Couple clashing over finances

Amanda65

cheese_cake wrote: »

He moved into my home with me and my older children and we've since had another child together. I was working part time before I met him and managing fine. He was working full time. Employement wise, we've both continued working for the same employers for the same wage.

He initially asked what I would lose in working tax credits etc., if he moved in and said he would cover what I lost.

Ok so this puts a slightly different slant on it as some of the children aren't his, not that he should keep so much money for himself though - he knew the situation when he moved in and surely was becoming part of your family, not just a 'lodger'.

He sounds as though he is making you pay for all your children - including his - and only wants to contribute his living costs. I agree that it is important to be at the school gate / assemblies etc and this is more difficult if you work full time. How old are the children ?

It also sounds as though he begrudges you working part time and him full time - does he not realise how hard it is running a home and having a part time job! Wouldn't it be lovely if you could role reverese for a couple of weeks? I bet he would be running back to his full time job of lunch hours and not having to worry about anything at home !!!!!
Do you get maintenance from the father of your older children?

CH27

cheese_cake wrote: »

I do own it, but I don't think of it as "mine" and we've changed decor and stuff to make it "ours" if that makes sense.

It does feel more like he's a lodger than a husband though.

What would be the financial implications if you split?

cheese_cake_2

Amanda65 wrote: »

Do you get maintenance from the father of your older children?

I do get some. That gets bundled in with the child tax credits and child benefit as it's all for the benefit of the children.

CH27 wrote: »

What would be the financial implications if you split?

I don't know. He told me he would be entitled to half the equity and would persue me through the courts for his fair share and I'd have to sell it. I would need to get legal advice as I don't believe that, but don't know where I stand.

relic

cheese_cake wrote: »

I do get some. That gets bundled in with the child tax credits and child benefit as it's all for the benefit of the children.



I don't know. He told me he would be entitled to half the equity and would persue me through the courts for his fair share and I'd have to sell it. I would need to get legal advice as I don't believe that, but don't know where I stand.

He told you that?

What an idiot, really, another guy who needs a cricket bat to the face!

jetta_wales

cheese_cake wrote: »

I don't know. He told me he would be entitled to half the equity and would persue me through the courts for his fair share and I'd have to sell it. I would need to get legal advice as I don't believe that, but don't know where I stand.

!!!!!!? Normal committed couples do not feel the need to make this clear to their beloved!

margaretclare

cheese_cake wrote: »

He told me he would be entitled to half the equity and would pursue me through the courts for his fair share and I'd have to sell it. I would need to get legal advice as I don't believe that, but don't know where I stand.

You do need legal advice on this one. It sounds like a threat. What a w*nker.

'He pays for Sky'. Big deal. Sky does not keep a roof over your heads nor put food on the table. Those are the things that should be accounted for before anything like Sky.

He moved into your house...bit like DH and me, although we're an older generation and no children involved. This bungalow was in my name alone and after our marriage, and the death of my younger daughter, I had it put into joint names - this was because I didn't want him to be homeless if I died. But we share everything, because our (pensions) incomes are similar, we both tip into a separate account for everything from council tax, utilities, food and car costs.

It's my understanding that this half-way split is a starting point and isn't written in stone. A lot will depend on who brought what to the marriage and who has the greater responsibilities. AFAIK no judge will make a mother and children homeless in the interests of giving him half. But do seek advice on this.

Tish_P

You'd have to get proper legal advice but as I understand it courts almost never order the sale of a house if there are children living in it. He may be right about being entitled to some proportion of the equity depending on how long you have been together.

Amanda65

cheese_cake wrote: »

I do get some. That gets bundled in with the child tax credits and child benefit as it's all for the benefit of the children.

So how much extra (sorry if I'm being too nosey) on top of your salary do you get in tax credits and maintenance? Does he feel that you 'keep' that money out of the family budget and therefore he has the right to keep some of his money out of the family budget?

cheese_cake wrote: »

I don't know. He told me he would be entitled to half the equity and would persue me through the courts for his fair share and I'd have to sell it. I would need to get legal advice as I don't believe that, but don't know where I stand.

If you've actually had that conversation it sounds as though maybe finances are you're only problem! What an @rse he is :eek:

jetta_wales

I give up, I honestly have no idea what some people actually think a relationship is but this is not it! And yet we get these threads all the time.

My OH would never dream of thinking he was entitled to more money for himself than me, we save everything we have anyway for working on our house together to better our future for our family even though our girls are not biologically his. We're a team we love eachother unconditionally and look at life as a challenge to succeed in and enjoy TOGETHER. We teach our kids about teamwork in school but so many parents can't even grasp the concept themselves!

Wake up, this is not how loving committed couples treat each other. People deserve more than this, you really need to put your foot down and work on it or get a solicitor and at least then have hope that one day you might be happy with a real man not a selfish prat.

skyvicky123

Hi Cheesecake...it's posts like yours that make me realise how good I have it! I really feel for you, as it must make life so difficult when your husband seems to have such a strange idea about what being married is all about.

On the issue of the house I am pretty confident that the house is yours until at least when the kids turn 18! Obviously he has been contributing to the mortgage...but if you split up he'd still be paying you something anyway - you might even find yourself better off financially!

I work PT and OH works FT. He earns 3 times what I do but it all goes into the joint account and I can spend what ever I need. We discuss big purchases and decide together.

If your relatioonship is open and communicative in other ways then you should show him this thread and let him learn how everybody else perceives him!