Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

rdchick

It's difficult, I wouldn't ask mine because I, too, know the answer, but if you think you're ready then why not?

This Valentines has not worked out for most of us... can't wait to hear the good news from Daisie just to know there is some hope.

Thinking about my BF, he was with his ex at least 3 years... they didn't live together (we do and we have a cat... that's progress right?!) so I know I have at least another 18 months to wait before anything happens... I think it will be more like 5... or when I come back from being in a warzone... xxx

AllyS

Hi all

First of all age doesn't come into anything. I first got married at 21, we had been together just under 3 years when we married, he propsed within 6 months, we knew that we wanted to be together and everything just progressed very quickly, if he had made me wait I would have been posting on here all them years ago Please don't let the fact that we got divorced put you off, it had nothing to do with age, more to do with the fact that he wouldn't communicate so we could work through our problems.

Eleanor I am so sorry, I really don't know what to say. It is such a difficult position to be in, why can't these stupid men see it! Grrrr annoyed on your behalf!!

and as for saving for a house before getting married, that is just a delay tactic, for my first marriage, we had nothing, no money, no where to live, I am probably not the best person for being responsible even now I am a bit of a romantic and not very practical :rotfl:it was fun, I loved them years, we ended up living in a lovely house in one of the best areas of town and that is when it all went wrong. Marriage is about growing old together and achieving your dreams together Sorry I am such a bad influence, probably why my friends always ask me for advice :rotfl:

Babies, I know what you mean, we had a discussion a few months ago, about if I should change my name (I still have my married name) and other half asked why I just didn't go back to my maiden surname. I said that if he wants to have a baby, I would have 3 children and none of them would have the same surname as me and that in my eyes, is awful (so sorry if I offend, I really am unjudgemental of other people, just not something I want) and he said well you could always change your name to mine by deed pole. Ummmm nope! :rotfl:I am not making it that easy on you. I will have your surname, when you can be bothered to marry me! Stupid a** :rotfl: I have to say though loads of my old school friends on facebook have done this recently, I guess they have got fed up waiting for marriage, decided time is running out, had a baby and then changed their surname by deedpoll.

I had a lovely valentines, lovely flowers, teddy and a lovely meal - on my music playlist I put the song 'Thousand Years' by Cristina Perri, google the lyrics/song. Twilight fans may already recongnise it. This song sums up totally how I feel and I told him. Basically the song is that they are scared to love/marry, but as soon as they see the other person sad/upset and alone they love them so much how can they be scared anymore. I said to him last night, him proposing means this for me, that he loves me enough not to be scared anymore.

I am feeling a little delicate about the whole marriage thing today, OH needs to be extra nice today

AsknAnswer2

He said he's not ready, doesn't know when he will be but he does think about us getting married. He apologised saying that he didn't want to hurt me and that he does sometimes wonder if it would be kinder to let me go to find someone else because he knows it is what I want but that he doesn't want to lose me either. I told him that I didn't want to get married for married's sake - I wanted to marry him. He worries that someday I'll get sick of waiting and end it, he doesn't want us to end but nor will he marry me just to stop it ending because it would be marrying me for the wrong reason. And I wouldn't want him to - I don't want him to marry me because he feels he has to because it would only lead to resentment long term. But I did say to him that I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't get sick of waiting and walk away, telling him I'd thought about it a few times and that there might well come a time where something will trigger it and it will just be enough. I asked him what was bothering him about it and he said he worries about it all going wrong and how messy it could get which is crazy really because aside from this we have a good relationship. I think he just fears that final step of official commitment. It's scary for him.

AllyS

rdchick wrote: »

Thinking about my BF, he was with his ex at least 3 years... they didn't live together (we do and we have a cat... that's progress right?!) so I know I have at least another 18 months to wait before anything happens... I think it will be more like 5... or when I come back from being in a warzone... xxx

Definite progrees

My ex DH was in the army, he propsed just before he went off for 6 month tour, do you think anything will happen then?

rdchick

AllyS wrote: »

Definite progrees

My ex DH was in the army, he propsed just before he went off for 6 month tour, do you think anything will happen then?

It's the cat that swings it for me I think

I dunno but it will be 2015/2016 before that happens as I have to actually get into the RAF first, then 3 years of training then be shipped out! (or flown as the case may be!)

Just think that I should stop thinking about it altogether as it only leads to disappointment.

