Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

rdchick

Awww least he did something!

Did you win anything?!

As for engagements, completely forgetting about it now... Or becoming a gypsy... However I think I am a bit past it for them now...

eleanor73

So I F#cking HATE valentines. I ticked every box when it comes to what a boyfriend should do but I am so gutted...this is what happened....
We were in a restaurant and I'd had a few drinks and I was talking to bf about how I had been talking to my best mate about how I think Weddings can be fab and cheap and also fab and expensive eg how he (bf) is very fussy about what he wears so why shouldn't his suit cost as much as my dress (as she had been saying her fiance's suit was from primark when her dress was £1K!). Basically I was saying that if we want certain things why shouldn't we have them etc etc (before that sounds spoilt and demanding we have the savings and can do that). Any way he just went V quiet and looked down and carried on eating. I said 'I'll stop talking about it now' and he said 'you don't have to stop talking about it' and it just went quiet.
I genuinely don't think he has any plan to propose to me before April so shouldn't I just say something now and stop me wasting the next 2 months. I mean if I split up with him now (God I can't believe I'm writing this) by April I will start to be getting over it but if I leave it til April I will have to start then. Does that make sense???

jtr2803

Eleanor, it does.

Does he know about the April deadline? Part of me thinks if he doesn't then you NEED to tell him, it's a bit like missing a deadline at work and having your boss going nuts....you can't possibly meet it if you don't know about it.

If he does then I think you need to hold fire, as hard as that is, and just wait it out. I am almost in a similar position, if it hasn't happened by the time we get back from Kenya (or he hasn't explained why) then I think I will have a tough decision to make. At the moment I don't see him doing it despite all the conversations but I have to give him benefit of the doubt one last time.......

eleanor73

jtr2803 wrote: »

Eleanor, it does.

Does he know about the April deadline? Part of me thinks if he doesn't then you NEED to tell him, it's a bit like missing a deadline at work and having your boss going nuts....you can't possibly meet it if you don't know about it.

If he does then I think you need to hold fire, as hard as that is, and just wait it out. I am almost in a similar position, if it hasn't happened by the time we get back from Kenya (or he hasn't explained why) then I think I will have a tough decision to make. At the moment I don't see him doing it despite all the conversations but I have to give him benefit of the doubt one last time.......

God I think he knows. Last March we had THE TALK where I checked out exactly what he wants then June he asked what ring I like then there has been hint after hint and then after he told my friend it was going to be April I cried my heart out (this was last yr) and I said 'it's not even going to be this year' and he said 'I need to do it on my own terms' (GRRRRRRRRR) and I just said 'well I really hope we last until April' and went upstairs. That was before Xmas. He knew I was sad a NY so I am sure he knows. What else can I do without literally spelling it out. I just feel like it's a bit of a death sentence (totally over dramatic I know) and I am constantly thinking to myself...'Am I going to be single in April?' 'What will I do with the house?' (we rent my mates house togehter) and loads of other crazy stuff.
& if it si before April is it only cos he feels he has to???

Do you have all the same crazy stuff in your head and if so how do you stay sane? (to use your own phrase!!!:rotfl:)

jtr2803

I don't stay sane, just trying to talk to my mum about it turns me into an emotional, blubbering wreck. I spend the majority of the time thinking I am clearly not good enough to have a ring on my finger, if I was then he would have done it by now surely? I try to justify it by saying that men don't think and feel the same way about weddings and marriage that we do, to them it just isn't a big deal but because it is a big deal to ME then why can't he just get on with it, especially if he means it when he says he wants to spend his life with me.....it's a vicious circle. It knocks my confidence, makes me wonder what is wrong with me, it makes me bitter some of the time too, I've done my best to be a good girlfriend, what on earth more could I have done?

We have now had no less than THREE serious talks about it, I have never given him a 'deadline' but I have made it crystal bl00dy clear how I felt and as yet, he doesn't seem to have actually twigged that this will be make or break. We come back from Kenya on the 3rd of April and the balance is due on our Maldives trip on the 15th of April, if he doesn't do it while we are away he will have those 12 days to make his mind up, simple.

eleanor73

Oh my goodness I feel 100% the same apart from my Mum knows how I feel but I almost can't bring myself to REALLY tell her because I don't want her to hate him. I also hate any kind of pity so although my mates all know I just do the brave face thing and say 'well if he hasn't done it by April then I'm off' stuff. They all know that deep down I'm struggling and try to help but also they know how proud I am so don't push too hard. It's already hard because I already did the 'if it's not by NYE 2011 then I'm off' so I already feel like a massive mug.
I agree with all the stuff about it knocking your confidence. I just hate it and I don't know if I can do it til April. I don't know if I can live this lie where I pretend to be happy because I am not. He was moaning because I don't do enough around the house (I don't) and I felt like saying that I don't feel like a normal 31yr old woman who may have pride in her house, maybe she will have bought her own house, maybe her kids live in it. I sometimes feel like I have a bit of a housmate.

I totally understand your feelings on everything but doesn't it scare you that he'll feel he has to propose? Because I feel like if mine does it will because I've basically told him to. My mates say that some men will always need a massive kick up the bum so I shouldn't worry about that?

pixo

I'm a long time lurker on this thread (well over 6 months lurking). Never posted before as OH's family use this forum and I thought they'd probably think I was mad for posting on this ... never thought about making a new username!! Doh.

I almost feel a little guilty(? not sure if thats the right word for it) for posting when some of you have been waiting so much longer and I'm probably a little young... but my OH.. he's the one and i'd love nothing more than to be engaged, married and starting a family (which i refuse to without being married first.. I haven't a problem with other people doing it.. I'd just prefer it that way round for me).

So.. I guess Hi!

..and congratulations daisy.. I really am so happy for you!

rdchick

Oh Eleanor I really feel for you, why do men do that? Go quiet and not say what they mean. (I hold my hands up and say I also do this but I just lack assertiveness all round really) if they just said well one day or something to that effect but no, instead we fear the negative, it knocks our confidence and we think why do I bother.

I think that maybe you should tell him how serious you are about being engaged and how much it would mean to you and why he is the one you want to marry, he might be getting cold feet about the actual asking part (men are odd creatures aren't they?!) so he might open up a bit. I don't know if I would tell him the April bit just yet but it is only 2 months away I guess.

So just one proposal this valentines day then?
I wasn't expecting one but it's always in the back of your mind...
I told the BF what he's doing for his birthday (flying a plane) and he is super excited, I am just excited about the awesome room we will have at the hotel and trying not to think how lovely a proposal would be on the balcony of said room over looking Cardiff Bay... Not gonna happen at all.

Yay it's hump day on other notes AND not Valentines day... Horrah! Xxx

rdchick

Hi Pixo!

How old are ya if you don't mind me asking?!

I'm with ya on the marriage before babies but sometimes understand it just don't work out that way for some people! xxx

pixo

About to turn 22...
I've only ever been in two proper relationships (incl this one) both long term.