Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jtr2803

Ally - I am soooo pleased that your smear was all ok and you can relax at last, you must have been so worried. We are all sending you baby dust (you can actually just have mine, I don't want it! :rotfl:).

Squirrel - I hope you are ok too, if you are any little bit at all like me then I can guess you almost feel more unsettled about the whole thing than you did a few months ago! It's been almost 7 weeks since we had 'the chat' and the whole reason I did it was because I was fed up with the not knowing but right now, I don't feel any better for it!

wanchai_2

jtr2803 wrote: »

Not yet hun, we talked about getting married next year and OH said he wanted to do the proper proposal, then nothing happened or was said on the subject, I mentioned it a few weeks back and he admitted to asking his parents if they would come abroad but that's it at the moment. I am still waiting for him to do this proper proposal but at the moment I don't have any confidence that he will, hence my post above

jtr2803 wrote: »

I can imagine how you are feeling, even though I don't regret splitting up with my ex-husband, for some reason I always thought it would be me who would get married again first. When he proposed to his now wife, OH and I had been together just over a year and while it wasn't a surprise as they had been together for almost five years by that time, it really stung. I wanted to have DD as MY bridesmaid first, not theirs. I am friends with ex hubbys wife on facebook as that was often the easiest way to to make arrangements for DD and I hated every single wedding related update and status. Yes, we have both moved on.....well he has but I don't feel like I have.

Edit - I mean move on with our lives, not move on from our relationship.

PS - I hate the fact SHE has the same name as my daughter too, I changed mine back to my maiden name about five years ago.

Aw, I really feel for you hon. Have a massive hug from me :A:A:A:A:A:A:A You have been through quite a lot, haven't you? xxxx

Daisy-May*

Ive been lurking on these forums for a very long time, just never posted so please be gentle!

Firstly congratulations Daisiegg it was lovely to read your proposal it was so sweet!

Right so here's my story (im really sorry to bore you all!)

Ive been with my OH for 7 years and 8 months, some of you may say im lucky because we recently put a deposit down on a ring that I fell in love with (we only went to have a browse and I found a ring purely by accident - I suppose I should be pleased OH did put a deposit down as I know I technically have an engagement ring) however my problem is although I have told a few people we have been looking at rings only me and OH know about my ring as we havent told anyone so its a massive secret - only me and him know.

I have been told to be patient (i was told this before we chose the ring as well) but my patience is wearing thin. I feel in someways my OH only got the ring as I was giving him a pretty hard time for a few months before hand, I know this isnt the case but I dont want to feel like I have pushed him into doing this just to keep me happy - sounds stupid doesnt it. Also Im not really that bothered about being engaged I would happily skip that part and just get married (but OH said he has to propose first)

I feel bad posting as some of you may feel Im moaning over nothing, but its been nearly 8 years we have been together and we have spoken about marriage seriously for at least the last year or so and I feel he has kept me waiting AGES!!

Thanks for reading ladies xx

indiepanda

jtr2803 wrote: »

So.....after all that waffle....did anyone else have an agonising wait before their proposal? Did anyone else just tell them it was about time they did it? How did you stay sane during the wait? I have a couple of friends who are getting married soon and they all got with their partners after us so I am doing the 'when is it my turn?' thing. Argh, I am so impatient!

Well, my proposal story sounds quite romantic - in Rome at midnight on New Years Eve just gone, in the piazza in front of the Pantheon, the 2nd anniversary of when we first met - we met down the pub new year's eve shortly after midnight and had our first date on new year's day.

However.... if I fill in a bit of the back story it doesn't sound quite as romantic.

I'll be honest, I've never been that fussed about being married. Wanted to meet a lovely man to settle down with but as not wanting children and not religious didn't see any particular need for marriage. My fiance felt very much the same. We moved in together 2 months after we met and were hardly apart the previous month, family and friends met and loved him and all was going well until late October nearly 2 years on...

Picture the scene, me chilling out in front of the TV, the key goes in the door, in walks my OH... with the police. Now I knew my OH was from overseas, but as far as I knew he was here legally. The police had pulled him over for forgetting to stick his headlamps on, heard a foreign accent and started to check his details out - immigration had no record of him. One confession that he'd been here illegally for 12 years later he was led away to the police van in handcuffs for a night in the cells. From there he was moved to an immigration detention centre and then within 2 weeks sent back home.

After a lot of tears and soul searching on both our parts, I decided I believed it was only this he had lied about and was otherwise genuine in his love for me and we were resigned to the fact the only way for us to be together was to apply for a fiance visa.

I'm glad he still did a proper proposal and scraped together the money to buy me a ring so it feels more romantic, and frankly I'll be so overjoyed to have him home I'll feel like having the celebration of the wedding, in part to thank the friends who've been so supportive in his absence and just because I've missed him sooooo much.

However, while I am busy sorting out visa application paperwork and he is thousands of miles away I can't say I feel like the usual B2B!

AllyS

Thanks for all your posts. I found out because my dd who is visiting her dad at the mo put congrats dad and Gf on her Facebook so ex didn't even tell me.

Anyway, they have only been together a year, he has had 4 Gf since we split up. He really hurt me and destroyed everything, but tonight I got a small apology! But he is a compulsive liar these days so who knows if he meant it.

