Someone give me a shake please

There_Goes_Trouble

Hi Earl Grey,

I do understand the deep loneliness, I also understand how it feels to see all your friends in their 'perfect' lives. I'm approaching 40 and still single, never even had a decent relationship to grieve for! I know my chance for children is almost gone and that's tough to come to terms with. I hate the way that married people seem to think it must be great to be single, I tell them I'd gladly swap with them and watch how they retract that statement! I don't know why I don't meet anyone, I go out, I've joined groups and clubs, I keep fit and healthy, life just hasn't turned out how I wanted it to.

But...

that doesn't make it a bad life. The trick (I think!) is to focus on what I have got, not what I haven't got. I have a home, a job I enjoy, my health and an extended family I love. I have nieces and nephews and I have got my dog and two cats. Something huge is missing and I can't escape from that, but so much is right with my life it seems wrong to be unsatisfied with it. Besides, focussing on the down side of life takes you down the road to depression (I've discovered!) whereas keeping positive and enjoying what I have got, keeps me happy and confident in myself.

Stick with it. I know how the loneliness can hit you out of the blue and sometimes you just have to roll with it, but you then need to pick yourself up and go shopping like you planned!!

ali-t

EarlGrey81 wrote: »

I'm sick of being on my own all the time and having to do everything and face everything alone. (I know whinge whinge!)

Soup, that's the whole thing - I DO want kids which is why I'm so devastated to find myself in this position at my age, if biology wasn't an issue perhaps I wouldn't feel this sense of dread that life isn't going to pan out how I always assumed it would.

Well get yourself off MSE and onto a couple of internet dating sites, do not mention your ex at any point and date your way through a long hot summer. By the time Autumn comes your self esteem and belief that you can have any man you set your sights on will be sky high.

After your confidence is raised, then it is the time to be more selective, you could be married to the man of your dreams and pregant by this time next year.

The other option is that going out dating may make you realise that the grass isn't always greener and in the same way as you say your friends don't see the side of you that you are painting here, the liklihood is that they don't show you that side of their lives.

Life isn't just what you make it, it is how you interpret it. Its time to move on and flip the negatives on their head. The ex dumping you again should have confirmed that he is an a-hole that you are better off without. The positive is that you will never make that mistake again!

Good luck and get out there.

tesuhoha

You sound a lot like my daughter. She has just gone back upstairs after saying pretty much the same as you. She is upset and tearful.

She has been in a relationship for two years. The person has been treating her badly and as time goes on his behaviour gets worse and worse. The more she takes and puts up with the worse he gets. He seems to be pulling away from her. Now she only sees him about once a month but she puts up with it because she is afraid she will never get another man. She is good looking and intelligent but she thinks she is ugly and stupid.

I have told her till I am blue in the face and I do not know what else to say to her but its all true about loving yourself and getting out there to make friends etc. She has limited friends and the ones she has seem to have their own busy lives and not much time for socialising.

There are probably lots of other people out there who feel the same way but she as well as you think you are the only one.

mountainofdebt

You aren't Fearne Cotton are you by chance???

Seriously though OP have a think about what you can do .......whether it be deciding to have a PJ day without having to justify it to anyone to booking a holiday to that one place you always wanted to go but the ex didn't.

I've often found in my life that if there's something that I'm upset about - lack of money, things hitting the buffers - then when the oppoiste happens to other people - them coming into money etc - I find that my upset feelings are magnified, sometimes quite irrationally.

Perhaps this is what's happening to you?

Roxyfox

You never ever know what's round the corner so don't count your losses yet. My life changes rapidly I couldn't even begin to predict the changes, they're mostly bad atm but keeps me on my toes.

Maybe try watching 'my little pony: friendship is magic' sounds childish but it really cheers me up it's so optimistic and I think you should get more in touch with your inner child. It's intended audience is 9 yr old girls but it's biggest audience is 17-25 year old boys... go figure.

FatVonD

I too was about to suggest volunteering, at one end of the scale it could be a local soup run or if work would give you a sabbatical it could even be Voluntary Services Overseas. It may not seem like it now but you are actually in a great position with no ties whatsoever and the world is your lobster!

Things will come good in the end but you need to be doing different things (so you're meeting different people.) I worked with a lovely woman who was becoming very bitter about her single status to the point that I couldn't even bring myself to tell her when DH proposed, (her lowest point was buying her own toolkit as it felt like an admission that she'd never have a man to do odd jobs for her!) She left her job a couple of years ago and started to work locally, met a new man and I heard the other day that she is 5 months pregnant

I think your ex stringing you along is the cruellest thing and went through something similar before I met my DH. Had I not let that happen I could have met my lovely DH 7 months earlier and to be honest if I were to run into my ex now I wouldn't p*ss on him if he was on fire. You may not meet someone else tomorrow but if you start looking today you will be one day closer to finding that person than if you start tomorrow