Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

rdchick

MrsDrink wrote: »

I think what I'm trying to say - whilst putting my foot in my mouth at the same time is - be patient (ha!) I don't mean wait till the end of time for him to finally get his act together, (god Eleanor I feel for you), but at the same time just back off and see what happens.

(eeeek hope I haven't over stepped the mark here)
((hugs)) to you all.

(Like I said I DID nag MrD into it! Ha!)

Awww MrsD, I think you're right. I text the BF on Wednesday just saying I won't bring it up again and I'm happy to wait until you're ready (through gritted teeth but it had to be said).

And I won't bring it up again, as much as it hurts and as much as I want it I have to respect his wants too

I did think that about the meal proposal talk, maybe he had geared up to ask or has been thinking about it but you beat him to it and was a bit like eeeeeek best say nothing as I could give the game away.

Men are very very confusing things.

Also someone mentioned about marriage on the the 3rd date. That was us too, we had thought about lots of detail of our wedding very early on but now we live together the wedding magic has blown out of the window and I'm gonna be waiting a long time. Just gotta figure out if it's worth it

xxx

MrsDrink

rdchick wrote: »

And I won't bring it up again, as much as it hurts and as much as I want it I have to respect his wants too

That's what this thread is for - god I wish there had been a thread like this in 2005 when I first decided that was it - I wanted to get married!! (And for the 5 years following before MrD finally said 'go on then').

rdchick wrote: »

Men are very very confusing things.

Amen!! Ha! And just when you think you have them figured out something they do/say just throws it all out of the window! :rotfl: Why do we bother!

74jax

rdchick wrote: »

but now we live together the wedding magic has blown out of the window and I'm gonna be waiting a long time. Just gotta figure out if it's worth it

xxx

Just wondering but is everyone who is waiting for a proposal living with OH?

You all know I refused to live with OH without a proposal and lasted 5 year.

I do not know where I am going with this but wondered if you lived together if he doesn't see 'the need' the seal the deal. When you decided to move in, what made you do that not being engaged? I relented after 5 years as he said he needed to know we could live together but he KNEW us living together NOT engaged was short term, if he liked it we got married, if not he let me find someone who wanted what I did.

It might not be linked but would be interesting to see if it is.
men might just be resting on their laurels?

bubblegum6000

Hello

I was wondering if I could join you lovely ladies?! I have become a desperate woman in need of marriage! Have been reading this thread and so glad I found it and I'm not the only one!

Me and OH celebrated our 5th anniversary on monday and it just seems that it is never going to happen! We have lived together for 3.5 years so I think that is him done on commitment! We have been through a couple of bad patches recently and this doesn't help matters! The more recent is because we have been renovating the house and it has caused tensions, making me feel like its just never going to happen In his anniversary card he wrote "here's to the next 5 years" - I then asked in a slightly playful manner if we might be married and he just goes quiet and says "I dont know"

I know it might sound like I'm being pushy but I'm not really! He never gives any idea that one day he would like to get married or have children with me, just that he does want to do both (just not necessarily with me :cool:) Doesn't exactly instill confidence that he wants me!
It really doesn't help that his brother has got engaged to his gf after only 6 weeks! :eek:

I just keep all my emotions about the whole thing bottled up as its not worth moaning with him anymore! I am also not sure that it will ever happen, so would love to join so I can come on here and chat to people in the same boat (without being judged for being a desperate spinster :cool:)

So i'll be here for at least the next 5 years by the looks of it (Thats my time limit for moving on!) :rotfl:

rdchick

74jax wrote: »

Just wondering but is everyone who is waiting for a proposal living with OH?

You all know I refused to live with OH without a proposal and lasted 5 year.

I do not know where I am going with this but wondered if you lived together if he doesn't see 'the need' the seal the deal. When you decided to move in, what made you do that not being engaged? I relented after 5 years as he said he needed to know we could live together but he KNEW us living together NOT engaged was short term, if he liked it we got married, if not he let me find someone who wanted what I did.

