Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

Brighton_belle

eleanor73 wrote: »

Unfortunately I can't wait 9 years. If I was younger I may but if I waited 9 years I would be 39 and I really want kids. So April it is. Scary!

Oh I agree Eleanor, you absolutely can't and mustn't wait 9 years!! Wanting kids adds time pressure for a woman and that isn't your fault, it is just a fact of life.

eleanor73

robpw2 wrote: »

did anyone watch the don't tell the brides proposals , i love the one in the station .

Perhaps all you ladies waiting can propse yourselves one its 2012 leap year and two were in the 21st century for gawd sake you want equality so stand up for your selves and go get what you want

Everyone's different. It was hard enough me telling him that I wanted to get married and have kids. It's in his hands now. If I proposed I'd be wondering why he didn't do it and think he wasn't really into it. He knows what I want and the ball is in his court. I've shown my vulnerable side enough thanks!!

jtr2803

AsknAnswer2 wrote: »

Well the last time I almost asked him was years ago. I decided to take the bull by the horns and I proposed last night, ring and all. I dithered over whether or not to do it and decided if I didn't do it, I'd probably regret it and wonder what the answer would have been, so I did it. I made sure it was romantic as he loves romance, and I told him how I felt about him and our relationship. I didn't get the answer I'd hoped for and am absolutely gutted. I'm glad he was upfront because I don't want him to say yes just because it's what I want - I want him to say it because it's what he wants too. But I won't lie and hide my upest either.

I feel so much heartache for you , you must be gutted but I admire you SO much for having the guts to do it. I don't want to be judgemental because we aren't party to your relationship but after 6 years I think he should be willing to make some commitment to you, whether that is living together, getting married or something else. I hope you are coping ok xx

CONGRATULATIONS VERANDI!!! :beer: That's awesome news on the job, I bet you are so chuffed!

Eleanor, you and I sound very similar in our thoughts on the subject, I remember talking to OH about getting married in our first year and he said we had to be together for a year before we got engaged and then he suddenly stopped telling me he wanted to marry me. Men clearly just don't think about anything they say and I have a prime example......during an emotional conversation I told OH about a comment his brother had made about him and his wife being married with a baby within three years, OH obviously went away and thought about it and the next day he decided to tell me that the reason they had got married so quickly was because his brother obviously realised he was never going to find anyone better so they got married..........................do you want a shovel to go with that comment dear? :mad:

A couple of times now I have almost given up on the idea of getting married because I feel like I have had to push for it so much that it's not really the same anymore, I wanted him to decide I was the right one and make that choice, not me to nag him into it. I have thought about just not discussing it at all to see if he could come to that conclusion on his own but it's almost too late for that already.

rocks+mountains

Hello.

I have kind of been lurking here for a few weeks and after events this weekend have decided I had better post to vent a bit!

Don't know why but over the past month or so what with friends getting engaged and people getting married (Facebook is such a pain, ignorance is bliss!) I have started thing more about getting married, just random thoughts and nothing too major but the seed has been planted and it seems to want to grow quite rapidly...

Then this weekend my bf's best friend proposed to his girlfriend, after how many months you ask...4. Yes 4 months and his mate has gotten engaged. We have been together 4 years and we have barely spoken about marriage! We have just been plodding along quite happily and now his best friend is engaged and one of my friends has just booked her wedding and within the space of a week I have gone from being content to wanting to be married! And I want to go back to plodding along happily and I just don't think it is going to happen so now I have decided the time has come to post to just get it out there!

So that is my moan for the day and my entrance to this thread as I think I will feel better actually posting and venting rather than lurking and only moaning at my laptop which tends not to give too much helpful advice!

On another note-dasiegg congratulations on getting engaged and verandi congratulations on the job offer!

eleanor73

jtr2803 wrote: »

Eleanor, you and I sound very similar in our thoughts on the subject, I remember talking to OH about getting married in our first year and he said we had to be together for a year before we got engaged and then he suddenly stopped telling me he wanted to marry me. Men clearly just don't think about anything they say and I have a prime example......during an emotional conversation I told OH about a comment his brother had made about him and his wife being married with a baby within three years, OH obviously went away and thought about it and the next day he decided to tell me that the reason they had got married so quickly was because his brother obviously realised he was never going to find anyone better so they got married..........................do you want a shovel to go with that comment dear? :mad:

A couple of times now I have almost given up on the idea of getting married because I feel like I have had to push for it so much that it's not really the same anymore, I wanted him to decide I was the right one and make that choice, not me to nag him into it. I have thought about just not discussing it at all to see if he could come to that conclusion on his own but it's almost too late for that already.

That made me smile-I have told myself I am not going to speak about it so many times-it lasts a week and before I know it something is said (like last night!!)
Also my bf talked about us getting married on our 3rd date!! 3rd bleedin date!!! Grrrrrrrrrr
Also Grrrrrr re: his comment about this bro. He'd have got a shovel alright although he's a man-he probably didn't mean it like that.... So do you think you will stick to your deadline? Is it making you feel sick just thinking about it? I hope it all works out the way it should!!

rocks+mountains wrote: »

Hello.

I have kind of been lurking here for a few weeks and after events this weekend have decided I had better post to vent a bit!

