Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

squ1rrel5

The thing that frustrates me most is that whenever I get upset, OH knows exactly why it is that I feel like that yet here I am still waiting....
I know he cant make miracles happen on the baby front but the other situation is entirely down to him and I just dont know what he's waiting for.
I know he wants to do it and I know he wants to be married before having children so why is he taking so long....

It makes me think that he really does want the proposal to be special but I really dont want that if it's going to take forever to get there... there are no occasions coming up (until our holiday which is aaaaaages away) where it would just happen so if he is going to choose a random day why not today or tomorrow or Saturday (etc etc) ... go on honey, just do it for the hell of it!!!!!

One of my other friends who has been together with her OH for 5 months was even talking about weddings last night - we are the only two out of the group who are officially of single status (although she says I dont count because I am divorced) but it wouldnt surprise me the way things are going if I am officially the last of us sat on the shelf.....

Saturday's shopping trip actually seems like such a long time ago now.....

squ1rrel5

Girls, I wish I had as much bravery as some of you on this thread, Ask n Answer, that was such a scary and lovely thing to do at the same time and I'm so sorry that you didnt get the response you wanted... I hope it doesnt make things too hard for you and it all works out in the end

Also wish the best of luck to jtr and eleanor - with deadlines.... although I obviously hope that it doesnt come to that stage...

I really feel for you knowing how frustrated it must be trying to stop thinking about it too much until that time comes....

Despite my frustrations, that is something I would never do as like a few others, if I HAD to compromise I could live without the marriage - but for that to happen, OH would have to sit down and say to me and tell me why he didnt believe in marriage.

The thing is I know he does believe in it and I know he wants to marry me so frustratingly I just have to wait until he sees fit....

I guess my realistic type of deadline would be, if he hasnt proposed by a certain time (still tbc, annoyingly I'd probably wait until towards the end of the year, If I was still sane by then) I would definitely have to announce that we ARE getting married and he can take it or leave it.... if he said NO after all that, then god help me.... (or him!) :eek:

AsknAnswer2

Verandi, big congratulations on the job. I am very happy for you and I'm sure you will get that 2:1. You have to believe in yourself and go for it.

Thank you to everyone for your supportive posts. I spent much of yesterday feeling downtrodden about the whole thing and Squ1rrel5 you are absolutely right, after this amount of time I do need some sort of commitment from him. Him saying he thinks about it and that he wouldn't marry anyone else just isn't enough anymore. It was enough after the first two years, even three years but now, it just isn't. If it was a friend going through this I'd have told her a long time ago to have it out with him. We never can take our own advice, can we? It hit me this morning just how surplus to requirements I feel. I need to shake myself out of this fantasy that he might have a revalation in the next few months and suddenly realise that it is what he wants, because this is real life and that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I need to arrange a talk with him. He might not like ultimatums but I don't like feeling like an afterthought and I am totally sick of being the one in the relationship to suffer disappointment all the time. Perhaps it is partly my fault for being too nice and not wanting to pressurise him so instead I've lived through our relationship based on what his needs are, I've given him everything he wants but I'm realising that I'm not getting out what I've been putting in. It's not right. It's one sided and I need to tell him. It's just a bit awkward trying to arrange a talk being that he lives miles away. I don't want to do this on the phone. I'm going to see if I can speak to him today, I have to.

I've got to get to work but will pop on later.

pixo

Well done Verandi and Good Luck AsknAnswer2.
I've woken up to another engagement on fb. sigh-

daisiegg

Verandi, congratulations on the job! I am about to go on OH's PC to tell you all about my news....unless it's too mean when you're all feeling depressed? but at least you know I know how it feels as it was me last week, so it shows there is hope for us all!

74jax

daisiegg wrote: »

Verandi, congratulations on the job! I am about to go on OH's PC to tell you all about my news....unless it's too mean when you're all feeling depressed? but at least you know I know how it feels as it was me last week, so it shows there is hope for us all!

tell tell tell:beer:

daisiegg

Ok, this might be quite long so feel free to skip to the good bits if you wish!! I will put things that are directly proposal related in bold to make that even easier...