It might not be linked but would be interesting to see if it is.
men might just be resting on their laurels?

We moved in pretty quick from being together, pretty much a month in, but I think in a way there's no rush when you live together, in the old days in order to live with someone you married them...

I also think that once you move out of mum and dads it's hard to move back in, I moved out when I was 20 to live with my now ex, I had no intention of marrying him but I did want to be independent, now I wish I didn't and perhaps it would have been the way I would have done it with my BF, I also knew I couldn't afford to live on my own so once I had left my ex I had to move my stuff back to the folks so I was pretty desperate to move out again and it seemed right with the BF if that makes sense.

Like now the BF wants a mortgage more than a wedding... he says once we (he) owns a house we can start saving for a wedding. He thinks he would be fine to get a mortgage (I have absolutely no way of contributing to the deposit so I don't want my name on the deeds but he earns almost tripple my wage so should be fine) so our rent won't be so high (we currently pay £975 a month :eek:) so we can save to get married.

I won't hold my breath! xxx

rdchick

bubblegum6000 wrote: »

Hello

I was wondering if I could join you lovely ladies?! I have become a desperate woman in need of marriage! Have been reading this thread and so glad I found it and I'm not the only one!

Me and OH celebrated our 5th anniversary on monday and it just seems that it is never going to happen! We have lived together for 3.5 years so I think that is him done on commitment! We have been through a couple of bad patches recently and this doesn't help matters! The more recent is because we have been renovating the house and it has caused tensions, making me feel like its just never going to happen In his anniversary card he wrote "here's to the next 5 years" - I then asked in a slightly playful manner if we might be married and he just goes quiet and says "I dont know"

I know it might sound like I'm being pushy but I'm not really! He never gives any idea that one day he would like to get married or have children with me, just that he does want to do both (just not necessarily with me :cool:) Doesn't exactly instill confidence that he wants me!
It really doesn't help that his brother has got engaged to his gf after only 6 weeks! :eek:

I just keep all my emotions about the whole thing bottled up as its not worth moaning with him anymore! I am also not sure that it will ever happen, so would love to join so I can come on here and chat to people in the same boat (without being judged for being a desperate spinster :cool:)

So i'll be here for at least the next 5 years by the looks of it (Thats my time limit for moving on!) :rotfl:

Hi Bubblegum!

welcome to the club! we know how you feel! I definitely know how you feel about bottling emotions! xxx

eleanor73

MrsDrink wrote: »

But I just want to say - no matter how hard it is - for those of you who HAVE been told they want to marry you, and have gone as far as looking at rings etc... then please 'back off' (meant in the nicest possible way). I can't remember who it was so I'm so sorry (and I'm only using this as a recent example xx) but the lady who had a chat with their OH about it all on Valentines' day and whose partner went all quiet and grumpy... you don't think it *might* have been due to the fact that you'd inadvertently ruined his night? Perhaps he was going to propose that night, and by having 'a chat' he could hardly do it then cause you'd then worry he only did it because you'd nagged him into it. (This is why I said I would never want a proposal - it would have killed me if I had to wait for that after he'd already agreed to marry me).

I think what I'm trying to say - whilst putting my foot in my mouth at the same time is - be patient (ha!) I don't mean wait till the end of time for him to finally get his act together, (god Eleanor I feel for you), but at the same time just back off and see what happens.

(eeeek hope I haven't over stepped the mark here)
((hugs)) to you all.

(Like I said I DID nag MrD into it! Ha!)

You haven't overstepped the mark and thanks for the hug!!! The issue for me is I am honest and passionate and this is on my mind every day and I am angry with him about it so without being a completely different person I can't just carry on pretending life is lovely. On the other hand I am trying to say nothing. In regards to V day he definitely wasn't going to propose (I just know this) and I wasn't nagging him about him proposing I was talking about how I would feel differently to my friend regarding a wedding and wedding plans and that is when he shut down.

rdchick wrote: »

Awww MrsD, I think you're right. I text the BF on Wednesday just saying I won't bring it up again and I'm happy to wait until you're ready (through gritted teeth but it had to be said).

