Someone give me a shake please

zaksmum

soup wrote: »

If you don't like or want kids but prefer dogs, and don't smoke or do drugs then I may be interested.

Blimey...you sound like a nice kind of guy...! Seriously!:)

Ballyhoo

EarlGrey81 wrote: »

I've been doing these sorts of things but it feels sort of empty because I know I'm doing it to try and make myself feel better so it sort of cancels out any good feelings that may result from the action itself. I'm hoping this is something that will become less if I just keep plugging away and trying different things...?

I suppose I'm reading it wrongly - when I read your first post, I just got this strong sense of someone who is unhappy but also feels guilty about being unhappy. It's okay to have a s***ty day, or a s***ty week, or even a "lost year." The point of these is that you end up realising how resiliant people are, about our amazing capacity to make the best of things. To realise that life is less a bed of roses and more like a frickin skip, but that we're all in one piece despite everything and we never lose hope.

Don't lose hope, by the way. That's really sucky.

You will find someone else and hell, if you want kids it can happen. If all of the things you are doing feel like "going through the motions" then ask whether you need to challenge yourself more. Also - some of these amazing new things are a great way to meet new people and surround yourself with good energy.

Going back to the homebrew (yes, it's really dull to other people - but bear with me). I had no clue, so asked around online for tips. I ending up meeting a community of lunatics who ended up inviting me on so many nights out that I eventually did go - I now have a crazy new network of incredible human beings who are bizarre and possibly insane and totally, utterly wonderful.

Oh, and the beer was GREAT. Eventually. The first batch ended up as a stinky, sticky mess on the cellar floor. My landlord's patience was sorely tested that weekend.

EarlGrey81

Ah bless you and your home brew, sounds like you really enjoy it! I've been to a few social/hobby group things the last few months, but they just seem to meet at that time for that purpose, then go off back to their real lives, nothing seems to come of it friendship/getting out-wise. I will keep trying I'd hate to look back at this time of my life in ten years' time and think I wasted a year or two moping - I'd rather look back and think yeah it was hard but I kept going... I don't feel guilty about being unhappy (although I'm thinking I should be getting over him by now instead of doing a double-take every time I see a car like his etc etc), I guess I don't want to just bang on about it all the time to friends, I don't want to be *that* person!

Bloomin_Freezing2

I had my first date, wedding and fell pregnant by my OH within 6 months of meeting him. I wondered when it would be my turn, my friends had long term boyfreinds etc.

We have been married 7 years now, 2 kids. I often look at some single, kid free friends and feel a little envious.

Make the most of what you have. Interests? Join some groups, travel, have fun. You'll meet someone when you are not searching for them. (I met OH on a 1st aid course for work. then bumped into him a few weeks later in a club, planned a date for the following week and he never went home after that!)

pinkshoes

EarlGrey, I could have written your post myself 2.5 years ago!

I was 29, and after 5 years with my boyfriend, and having had a lovely weekend at a wedding in Paris, we had an argument in the car on the way home (which he instigated), then he declared he didn't know how he felt about me any more.

What was really depressing was having to phone up my best friend, and let her know that it would just be me coming to her wedding the following week, then being the odd one out on the table with all the other couples, and sleeping alone in the lovely hotel I'd booked. Worst of all was the dinner in the hotel on the night I arrived, which was pre-paid for 2 people. At least I got to order the most expensive things on the menu to use up the dinner allowance for 2 people, and thankfully I knew another couple staying at the hotel, so didn't have to sit there like a lemon!

It was a miserable time for me, but eventually I decided that there was no point wanting to spend my life with someone who clearly didn't feel the same way (5 years is long enough to know how you feel about someone), so I made it clear to him that it was over, and it was like a black cloud lifted.

2.5 years later, and I'm now in a very loving relationship, and we have a 7 month old boy together, who was born just after my 31st birthday!