Well, just to make it cohesive, as you know, OH had booked for us to go away somewhere for a couple of days over Valentine's day, and that was to be my present. He had told me it was just somewhere in the UK not too far away, and that was what I fully expected. On Saturday night I made him a fancy 5 course Valentine's meal and we had an absolutely perfect night, and then on Sunday morning he woke me up with a cup of tea and a wrapped up present. I opened it to find a woolly hat...at which point he said "You'll be needing that as we're going to Prague!" He did look ever so pleased with himself as I shrieked with excitement

So on Monday morning we left for the airport, did a little bit of shopping in the terminal, had some champagne in the lounge and then more champagne on the flight (we were flying BA business class) and it was all very exciting. We were met at Prague airport by a car and taken to our hotel, which was amazing (here it is http://www.alchymisthotel.com/ if anyone is interested - would really recommend it!) Our suite was gorgeous, with a big four poster bed and a crazy chandelier. We relaxed a bit and found somewhere online to go out for dinner (I have some severe food allergies so we need to be quite careful where we eat, and need to research in advance to make sure there will be options for me to eat.)

When we went out to go to dinner it was gently snowing and absolutely beautiful. Did feel kind of creepy as in the 7 minute walk to the restaurant we didn't see a single other person! The restaurant was nice but I had an allergic reaction and spent most of the evening hanging over a toilet, while OH sat looking like a loser drinking his way through our bottle of wine. Went back to the hotel quite early and I was all tearful and upset, feeling like I'd ruined the holiday, we didn't even have umm intimate times or anything, and it all felt very rubbish. From my perspective at that moment nothing was looking very promising!

That first night, OH barely slept a wink - he was tossing and turning all over the place. I remember asking him in the night if he was worried about something and he said "Yes". I asked if it was work (it usually is) and he said no, but wouldn't tell me what it was.

The next morning was Valentine's day and we exchanged presents, but OH didn't give me a card. Now I knew there was a card, as I had previously searched his bag to see if there was a ring and had seen the envelope, so it struck me as weird that he didn't give it to me. When I asked he just said something like "oh I can't be bothered to get it out now, you can have it later". Odd, I thought.

We got up and went out exploring, wrapped up very warm in lots of layers and it was beautiful and snowy. We were trying to find Prague Castle which we had seen as we drove to the hotel, and we couldn't figure out where it was (turns out we were right on top of it!). I thought it was a bit odd that OH was so fixated on finding it even though I said a few times "look, there's lots to see and do, I don't want to be wandering around half the day just trying to find this place" but he was determined to find it.

Eventually we found it (by walking up a hill and realising it had been behind us the whole time!) and we looked round, had some lunch etc. It was beautiful and very Gothic, which I love.

So....we were just walking back past the castle again when suddenly OH stopped walking and turned to me. He said "I have a question to ask you." My immediate thought was "OH MY GOD!" and then in a split second I thought no, this can't be it, don't get excited, don't get excited so I responded (apparently very grumpily) "What is it?". Damn, I will have to remember that forever, whereas in all the times I'd imagined it when he said "I have a question to ask you" I would look up at him with shining eyes and say, breathlessly, "Yes, darling?" But no, in reality, I look away grumpily and say "What is it?" Nevermind!

So, he then said "*my name* will you marry me?"

I think he said some other stuff about wanting to love me and look after me forever or something, but by this point I had burst into tears and could barely breathe - I kept saying "Really? are you not joking? really? do you mean it?" to the point where he had to ask "Are you actually going to answer the question?" Of course I said yes and bawled my eyes out. He says he will never forget the look on my face

He didn't go down on one knee (everyone has asked this) - which is fine by me...there was snow on the ground and it would have drawn attention to us, which I didn't really want, and there are ways in which that is not appropriate for our type of relationship.