And I won't bring it up again, as much as it hurts and as much as I want it I have to respect his wants too

You are very good-my bf would love a text saying I won't mention it again. he won't be getting one. I barely mention it anyway now but one minute I feel I should mention the April deadline again and one minute I shouldn't be talking about it etc etc.

74jax wrote: »

Just wondering but is everyone who is waiting for a proposal living with OH?

You all know I refused to live with OH without a proposal and lasted 5 year.

I do not know where I am going with this but wondered if you lived together if he doesn't see 'the need' the seal the deal. When you decided to move in, what made you do that not being engaged? I relented after 5 years as he said he needed to know we could live together but he KNEW us living together NOT engaged was short term, if he liked it we got married, if not he let me find someone who wanted what I did.

It might not be linked but would be interesting to see if it is.
men might just be resting on their laurels?

I def think there is an element of him feeling comfortable as we live together so doesn't need to do it for himself. However I would not marry someone without living with them. That is obviously a personal thing but I personally feel I would not know 100% that I want to be with someone forever unless I've lived with them and know (and can put up with!) their daily habits. I know some people who were pretty shocked by the whole moving in thing adn didn't quite realise what it was going to be like!

74jax

eleanor73 wrote: »

I def think there is an element of him feeling comfortable as we live together so doesn't need to do it for himself. However I would not marry someone without living with them. That is obviously a personal thing but I personally feel I would not know 100% that I want to be with someone forever unless I've lived with them and know (and can put up with!) their daily habits. I know some people who were pretty shocked by the whole moving in thing adn didn't quite realise what it was going to be like!

:rotfl: that was me :rotfl: OMG I could have given up after 3 months. IT WAS HARD. REALLY HARD. We'd been together as a couple for 5 years, and spent every weekend together, and then moving in and being there EVERY DAY!!!:eek::eek: you can see I
didn't handle it well :rotfl:

What I mean though is my OH knew us moving in together was to see if we 'could' live together and if we 'could' then we got married. if we 'couldn't' then we went our separate ways (I know that sounds heartless but hope you know what I mean).

I just wondered if people on here waiting for a proposal and living with their OH's might find that their OH's didn't think living together equalled marriage at some point and it's no reflection on any of your relationships.

I think i'm just rambling and trying to make you all feel a little better, but failing somewhat....:o

I've heard people say we live together but he won't marry me, as though if he does one he should do the other, but if it was never mentioned when you moved in why would he know..... Ah I'll shut up now, but think it's interesting to see if those who have lived together for years wait longer than those who live together knowing it leads to marriage...

lil_miss_insanity

74jax wrote: »

Just wondering but is everyone who is waiting for a proposal living with OH?

You all know I refused to live with OH without a proposal and lasted 5 year.

I do not know where I am going with this but wondered if you lived together if he doesn't see 'the need' the seal the deal. When you decided to move in, what made you do that not being engaged? I relented after 5 years as he said he needed to know we could live together but he KNEW us living together NOT engaged was short term, if he liked it we got married, if not he let me find someone who wanted what I did.

It might not be linked but would be interesting to see if it is.
men might just be resting on their laurels?

I know what you mean. It was my decision to live together as, after a year and a bit, we were spending most nights together anyway, and I had to move to a new place regardless, so it made sense to get one where we both could live. But yeah, I can see why he wouldn't be in a rush to get married, as he has everything he needs now. I'd just rather have him around. He gets rid of spiders! :rotfl:

Hi bubblegum ! *waves*

lil_miss_insanity

74jax wrote: »

I've heard people say we live together but he won't marry me, as though if he does one he should do the other, but if it was never mentioned when you moved in why would he know..... Ah I'll shut up now, but think it's interesting to see if those who have lived together for years wait longer than those who live together knowing it leads to marriage...

I get that, it's just he's always known that's where it needs to lead. I've been quite upfront about that. Not as a condition of living together, but as a fact of our relationship. Plus, he always said he would "one day." It's just waiting for that day!