

Complaining is standard form for teenagers, I wouldn't worry about it. Just try to relax and have a good time, I think that's the best way for everyone else to have a good time - let them do their own thing.

Yes, this entirely! Growing up the only thing my cousins and I had in common was the fact my grandparents were all our grandparents, a few of us got along, a few humoured each other and a few fought to the point of broken noses if left long enough together! My kids are the same with their cousins, they all have very different attitudes & lifestyles based on the way they've been raised (our kids have "hippy" laid back parents, my sister is near militant with her son, SIL1 is errrm, a chav for want of a better description and SIL2 molly-coddles, S-SIL has very streetwise children, so five sets of very different children because of their upbringing, at the moment that makes for a few bickering bits but when they're all teens it'll be alot more divisive.

The other thought on you mentioning activities for all the teenagers, was where does the 17 year old fall in terms of ages with everyone? I am that awkward bit in the middle with my cousins- when I was 17 they were all either newly weds in their 20s or under 13s, I didn't fit with either group. Now my oldest child is nearly 5 years older than her nearest cousin, when we organise activities they seem fun to all the others but DD1 is just humouring them all because she is so far apart from their all in age, the 4 gap from the 8 year old to the toddlers seems alot smaller than the 4 year gap from her to the 9 year old.

smartpicture

Well I decided not to reply at all and just put it down to general teenage stroppiness. Feeling more relaxed about it today, picked up the cake which looks lovely and have everything organised, so glad I didn't respond initially and start a war. Maybe she forgot I was on her friends list, I don't know. Her older brother sent me a nice email thanking me for organising everything, maybe partly because of seeing her comment, which was lovely.

I'm just going to focus on making it a lovely weekend for my mum and dad and enjoy having the family all together, for what may be the last time. I'll be nice to her if she speaks to me, but not force my obnoxious presence on her lol. And I won't mention her comment because as some have said, she's allowed to not enjoy it, so long as she makes an effort to turn up and not spoil it for everyone else then fine. I doubt she'll be outright rude now I've had time to think about it. We all get on usually, although don't spend much time together because of the distances involved, but no obvious family frictions so I'm sure it will all go fine.

Ever the optimist, that's me :rotfl:

p3nnylane

Am I the only person who reads this as 'my niece has posted on fb moaning about me, so I am now going to moan about her on mse'?

Honestly, the girl is 17. She is a girl. You are an adult.

I appreciate that you have gone into a lot of effort organising this, but I know that I wouldnt have wanted to go on a family weekend at 17. At 17, it was all about me.

As an adult, I now realise the importance of family.