Daughter says she has no friends:-(

juliejay

Forgot to say DD is nine, doesnt enjoy sports much except swimming - she likes reading, colouring, puzzles, playing with her toys, arts and crafts generally. Not boys and fashion and gossiping which is why its all going wrong.

We are getting the wii fit out tonight because we could all do with a bit of exercise and doing the step aerobicis so funny it will cheer us up if nothing else.

Spendless

juliejay wrote: »

Up early this morning. I can't sleep anymore with it on my mind.

It's only been a problem this last year. New girls have started In the class from outside and the dynamics have changed. It's much more about boys and bands and clothes now and she's just not interested in that stuff yet but it makes her seem babyish I suppose to the others I suppose

It is a two form entry school so moving to the other class is an option. I guess she's going to have to grow up a bit as well. Shes one of the youngest in her class which might be part of it. She is also a bit tubby this year, just puppy fat but it isnt helping. We could maybe try going running together but she'll probably beat me-which would be good for her- because I never had the PE gene either. Going to get the wii fit out tonight and we can all go on that and have a laugh at the same time.

How old is she? I have a daughter who was 8 in March (yr 3) she has gone this academic year, from still liking her Dora the explorer duvet cover (which to be fair her peers grew out of a long time ago) at the beg of the school year to a short lived (about 4 months) fascination with littlest pet shop, from jan to easter to liking high school musical, and certain singers, so I can see, if your daughter has experienced something similar and is the youngest of her year, and not yet ready to 'move on' how left out she's feeling.

Do they mix her classes up every year? If so, before the class lists come out, why don't you talk to her teacher about seeing that she's put into a class where she can make new friends.

The other thing that I've just wondered about, is school sports day coming up? Is that possibly something else that's made it that the ones good at games, are currently the 'bees knees'.?

Birdie85

Ahhh Julie, she sounds like me (albeit 17 years ago!), I struggled a bit when it came to gossiping about all that stuff because I just wasn't interested, still struggled at 15 TBH because I don't *do* silly giggly girls, I managed to get round it though, found other girls like me who had a brain and wanted to talk about better things than the latest pop star! Are there any craft clubs she can join to meet like-minded kids?

She'll be fine in time I'm sure, and it sounds like you're a lovely Mum.

lucylucy

juliejay wrote: »

Forgot to say DD is nine, doesnt enjoy sports much except swimming - she likes reading, colouring, puzzles, playing with her toys, arts and crafts generally. Not boys and fashion and gossiping which is why its all going wrong.

My daughter is just the same.

Mine also has a very sweet, caring nature and always rushes to help any other child who looks hurt or upset.
I bet yours is the same.

ILoveEoin

Hugs 2 u and ur lil one

juliejay

Lucy, that is exactly right.

Her last report said she had 'a lovely nature, very caring in all she does and says, a really lovely member of the class'

She came home home from school today a bit happier and I've had a lovely email from her teacher saying they will do everything they can to help, offering to move classes or let her talk to a counsellor. She did a circle time with them today about what makes a good friend and they all discussed it. So that was definitely good advice, thanks everyone!

Feeling a bit more positive about it now. Thanks for the support

summerday

Sometimes the parallel class in a year group can have a totally different mix of children in it. Maybe ask your DD whether she knows any of the girls in the other class? If you are thinking of asking the school to change classes, now is definitely the time of year to arrange it so that she can meet the new teacher with the rest of the class and be set up ready for Septmeber. As a teacher I have seen this work well for a few children over the years. Also if there are any particular children she likes in the other class perhaps arrange for them to come to tea etc to start building friendships.

caeler

I had trouble at school but for me it occured in year 8. I had a small circle of close friends and was generally friends with everybody else in middle school but my close circle of friends all went to different schools from year 8. We met everybody in our part of the year just before starting and although I didn't know anybody I felt confident enough to see it through and make new friends. Unfortunately I didn't. I had a terrible time, I made a few friends but they weren't really friends who would let me down and were generally spiteful and I'd struggle to find people to spend the lunch hour with. I had gone from being popular to having nobody to rely on or trust. All my other friends were in the other half of the year which my half didn't really mix much with. Looking back now I wish so hard I'd shouted loudly and gone to be with the other friends. Alot of them had transferred forms to be with people they knew. I think my school experience would have been so different. I didn't feel happy until I left school and went to college.

mich13x

Are you friendly with any of the parents of her classmates? You could mention to them that DD feels left out in the hope they encourage their children to include her.

Or you could offer for DD to have a couple of classmates over at your house after school or take a couple of them to the cinema as a treat or something along those lines.

I know it seems a bit like buying friendships but i think if your DD could build up a good friendship with one or two classmates outside school, it would give her more confidence within the group inside school.

Fire_Fox

juliejay wrote: »

Up early this morning. I can't sleep anymore with it on my mind.

It's only been a problem this last year. New girls have started In the class from outside and the dynamics have changed. It's much more about boys and bands and clothes now and she's just not interested in that stuff yet but it makes her seem babyish I suppose to the others I suppose

It is a two form entry school so moving to the other class is an option. I guess she's going to have to grow up a bit as well. Shes one of the youngest in her class which might be part of it. She is also a bit tubby this year, just puppy fat but it isnt helping. We could maybe try going running together but she'll probably beat me-which would be good for her- because I never had the PE gene either. Going to get the wii fit out tonight and we can all go on that and have a laugh at the same time.

I don't mean to be unkind, I work in lifestyle healthcare so am looking at this from that angle as you have already had excellent advice from other parents. Puppy fat is a myth - either your daughter is a healthy weight or she is not, if it is slowing her down there may be more work to be done than you realise. I am sure you don't want to get your daughter focussed on her weight whilst she is feeling vulnerable, but you might start looking into meeting the government recommendations for healthy eating and physical activity as a family?

Definitely encourage active hobbies, both within the family (Wii, bowling, frisbee, swimming, hula hoop) and groups/ clubs as a way of meeting new friends. :j Bear in mind children should be exercising for one to two hours every day and that, unfortunately, many are not doing any in their lunch break. Running is high impact so can be very tough on the body, so it's often not a suitable form of exercise for beginners. If you do go that route it's critical you both get a gait (movement) analysis, professionally fitted for proper running shoes and plenty of brisk walking (ten mins) to warm up. A growing girl will probably need new trainers fairly regularly so this may not be very MSE!

It's a lot easier to eat 500 calories than it is to burn them off, so you will probably need to address eating as well. Absolutely not a diet unless your doctor specifically advises it - just making sure treats are no more than 10% of daily calories, eating five to nine portions of fruit and veg plus three of dairy every day, three portions per week of oily fish, swap white to wholegrain and so on. Concentrating on what you can/ should eat and not on what you cannot/ should not. :cool: