Couple clashing over finances

cheese_cake_2

I don't keep anything out of the family financial budget for myself. All the income I get from wages, tax credits, maintenance etc., go on household running costs and spending that the whole family benefits from that I mentioned before.

JimmyTheWig

Tish_P wrote: »

Is anyone seriously going to argue that attending school assemblies is actually fun in the way that a beer with friends is fun?

I know which one I'd choose. Maybe I'm just getting old!

relic wrote: »

I love this idea of having £xxx to spend on himself.

I think the discussion has moved on from this, but my point was if (and depending on increased costs if the OP went out to work) the OP isn't working as many hours as she "should" because she doesn't want to, then I see this as no different to spending money on themselves.

Pee

He's made it clear he expects you to work full time and he would like to have more freedom to spend time with your little one. I don't think he is being so unreasonable.

Whilst it's not nice to have brought up the subject of the house, didn't you think about this before you got married? Yes, he could be entitled to some of it, because you are married.

I would look at how well off you would be if you got rid and had CSA payments.

I think the truth is that whatever he does now will be wrong, you've reached that stage in the relationship where either you will learn to be a partnership by communication and without resentment or he'll never be able to please you, no matter what he does. The time to really devote some time to understanding his perspective and seeing is there anywhere for this marriage to go is now.

If you think that you will split and someone else will ride to your rescue paying for you and your children, I think you are mistaken. You can either spend time with the children and have that quality of life, or you can work hard and have holidays and have that quality of life. You are very lucky indeed if you find a way to do both.

podperson

Normally I try to restrain from personal attacks as I feel it's impossible to know what someone's like from a description on a forum - but I'm sorry your OH sounds so selfish it is unbelievable! He moves in with you and graciously offers to cover the money that you would be out in benefits - !!!!!!?? So you're on exactly the same money but have another mouth to feed and he's paying sod all to have all his bills paid for him and I'm betting his tea on the table when he gets home. He really does sound like he thinks he's renting a room rather then being part of a family unit. Not to mention the fact that he seems to have threatened you with taking half your house (and as mentioned above take legal advice but since you owned the house before you were with him and he is not paying for it now then I really don't think he has a leg to stand on there!)
Fair enough he doesn't like his job - unfortunately the people who do are definately a minority and the rest of us put up with it to provide for our families - and I doubt most people have a spare £700 a month to spend on themselves while they're doing it.

relic

Pee wrote: »

He's made it clear he expects you to work full time and he would like to have more freedom to spend time with your little one. I don't think he is being so unreasonable.

Whilst it's not nice to have brought up the subject of the house, didn't you think about this before you got married? Yes, he could be entitled to some of it, because you are married.

I would look at how well off you would be if you got rid and had CSA payments.

I think the truth is that whatever he does now will be wrong, you've reached that stage in the relationship where either you will learn to be a partnership by communication and without resentment or he'll never be able to please you, no matter what he does. The time to really devote some time to understanding his perspective and seeing is there anywhere for this marriage to go is now.

If you think that you will split and someone else will ride to your rescue paying for you and your children, I think you are mistaken. You can either spend time with the children and have that quality of life, or you can work hard and have holidays and have that quality of life. You are very lucky indeed if you find a way to do both.

Where has he said this?

pearl123

OP - my other half is a bit like this - I have given up with it. I just class him as greedy.

onlyroz

cheese_cake wrote: »

He says he hates his job and wants to quit or work part time as well. I would hate to work full time as I want to be there for the children when they come in from school etc. Just motherly instincts and all that. It's one of those things where he thinks it's unfair he has to work full time and I think it's unfair that he wants me to work full time so he can go part time. Hats off to anyone who can find a resolution to that one!

Can't you come to some sort of compromise where you both work part-time? Maybe you could increase your hours a bit and he could reduce his hours a bit? This would have to be on the understanding that you shared out the housework and childcare fairly depending on your respective hours though.

Tish_P

Is there any way you could cut your living expenses enough for him to go part time too? Going by the numbers you gave us above, if he has £700 disposable income on a £1200/month wage it might not be impossible. Of course you'd then have to split the housework evenly, which is a minefield for arguments, but could work out well if you both want it to.

Tish_P

Ha, Roz, great minds post alike!

cheese_cake_2

I think if we were both part time it would work, but there would have to be big lifestyle changes as I'm already pretty frugal with household running costs so probably little to be saved from the monthly budget.

Neither would have any personal spending and we'd basically working to live with nothing left over for treats. I'm not sure if he would go for that or not, but it's worth looking into.