Daughter says she has no friends:-(

juliejay

Hi

I was just wondering if any of you kind people could offer advice for my lovely daughter who told me this weekend that she's really sad and lonely at school and doesn't have any friends.

She has mentioned this before but I didn't take too much notice because I thought that the girls in the class are a bit fickle and do swap around a bit but this Saturday DD and I went to the park and four of her classmates were there and pointedly ignored her and didn't invite her to join in. She tried to play but they went off in a group and left her. I mentioned they seemed a bit mean and she got upset and said it happened a lot in school, that she was always the last to get a partner because she couldn't run fast and wasn't good at games.

She asked again if you could change schools to get new friends. Shes only middle juniors and we could do that but I 'm mot sure it's the answer. Its made me so sad because I didnt listen to her when she asked me before but now I've realise why she sad and I don't know what to do to help.

I think she's losing her confidence so I think maybe I should speak to the teacher this week but what do I want her to do???

It feels good to get it off my chest but I'm crying again now because shes sad. Has anybody been through this and made it better for their little one?

skypie123_2

I wanted to send you and your girl hugs. My heart breaks reading your post because your daughter was me at school.
I would talk to her teacher and see what he/she says.
If the girls really are that cliquey then maybe a change of scene would do her the power of good.
I hope she finds nicer people soon to be friends with.
xxx

FagAshLil

Oh the poor little thing! I've been through this with two of my daughters - middle school is incredibly tough. Girls can be so thoughtless and spiteful at times.

What worked for my two was me constantly telling them how much I liked them and how clever they were if they achieved something. I also gave them casual little pep talks on how to cope when people are unfriendly - by being cool and not seeming desperate for friends but to be pleasant to everyone, join clubs to mix with other kids in the school and to try to ignore any snipes or nasty looks.

A quiet word with the teacher might also help.

They do grow out of it, honestly - my daughters have both got a small circle of friends but can get on with most people now. It certainly isn't easy but please try not to let her see how upset you are as she will feel as if there is something wrong with her.

I know how much it breaks your heart. Try to make family life as fun and loving as possible so at least she can relax after the school day.

My youngest is incredibly popular, which doesn't help! But being a strong family unit can help kids get through the rough pre-teen/teen years

Good luck and love to you both!

X

System

Are there any after school clubs in something she enjoys that she could join? I didn't have many friends at school so my mum got me to join brownies/guides and i made friends there. I hope things get better for her

Outpost

Children can be very cruel.

Hope you can figure something out, although I would caution that changing schools seems to be a pretty major thing and holds no guarantees that she would make friends somewhere else.

Perhaps something outside school? Swimming club? Girl guides? Maybe even martial arts? Something along those lines?

BitterAndTwisted

Is there any opportunity for your child to get involved with new activities outside of school? Friends or neighbours who have kids of a similar age who you could organise something with?

Spendless

Awww bless her. I'd speak to teacher first. If she doesn't make friends easily, the pattern might be repeated in another school. What does she like doing? Any little girl with a similar interest she could invite round to play?. Girls can be fickle, my 8yo daughter has spent most of the day playing with and then falling out with girls who live on our street, and my 11yo son hadn't really made a 'proper' friend till this year (he's yr 6).

Shepherd1

Hi

I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this I don't have experience of it myself but I do have a daughter and at her school they have a sad circle in the playground and if someone doesn't have anyone to play with they go to the sad circle. The teacher, monitors or the children themselves will go over and ask what is wrong and find them someone to play with. I would have a word with the teacher to find out if she has any friends, also you could try inviting some girls to your house to help her make friends.

Good luck I really do feel for your daughter I hate to see children left out and treated this way.

ceebeeby

Big hugs to you both

One of my DD's was EXACTLY the same - although it took me a whole term to really understand how upset she was. It was only when the teacher mentioned at parents evening that she was the only upper junior allowed into the lower juniors playground at lunch, so that she could be with her little sister as she had no-one else to play with, did I really sit up and think ouch!

Three phone calls and one form later, and the following week both her and younger DD moved schools and within a week she had met the six friends that would stay with her for the following few years, and we never had the same situation again. Very drastic, but regretably once girls have made up their minds that's it.

I totally understand where you're coming from because it is exceptionally distressing for everyone, but it can be fixed with lots of hugs and support and possibly a new school (in my experience anyway).

pinkcandyflossprincess

My daughter did have a stage when her friends hit puberty they suddenly turned on her (shes very petite) but she made new friends eventually.
i would encourage her to join clubs at school or outside in subjects she likes-common interest is a good base for friendship
girls are awfull - i only had two close friends at school for similar reasons!
my daughter now has a good friend but this girl has another friend whos downright freaky:eek:
if the murual friend does anything involving my daughter the other girl throws a hissy fit-current tantrum is ger refusal to go to prom as the girls were getting makeup done so she was asked if she wanted it done too, she said she wasnt going to prom....

daughter was asked along with her to choose music i the limo....the drama girl refuses to go in limo because my daughter had chosen a song:eek::rotfl:
the girls quite frankly a bit mad, Im glad my daughters starting college soon so will find a few more friends not as dramatic!

Dustykitten

Big hugs for you both. Girls and friends seems to cause no end of problems. I have all boys so no personal experience but I have heard of so many of my friend's daughters having upsets right through all ages of school. Speak to the teacher definitely. Is it a 2 form entry (ie 60 children per year group?) When my DS1 was about 9 at the end of the year the teachers mixed the classes up going into the next year. They said it was to 'rebalance' the classes but we all knew it was to split some of the cliquey girls up who were causing problems.

I'm sure you have tried things like having children home to play. What about your daughter joining clubs where the children are different from in school? Whilst this will not help so much during school it will show her that she can have friends and may boost her confidence.

Good luck and you are a lovely Mum for caring so much that your daughter is sad.