It may seem like a confusing time and the end of the world, but just be grateful it ended now, rather than carrying it on for years more, and THEN things ending!

flutterbyuk25

Aww hun I kinda know how you feel. I'm 30 next year and single (well I'm casually dating someone but he is moving away in Sept so it'll be over then!). Almost all my friends are married/in long term relationships, and one of my best friend's is having a baby next month - the first baby for our friend group. Out of all my friends who are in relationships I can honestly say that only 2 of them are in genuinely happy relationships. One friend is only with her boyfriend cos she can't bear to be single, this is despite the fact that he has no money, eats all her food, stays in her house (doesn't live there) and plays xbox whilst she is at work, and they have no s*x life. :eek: TBH I'd much rather be single than deal with that!! :rotfl:

I have been single for 3 years (the odd fling/date here n there) and I've loved it. I have travelled the world, my friends call me Judith Chalmers!! :rotfl:. I have a fantastic job which I love and a good group of friends. That said I do get depressed occasionally when it seems that I am the one 'left behind'. I think it's just part of life. Lots of my attached friends are envious of my life, the grass is always greener etc. And like others have said, who knows what is around the corner...

First steps...

1. Learn to love you for who you are - sounds corny but if you don't love you then who else will? Remember you are a lovely person who deserves to be happy
2. Can you move out at all? Flatshare if not on your own? This will help you feel more grown up as well as giving you back your independance.
3. Don't dwell on the past. I'm a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason' and fate.
4. Say yes...to all invites, more people you meet the more doors open. And take chances...ask people (friends/new people) to meet up, if they say no then it's their loss not yours!

I know this all sounds very twee/Americanised, but it's true! But remember everyone has off days, no-one's life is perfect or ever will be.

You'll be fine

x

rachbc

when I was 29 I was stuck in a terrible relationship, working for very little money and unsure about my career, living in a semi derelict house....terrified of staying how i was, terrified of being alone...

I'm not 37, married to a wonderful man, have a job I enjoy, a lovely home - I have no idea how it all worked out but it did - and it will for you too!

BitterAndTwisted

Angel, you are grieving the loss of your relationship and that's only right and natural. We all grieve in our own way and to our own time-scales.

Putting a brave face on things, getting out there and making a life on your own takes courage. Try not to measure your own life and achievements against other people's: they have pains and worries that you cannot be aware of. Being on the outside can make it seem that other people' lives appear perfect to you on the surface but that is most often not the case.

You will make a happy life for yourself and you will stop looking backwards. All you need is time.

At thirty you very possibly have another two decades before having a family becomes a remote possibility. Imagine what could happen in those twenty years.

RatInMeKitchen

There are exceptions to every rule, and who is to say the exceptions aren't better?

I kind of had similar-ish experiences, with friends hitting their mid twenties and getting careers, moving in with partners etc. whereas I had no career and was undecided about the future (and still am)..........in the end I tried to look at it from a more positive viewpoint - that not having a steady job, relationship etc. actually made me free to do what I want to do.

So anyway, I'm back in the UK in a similar situation as before, but recently I've had a good time (overall). I've travelled to a few new places, lived with and met a whole host of different people, done different types of work here and there, learnt a new language to an 'acceptable' level etc.
Okay, so this probably looks terrible on a CV (when trying to start a career). But hey, what's the point in life anyway? Is it to travel and enjoy new things as much as possible and remain 'free'? Maybe??

So now, I'm already thinking about my next step.....the World is your oyster........:D

Ps - God the weather in the UK sucks, is it really almost July?

Pee

As I approached 30 I had ended a relationship with my most important ex. We had been together 6 or 7 years, but I'd begun to realise things would never get better due to his issues with drink and drugs and that I needed to move on. This was about six months before my birthday, but it meant I was turning 30 single and also with huge issues about trust in relationships. Turning 30 was also making me feel funny, old, too late to have children, lots of mixed feelings. That was 7 years ago. Now I am 7 years older but I feel much more positive about my life , shortly after I turned 32 I got together with a lovely man who had been a friend or at least an aquaintance for years and who was able to, gradually, resolve all of my trust issues. The two years in the middle, once I had actually turned 30, were great where I got to relearn who I was and what I wanted. By 34 I was trying for a baby, and although that hasn't so far worked out there are lots of reasons for that which are unlikely to apply to you. Certainly I am happy with what has happened since then to put me in the position I am in now.

I would accept that turning 30 is a big thing, be nice to yourself, try to keep up some activities and interests and remember that all your firiends have their issues and problems - for instance although I would love to be a mother I have two close friends who are struggling with this and I feel that I am happier than they are at the moment. (It isn't a competition, though!)

Wishing you all the best.