He says he wants to own a house first but it will be HIS house, not our house like our rented one (kinda) is. I will feel like I have no input as to what he does in it and kinda feel like I shouldn't be there when he chooses it.. it will be his money that pays for it... I'll just pay him 'keep' to be there xxx

AllyS

AsknAnswer2 wrote: »

He said he's not ready, doesn't know when he will be but he does think about us getting married. He apologised saying that he didn't want to hurt me and that he does sometimes wonder if it would be kinder to let me go to find someone else because he knows it is what I want but that he doesn't want to lose me either. I told him that I didn't want to get married for married's sake - I wanted to marry him. He worries that someday I'll get sick of waiting and end it, he doesn't want us to end but nor will he marry me just to stop it ending because it would be marrying me for the wrong reason. And I wouldn't want him to - I don't want him to marry me because he feels he has to because it would only lead to resentment long term. But I did say to him that I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't get sick of waiting and walk away, telling him I'd thought about it a few times and that there might well come a time where something will trigger it and it will just be enough. I asked him what was bothering him about it and he said he worries about it all going wrong and how messy it could get which is crazy really because aside from this we have a good relationship. I think he just fears that final step of official commitment. It's scary for him.

That is exactly the same answer I get from my OH, no advice just hugs xx

rdchick wrote: »

It's the cat that swings it for me I think

I dunno but it will be 2015/2016 before that happens as I have to actually get into the RAF first, then 3 years of training then be shipped out! (or flown as the case may be!)

Just think that I should stop thinking about it altogether as it only leads to disappointment.

He says he wants to own a house first but it will be HIS house, not our house like our rented one (kinda) is. I will feel like I have no input as to what he does in it and kinda feel like I shouldn't be there when he chooses it.. it will be his money that pays for it... I'll just pay him 'keep' to be there xxx

I live in my OH house, it doesn't really bother me most of the time, I do worry if he dies what will happen to the house, because obviously at the moment, it will go to his parents, but he said they would never ask me to leave, which I am pretty sure they won't either. If we end up being together for a long time and still not married, I will speak to him about it again. It is stupidly cheap rent in my eyes at the moment, so I am happy. Try not to worry about who's name is on the mortgage at the end of the day it is a home for you both to live in

rdchick

AllyS wrote: »

I live in my OH house, it doesn't really bother me most of the time, I do worry if he dies what will happen to the house, because obviously at the moment, it will go to his parents, but he said they would never ask me to leave, which I am pretty sure they won't either. If we end up being together for a long time and still not married, I will speak to him about it again. It is stupidly cheap rent in my eyes at the moment, so I am happy. Try not to worry about who's name is on the mortgage at the end of the day it is a home for you both to live in

Just think ahh f#*k it, what ever happens, happens, I'm not gonna sit here (almost in tears! :rotfl:) and dwell on it thinking why hasn't he asked me yet? etc etc as much as it hurts it's up to him... but if someone whisks me off my feet and asks me to marry them I can't be accountable for my actions :rotfl:





Never gonna happen... Will be on this thread for the next 5 years! xxx

AllyS

rdchick wrote: »

Just think ahh f#*k it, what ever happens, happens, I'm not gonna sit here (almost in tears! :rotfl:) and dwell on it thinking why hasn't he asked me yet? etc etc as much as it hurts it's up to him... but if someone whisks me off my feet and asks me to marry them I can't be accountable for my actions :rotfl:

I said this to my OH the other day, don't be angry with me if someone else beats you to it, just because you are scared of being with the best thing that has ever happened to you!! :rotfl:

I will also be here for a long time......................... xxxx

lil_miss_insanity

AllyS wrote: »

I said this to my OH the other day, don't be angry with me if someone else beats you to it, just because you are scared of being with the best thing that has ever happened to you!! :rotfl:

I will also be here for a long time......................... xxxx

I was watching The Hotel last night and there was a couple who were together 9 years before married, and he said "Don't worry I won't keep you waiting *that* long". I gave him a look and said "Damn right you won't, or I'll find someone that needs a visa";) :rotfl:

I don't think I'd consider leaving him, as I'd rather have him on his terms than not have him at all. Our relationship is like I'm already his wife (or mother, depending how you look at it!) as we live together, have rabbits , plus he relies on me for all practical stuff (rent, bills etc in my name). I just have to remember that he's still young so I'm a couple of years ahead of him. Sucks, though.

verandi

We've made it to 1000 posts and 50 pages ladies. Not sure if that is a good or a bad thing :rotfl: but at least we have something to congratulate each other for today! :T