Daughter says she has no friends:-(

SUESMITH_2

i can sympathise with this, i think it happens to lots of girls at some point, like others have said i would pop and have a word with the teacher, i'm sure it can be sorted out but my heart bleeds for her

p-pincher

oh your poor daughter, girls can be very cruel at that age (speaking from experience) .Ive got 2 girls age 7 and 4 sand im dreading this kind of thing.

If shes really unhappy I would definatley consider moving school, it might seem a bit drastic to some but things like this can really affect girls as there growing up. Id probably go in and talk to the teacher or headmistress first to see if theres anything that can be done, sitting them with different groups, study partners etc.

My 2 dd's go dancing on a saturday morning and though they dont really make lifelong friends (theres a high turnover of kids) it gives them loads of confidence to go up and talk to others, though this took a little while, same with swimming.

Brownies or a similer group is great for her age as it promotes friendliness and helping others, it will boost her confidence no end.

Have you got any friends or neighbours with kids a similar ages so you can buddy them up, even though its not a school friend it will all help boost her self esteem.

How about inviting some of her school kids over?

Good luck and i really hope your daughters ok x

CFC

I had no friends at school but I lived through it. It's tough but sometimes that's just life. You mention that she can't run fast and is no good at games, is she tubby? I was a tubette at school and you get bullied for it, because nobody wants to play with the slowpoke.
If she is do her a favour and help her slim down. If she's not a tub, why is she no good at games rather than just not the best?

DON79

Sorry to hear of your daughter's troubles.... I never had many friends at school & was last picked at sports etc too so understand what she is feeling. I don't think changing school will make a lot of difference really - your daughter needs to work on her self confidence to realise that she doesn't need friends who are like that. And if she is worried about running/fitness - can you get her interested in some sports clubs outside of school to help?

Sad to say - I don't think this is confined to girls! my ds who is in reception year is friends with one little boy - and it is so on/off as friends, it is unbelievable. I really thought only girls were like that! One week they play together loads and talk about each other loads, and the next week, they are not playing/bordering on fighting and are not playing at each other's houses! And I hate having to tell ds that if this is happening that he needs to go be friends with other boys instead. I didn't think would have to worry about this with boys!

juliejay

Thanks everyone. It's really good to hear other people's experiences. She's not keen for me to make a fuss so I've just written a letter to her teacher (which I'll pass into the office) and asked her to watch her for a few days and email me back to keep it low key.

Joining more clubs is probably the thing. She does a few but they tend to be with kids from school. I think I will investigate some stuff outside our area but still in the catchment of the senior school she will go to so she will make friends with girls who might be at the next school with her.

I'll let you know how I get on with the teacher. Thanks again.

cazziebo

Adding more hugs in your and your DDs direction! Horrible situation, isn't it!

I do think girls can be so cruel. DD1 went through this and if it's any consolation, she eventually became the most popular girl in the school, voted head girl, and is now one of the most confident, funny and happy young ladies I've ever met. Hard to believe that for a year she didn't want to go to school, cried lots, and actually started self harming.

I can't pinpoint what made the difference. Going to the school achieved nothing, except being patronised by the "guidance" teacher who told me that if she was unhappy her grades wouldn't be as good as they were :huh: . Her grades actually suffered the happier she got!

DD2 is much more argumentative, falling out with all of her friends at some point or other, but never seemed to go through that same trauma of no pals.

Really feel for you, OP. I remember what a miserable time it was, and still puzzled at how suddenly it seemed to sort itself it out!
x

Moving schools is a bit drastic, and if she's not naturally outgoing then may make things worse. I think you're right, getting more involved in outside activities may bolster her confidence, and make having friends in school less important. You could also try inviting one of the class mates on a treat day at the weekend, or asking a few round for tea one day.

Rachel021967

I feel for your children. My middle daughter had friends at playschool and at her first two schools. So I knew she could make friends. Her third school was a nightmare, she had no friends and when I bought it up with the Special needs teacher she said "Not everybody could be popular". I didn't care if she was popular or not just as long as she was happy and had friends. Anyway I wanted her to move schools but hubby wouldn't have any of it. She didn't have friends until she started secondary school (we're talking 5 years without a friend). She's much more confident and happy now. I just wished I had the guts to move her sooner.
Exclusion by the other children is a form of bullying and needs to be nipped in the bud. I would speak to her teacher and involve her in clubs. My girls are members of St. John Ambulance. They are very good and its only £15 a term. However, if it doesn't resolve itself please seriously consider moving your daughter to another school.

*zippy*

Oh Julie ((hugs)) I could have written your post a few years ago. I had problems with both my DD's in primary school as it was a small school with few girls. Both are now in their later teens, my youngest used to beg me everyday to move her to another school, I didn't because I thought it would make her school work suffer and it would be hard being the new girl when friendships were already formed, but looking back I wish I had done it TBH as things changed when she went to comp, mixing with new people she made a lovely group of friends.

Eldest is shy and it was a lot harder, problems continued in the first year of comp. One day a group of girls invited her to the park after school, she was so excited and I was so relieved, but she came home screaming as they had invited her to beat her up.....saying girls can be horrible is an understatement isn't it We eventually got it out of her who was bullying her and she said she wanted to die, that's the worst thing a parent can hear. The school weren't very helpful until we threatened to call the police for assault, they suddenly became very helpful and agreed to move her to a class of her choice and that was the turning point, it wasn't long before she built up a strong network of friends and not just make do friends they were good friends who she is still close to.

I just hope that reassures you that things will change as heart breaking as it is at the moment and as someone else mentioned it can change very quickly.

juliejay

Up early this morning. I can't sleep anymore with it on my mind.

It's only been a problem this last year. New girls have started In the class from outside and the dynamics have changed. It's much more about boys and bands and clothes now and she's just not interested in that stuff yet but it makes her seem babyish I suppose to the others I suppose

It is a two form entry school so moving to the other class is an option. I guess she's going to have to grow up a bit as well. Shes one of the youngest in her class which might be part of it. She is also a bit tubby this year, just puppy fat but it isnt helping. We could maybe try going running together but she'll probably beat me-which would be good for her- because I never had the PE gene either. Going to get the wii fit out tonight and we can all go on that and have a laugh at the same time.

Sambucus_Nigra

CFC wrote: »

If she is do her a favour and help her slim down. If she's not a tub, why is she no good at games rather than just not the best?

I was skinny as a rake and hated games. It's got nothing to do with being tubby! I've never liked sport and avoid it like the plague.