He didn't have a ring - he said he wanted to go ring shopping together and for me to get the fun of trying lots on and finding the one I really really loved, rather than him choosing something he hoped I'd like and then me being stuck with it. He'd considered buying a ring but apparently when we look in ring shop windows I give nothing away about what I really like (probably because I was always trying to be very noncommital in case he had already bought something and I didn't want him to think I didn't like the type he'd bought!)

We did go straight to one of the many jewellery shops in Prague selling Czech garnet and bought a cheap silver and garnet ring for me to wear on that finger until we get the proper one, which is awesome as it's still really pretty and I'll get to keep it forever and remember that special time.

He was really sweet. He said he decided back in November to propose, and he's already spoken to his daughter about it and everything - so I know it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing. Apparently he decided to do it at Prague Castle because "lots of people propose in restaurants but restaurants aren't there forever - I wanted to do it somewhere that has been there hundreds of years and will always be there for the rest of our lifetimes".

We eventually went back to the hotel and I got my Valentine's card - it was clear why he hadn't wanted to give it to me that morning as it said "To my fiancee" on the front

We went out for a lovely meal that evening (with the exception of a starter of scallops with strawberries and champagne jelly....scallops and strawberries has got to be THE worst flavour combination I've ever tasted!) and spent the whole time discussing weddings, which was so exciting. We want to do it soon - we're looking at December 2012 or, if that's not possible, April 2013 (I am a teacher so we're limited to the school holidays).

So...in the next couple of weeks I need to choose a ring (he won't tell me the budget so I'm really not sure what I can look at!) and start planning a wedding!!!

I have felt so strange over the last couple of days. I have literally spent at least the last year obsessing over this (ever since he told me once, when we'd been together around 8 months, that he thought a year into a relationship was a good time to get engaged - so I've been on tenterhooks since our one year anniversary!) and now, suddenly, it's happened. I don't really know how to feel! It's so odd to be able to talk to OH about rings, weddings, etc, rather than skirting around subjects and dropping hints like I have got so used to. We keep calling each other "my fiance/e" or "my future wife/husband" and I can hardly believe it.

I felt quite sad when we got home last night as I phoned my mum, wanting a really excited weddingy conversation, and she just did not seem that happy or excited I think it's probably because she is ill at the moment, because she seemed over the moon when I phoned her from Prague to tell her the news. She did, however, manage to tell me that my sister (who will be my maid of honour) is upset as I got engaged on her birthday when she doesn't even have a boyfriend (and never has). Coupled with the fact that my best friend hadn't texted me back at all, AND I couldn't even come on this thread and get excited with you girls as OH would wonder what I was doing...I felt a bit rubbish for a little while last night. Then my best friend phoned me and saved the day by being possibly even more excited than me, which is exactly what I needed. She agreed to be a bridesmaid and, although my sister has to be my MOH, I think my best friend will be the one who is much more involved than her. So...I feel a bit better this morning.

I know I have not been on this thread for long but I HAVE been waiting for what has felt like ages, and joined the thread as soon as I discovered it! I will probably continue to hang around here like a bad smell until I've seen all the rest of you married off...which WILL happen. Hopefully I can be a bit of living proof that there is hope!

daisiegg

Oh, 74jax, I am joining you in being another future Mrs Jones lol!

74jax

Aw that is fantastic! It is weird looking back at how they do it isn't it. I remember my oh talking me all round Rome trying to find the blooming Trevi Fountain. I was just like you saying it doesn't matter.

What he did with the card is unbelieveable. I am sure my heart skipped a beat at thst, it is truely thoughtful.

I am sure once your mum is better she will be a huge support.

Have you asked your sister to be moh already, you can have who you like, so maybe your bestfriend could be?

Omg I always think its so romantic when couples get engaged AND married in the same year.

I am SO pleased for you, you must be so excited.

I am utterly thrilled. x

74jax

daisiegg wrote: »

oh, 74jax, i am joining you in being another future mrs jones lol!

the best:t