Daughter says she has no friends:-(

JosieJump

Hi JulieJay it's a toughie - I completely understand what you're going through. I had exactly the same with DD (now 13) in primary and the school wouldn't help at all. We struggled on thinking that she would meet lots of new friends in secondary but the same thing happend but with new girls.

She did swimming and guides which helped but the best thing has been her theatre group. It's run by the council so not as expensive as the franchise ones and it's given her loads of confidence and she's made some good friends.

She's also an August baby and frequently says that she wishes she was in the year below.

Hopefully with the help of the school you can get this sorted for a fresh start in September.

Hugs from both of us to both of you.

Fuzzy_Duck

CFC wrote: »

I had no friends at school but I lived through it. It's tough but sometimes that's just life. You mention that she can't run fast and is no good at games, is she tubby? I was a tubette at school and you get bullied for it, because nobody wants to play with the slowpoke.
If she is do her a favour and help her slim down. If she's not a tub, why is she no good at games rather than just not the best?

It works both ways. I was skinny at school and I really wasn't that bad at games (certainly not the worst!) I still got picked last. I guess wearing glasses, acting my age and paying attention in class made me out to be a geek, and according to the intellect of my class mates, that means you can't possibly be any good at games.

The way I see it people bully those who are an easy target (so anyone with a feature that doesn't fit into their conformist perfection views) but generally those who are easy prey. So if you're nice, like your daughter is, you're easy pickings. Don't ever let her think this is her fault- it's not, and being a lovely, caring person is something these bullies will never have.

I'm really glad she's feeling better. If she does struggle in future, don't rule out a change of schools. As someone who's gone through bullying and ended up with some social issues because of it (thankfully improving but I don't think they'll ever go away entirely) it's just not worth putting up with. A better school with a fresh start could make all the difference.

Big hugs to you and your daughter x

pigpen

It is hardly fair saying the childs weight has any impact on her ability to be liked by these other children.. if you said it was because of her race or religion you'd be hung drawn and quartered..

I was a teeny tiny child I weighed just over 3 stone at 12 and I was then and always wil be completely and utterly useless at sport.. I couldn't run fast, I have no co-ordination, I fall over my own feet.. I was a benchwarmer.. I was skinny, I didn't wear glasses, I do not have ginger hair.. all the reason children are unpleasant to others didn't apply.. I was just plain useless. Children are vile little creatures who will sense a weakness and batter away relentlessly..

One of my children was a wee chunky thing at 8-10... then sprouted into a beautiful young woman by 16.. she is a tiny size 8 now.. she didn't develop anaemia or low bone density like many teenage girls who simply donot have the body fat to grow properly..

Girls don't usually tend to have multitudes of friends anyway, they have one.. and every so often they'll fall out and get a new one or get the old one back.. I found about 9-10 as they start puberty they change friends, then again about 14 and again at around 16..

I bet if you speak to the teacher they'll say oh she is friends with S this week or that her and her friend had a tiff this week but it'll sort.

sapphireeye

Others have recommended Brownies and I highly recommend it for your daughter, especially if she likes crafty activities. Brownies do a lot of crafts, they might have sleepovers, play lots of games and do other interesting activities, there's not really lots of sports and everything is designed to include everyone. It'll be a bit scary at first but she'll be put into a 'six' where she'll automatically be in a group of girls so she can get to know that smaller group first and sit with them during activities. I'm not a mother but I've been involved in Guiding for a lot of my life and had a lot of friends through Guiding and a lot of good times I would never have got anywhere else!

Also.... it worked for me at the age of 23 I moved to university and was struggling to find people who wanted to do things other than going out getting drunk so I got back involved in the Guiding association and made some new friends there as everyone is so welcoming If it can work for me at 23 then it can work for your daughter too.

CFC

juliejay wrote: »

She is also a bit tubby this year, just puppy fat but it isnt helping. We could maybe try going running together but she'll probably beat me-which would be good for her- because I never had the PE gene either. Going to get the wii fit out tonight and we can all go on that and have a laugh at the same time.

That is a fantastic idea. Not only will it help her become fitter but she'll get a boost from beating you

I would have lost weight when I was a child if my mother had helped me by being constructive instead of making me feel that there was something wrong with me for being fat and that I should magically stop it!!

Pigpen, weight and being useless at games is a reason that kids get picked on - not the only one, but a definite one. (Race and religion might also be as we live in the real world not a political dream one, but in this case it seems unlikely as its not been mentioned at all.). Sounds like you were being picked on for being underweight!

pigpen

CFC wrote: »

Pigpen, weight and being useless at games is a reason that kids get picked on - not the only one, but a definite one. (Race and religion might also be as we live in the real world not a political dream one, but in this case it seems unlikely as its not been mentioned at all.). Sounds like you were being picked on for being underweight!

No I was just useless lol, I am under no illusion about that.. I was quite popular but was always a benchwarmer. I wasn't picked on at all.. by anyone.. they wouldn't have dared!