Couple clashing over finances

Gigglepig

Apart from reducing expenses, what about earning potential? What are your future plans - can you get a better paid p/t job and up your hours to 60%, so he can work a bit less and take a bigger share of household tasks, or find a job he likes better?

Perhaps sit down and talk about how you can best sort things out as as a team from now on. He should not be "selfish" and hog the income, nor should you be "selfish" and hog the opportunity to spend more time with the kids? Surely it should be possible that you both get a bit more of what you want, if you compromise.

jetta_wales

cheese_cake wrote: »

I think if we were both part time it would work, but there would have to be big lifestyle changes as I'm already pretty frugal with household running costs so probably little to be saved from the monthly budget.

Neither would have any personal spending and we'd basically working to live with nothing left over for treats. I'm not sure if he would go for that or not, but it's worth looking into.

Well he's happy for you to go without at the moment so if he really wants to be at home more then he'll sacrifice some to do that. But if he is too comfortable with his treats to give them up then he needs to get a grip and learn to share! And how come you get lumbered with all the house work? Because he works more? No! If he's only working longer hours than you to pay for his own indulgences then that does not fly!

zagfles

Gigglepig wrote: »

Apart from reducing expenses, what about earning potential? What are your future plans - can you get a better paid p/t job and up your hours to 60%, so he can work a bit less and take a bigger share of household tasks, or find a job he likes better?

Perhaps sit down and talk about how you can best sort things out as as a team from now on. He should not be "selfish" and hog the income, nor should you be "selfish" and hog the opportunity to spend more time with the kids? Surely it should be possible that you both get a bit more of what you want, if you compromise.

Yes - friend of mine is having the opposite problem. He works loads of overtime, his wife has been a SAHM and plans to get a part time job when their youngest starts school in Sept.

Great, he thought, I'll be able to cut down all the overtime and spend more time with the kids (sometimes he wasn't getting home till after the kids bedtimes for the whole week).

But his wife was horrified at the prospect of his income dropping, she was expecting him to carry on paying all the bills as before, and had already earmarked what she was going to spend "her" money on!

jetta_wales

zagfles wrote: »

Yes - friend of mine is having the opposite problem. He works loads of overtime, his wife has been a SAHM and plans to get a part time job when their youngest starts school in Sept.

Great, he thought, I'll be able to cut down all the overtime and spend more time with the kids (sometimes he wasn't getting home till after the kids bedtimes for the whole week).

But his wife was horrified at the prospect of his income dropping, she was expecting him to carry on paying all the bills as before, and had already earmarked what she was going to spend "her" money on!

Lol equally as stupid and selfish. Did he tell her that was not how it works?

cheese_cake_2

The youngest is in the infants school at the moment. Before this blew up, I was planning on working full time when she starts secondary school and therefore won't need childcare or want me to attend school stuff.

I love my job to bits and would be very sad to give it up. I'm willing to compromise somehow though. We'd have to look at me possibly finding an additional job, him finding a part time job and splitting the housework etc., more evenly. He'd have to give up some of his personal spends though and possibly downgrade his car if the finance payment can't be budgeted in.

At the moment I do the bulk of housework etc., as he works full time and I'm part time. It's always worked like that as I was used to doing it all anyway before he moved in.

I wouldn't be like the SAHM mother if I earned more and it would all go in the joint pot.

*Louise*

cheese_cake wrote: »

I don't know. He told me he would be entitled to half the equity and would persue me through the courts for his fair share and I'd have to sell it. I would need to get legal advice as I don't believe that, but don't know where I stand.

Yikes - you got yourself a right charmer there......:eek:

jetta_wales wrote: »

I give up, I honestly have no idea what some people actually think a relationship is but this is not it! And yet we get these threads all the time.

.

I often wonder myself why people put up with situations similar to this and others. In many cases I get the impression that they just want to sound off, hear everyone agree and then carry on as before without sorting anything with the person they should be speaking to.

Hopefully the OP isn't one of those people and is able to sort out her relationship issue.

chaosweddings

my dh earns around £1700 per month, i earn £600 pm plus child benefit and child tax credits.
we are married but do not have a joint bank account.
Dh pays all the household bills and car insurance ect we do no have a mortgage any more (yipee)
I pay for all the food shopping and anything needed for he house, i also cook clean, walk dogs everyday.

people think its weird that we dont have a joint account but to us it makes it easier, if i need money he gives it to me, if like now he is starting a new job he will be going from weekly pay to monthly so i will cover some of his stuff until he gets paid like his martial arts.

We always go half on anything for ds like school uniform, trips ect

he also gives me weekly house keeping money

i used to work full time but found i didnt spend anytime with ds or dh so we decided for me to go part time, when ds is older i will go back to full time but at the moment i like being home when he finishes school and not having to find child care in holidays

onlyroz

cheese_cake wrote: »

I love my job to bits and would be very sad to give it up. I'm willing to compromise somehow though. We'd have to look at me possibly finding an additional job, him finding a part time job and splitting the housework etc., more evenly. He'd have to give up some of his personal spends though and possibly downgrade his car if the finance payment can't be budgeted in.

Can't you both stick with your existing jobs, just adjust the hours? If you have a child under 6 then your husband will be able to request a flexible working arrangement, which could include either reducing his hours, or adjusting them to a more convenient time, so that he could (e.g.) do the school run a few days a week.

dirtysexymonkey

how much do you actually get op? £500 plus maintenance and benefits could easily be over £1000 every month. how old are you eldest children?

zagfles

jetta_wales wrote: »

Lol equally as stupid and selfish. Did he tell her that was not how it works?

He's tried, but she remains of the opinion that what's his is shared but what's hers is hers! To be fair to her, her sexist attitudes work both ways - when they first moved in together she caught him ironing his own shirts and said "what are you doing - that's my job now"!!

Some people are stuck in the past....