The children haven't met her yet, which is what he think I am upset about and they dont even live together, he said it would be a long engagement. He has always followed his heart and not his head so I am not surprised. Just gutted its not me engaged. To be honest I don't know who I am more mad at!

I feel a lot better about if now. Thanks guys xx

squ1rrel5

Daisy-May* wrote: »

I have been told to be patient (i was told this before we chose the ring as well) but my patience is wearing thin. I feel in someways my OH only got the ring as I was giving him a pretty hard time for a few months before hand, I know this isnt the case but I dont want to feel like I have pushed him into doing this just to keep me happy - sounds stupid doesnt it. Also Im not really that bothered about being engaged I would happily skip that part and just get married (but OH said he has to propose first)

I feel bad posting as some of you may feel Im moaning over nothing, but its been nearly 8 years we have been together and we have spoken about marriage seriously for at least the last year or so and I feel he has kept me waiting AGES!!

Thanks for reading ladies xx

Welcome Daisie May x

Are you me in disguise?! Apart from the length of time together (you have definitely been patient enough so far) this is just like my situation. I know I am getting a ring having been shopping to choose it but have also been told to be patient. In reality I would get married tomorrow with no ring but he wants to propose so I have to let him do it in his own time...

I know in real time it won't be long but in Squ1rrel world every second feels like a lifetime!

lil_miss_insanity

What is it with the rings? A few months ago, OH suggested I find out my ring size and show him an indication of the style I like. But then said "doesn't mean I've got plans any time soon." Yet drunkenly he'd told me last year he thought it would be 'next year' (i.e. this year.) So now I feel like I'm constantly waiting!

Knowing him, he'll probably forget all about it though, and I'll get to New Year and he wouldn't have even given it another thought. Then he'll be, all "oh...I'm sorry. Maybe next year..."

Ooh, I'm getting a bit negative - sorry. I'm sure all will be fine. I'm still putting many of my hopes for Rome/Sorrento for our anniversary in May. I need to stop thinking that way though, as I don't want to not enjoy the holiday...argh! Why do they do this to us?

rdchick

I have no hints, no 'next year' no sometime soon... just not now, there' no rush, we have the rest of our lives to get married... blah blah blah... just feel like I've got no say in the matter.

On other notes my horoscopes on MSN are teasing me again: Fortunately, good changes are arriving on the home front. An engagement, birth, or relocation has everybody excited about the future.

look at us all... all bitter and it's only February!

Going to Cardiff on Sunday... can't wait! Made some Lego cakes for BF to take to work instead of having the crappy traybakes work buy (well I buy on behalf of work!) Hopefully everyone likes them and he gets told I am perfect housewife material... fat chance...

xxx

eleanor73

AllyS wrote: »

Those of you that gave me best wishes my smear results came today, I am absolutely fine :T phew, was up all night again worrying, so so pleased I could have cried. Hopefully we will be back on track with baby making, unless he has got cold feet about that now too!!:rotfl:

Yayyyyyyyyy-so pleased to hear this news. It has made my day:j:j

AllyS wrote: »

Thanks for all your posts. I found out because my dd who is visiting her dad at the mo put congrats dad and Gf on her Facebook so ex didn't even tell me.

Anyway, they have only been together a year, he has had 4 Gf since we split up. He really hurt me and destroyed everything, but tonight I got a small apology! But he is a compulsive liar these days so who knows if he meant it.

The children haven't met her yet, which is what he think I am upset about and they dont even live together, he said it would be a long engagement. He has always followed his heart and not his head so I am not surprised. Just gutted its not me engaged. To be honest I don't know who I am more mad at!

I feel a lot better about if now. Thanks guys xx

I'm not in any way saying that you should be happy but sounds like you are well out of it. I actually feel a bit sorry for his new gf?? Is that bad? Am I being stupid? Try not to let it cloud your good health news!! I hope you are ok xxx

I am feeling better. I've got that 'what wil be will be' attitude. Slightly preparing for singledom!!!

MrsDrink

Firstly I want to offer a massive hug to you all - because as you'll have read on this thread I know how you all feel. (Quick summary - it took 5 years of nagging ha to finally persuade MrD to marry me).

I've read through the last few pages of posts as and when you've written them and I want to say something but I really don't want to get anyones hopes up etc...
... I know I was certainly guilty of this - but only because I knew MrD was never going to propose to me - he had told me he didn't want to get married full stop.

But I just want to say - no matter how hard it is - for those of you who HAVE been told they want to marry you, and have gone as far as looking at rings etc... then please 'back off' (meant in the nicest possible way). I can't remember who it was so I'm so sorry (and I'm only using this as a recent example xx) but the lady who had a chat with their OH about it all on Valentines' day and whose partner went all quiet and grumpy... you don't think it *might* have been due to the fact that you'd inadvertently ruined his night? Perhaps he was going to propose that night, and by having 'a chat' he could hardly do it then cause you'd then worry he only did it because you'd nagged him into it. (This is why I said I would never want a proposal - it would have killed me if I had to wait for that after he'd already agreed to marry me).

I think what I'm trying to say - whilst putting my foot in my mouth at the same time is - be patient (ha!) I don't mean wait till the end of time for him to finally get his act together, (god Eleanor I feel for you), but at the same time just back off and see what happens.

(eeeek hope I haven't over stepped the mark here)
((hugs)) to you all.

(Like I said I DID nag MrD into it! Ha!)