Don't know why but over the past month or so what with friends getting engaged and people getting married (Facebook is such a pain, ignorance is bliss!) I have started thing more about getting married, just random thoughts and nothing too major but the seed has been planted and it seems to want to grow quite rapidly...

Then this weekend my bf's best friend proposed to his girlfriend, after how many months you ask...4. Yes 4 months and his mate has gotten engaged. We have been together 4 years and we have barely spoken about marriage! We have just been plodding along quite happily and now his best friend is engaged and one of my friends has just booked her wedding and within the space of a week I have gone from being content to wanting to be married! And I want to go back to plodding along happily and I just don't think it is going to happen so now I have decided the time has come to post to just get it out there!

So that is my moan for the day and my entrance to this thread as I think I will feel better actually posting and venting rather than lurking and only moaning at my laptop which tends not to give too much helpful advice!

On another note-dasiegg congratulations on getting engaged and verandi congratulations on the job offer!

Hello :hello:

Have you guys ever spoken about it? Why don't you think it will happen?

jtr2803

eleanor73 wrote: »

That made me smile-I have told myself I am not going to speak about it so many times-it lasts a week and before I know it something is said (like last night!!)
Also my bf talked about us getting married on our 3rd date!! 3rd bleedin date!!! Grrrrrrrrrr
Also Grrrrrr re: his comment about this bro. He'd have got a shovel alright although he's a man-he probably didn't mean it like that.... So do you think you will stick to your deadline? Is it making you feel sick just thinking about it? I hope it all works out the way it should!!

I actually feel quite calm about the 'deadline' and I don't know why, maybe because I am hoping it really is worst case scenario and I am *hopeful* it won't come to that but part of it is also that I have accepted the way I feel about it won't change and you get to a point where you know you are just dragging out the inevitable and there is no point in that. I would hate for either of us to get to the point where we end up hating each other because of it. I probably sound a bit heartless and I know it would hurt like hell if I had to walk away (and it really is not what I want) but I feel like he has had enough opportunity already and if I let him put it off a bit longer then it will just keep going on and on until it's far too late.

I don't think I have been demanding about it, I haven't constantly nagged and I haven't ever blackmailed him, I have just tried to be open and honest and to try and make him understand how I feel, I can't do anymore than that.

wanchai_2

jtr - I thought you were engaged now? xx

jtr2803

wanchai wrote: »

jtr - I thought you were engaged now? xx

Not yet hun, we talked about getting married next year and OH said he wanted to do the proper proposal, then nothing happened or was said on the subject, I mentioned it a few weeks back and he admitted to asking his parents if they would come abroad but that's it at the moment. I am still waiting for him to do this proper proposal but at the moment I don't have any confidence that he will, hence my post above

CFC

jtr2803 wrote: »

I actually feel quite calm about the 'deadline' and I don't know why,

I probably sound a bit heartless and I know it would hurt like hell if I had to walk away (and it really is not what I want) but I feel like he has had enough opportunity already and if I let him put it off a bit longer then it will just keep going on and on until it's far too late.

I don't think I have been demanding about it, I haven't constantly nagged and I haven't ever blackmailed him, I have just tried to be open and honest and to try and make him understand how I feel, I can't do anymore than that.

You don't sound heartless, you sound wise and sensible. Life is not an endless bed of roses accompanied by champagne where girlies can dream of romantic sweet nothings and glam proposals for years and years....life is a journey that comes to an end. Dont' waste time waiting for those who don't know their own mind or who are too full of themselves to want to get married. Find someone who sees your worth and is sensible and man enough to not let A Good Thing slip away!

squ1rrel5

Congratulations Verandi on getting the job!

Hugs to everyone else who's OH is stll being an idiot!!!

I have a whole bunch of mixed feelings this morning.....

Saw my group of best friends last night.... there are 5 of us and we are really close but due to life getting in the way, we only ever catch up every 4/5 months and inevitably one of us always has news whenever we meet up!!
This time for obvious reasons I hoped the big news would come from me... either an engagement or a baby on the way but I had to sit there in silence while one of my friends announced she is pregnant!! Obviously I am soo excited for her as she is the first one of us and she's so thrilled about it (although it made me feel really sad when every single one of them said they were surprised as they had always thought I'd be first!).

I remember when she announced her engagement (18 months ago and already married now - however they had been together YEARS!) and how she just sort of slipped it into the conversation casually during a night out and everyone shrieked with joy.
I sooo wanted to do that last night, thinking it totally would have happened by now seeing as since I saw them last I have had my birthday, a holiday, Christmas, New Year and now V'day!!!!

I came home to OH last night and just cried in bed not really sure how I felt.
1. Absolutely ecstatic for my friend
2. Feeling guilty and hating myself for being so insanely jealous.
3. Feeling inadequate that despite trying for double the time my friend has I am still not PG
4. Thinking that if we were at least engaged and planning our wedding it would take my mind of thinking about getting pg every 5 minutes and I probably wouldnt be so depressed.
5. Wondering if OH only took me ring shopping as he thought it would shut me up for a while (does he not realise that this had actually unleashed a whole new beast!!)

My head is still in a whirl this morning and I just can't settle...