Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

rdchick

eleanor73 wrote: »

You are very good-my bf would love a text saying I won't mention it again. he won't be getting one. I barely mention it anyway now but one minute I feel I should mention the April deadline again and one minute I shouldn't be talking about it etc etc.

If I was you I would bring up the April thing again, just to enforce that you mean business if it's exactly what you want but then say you won't mention it again but after April you're going if he hasn't done it?

For me, I know where I stand, he hasn't got my hopes up (recently lol) about marriage he hasn't taken me ring shopping, asked my finger size, hinted he was thinking about it or anything. It's just me wanting it, getting my hopes up and realising I am only disappointing myself... so I won't mention it to him any more and just wait it out xxx

Daisy-May*

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Welcome Daisie May x

Are you me in disguise?! Apart from the length of time together (you have definitely been patient enough so far) this is just like my situation. I know I am getting a ring having been shopping to choose it but have also been told to be patient. In reality I would get married tomorrow with no ring but he wants to propose so I have to let him do it in his own time...

I know in real time it won't be long but in Squ1rrel world every second feels like a lifetime!

Thank for your reply Squ1rrel, its just hard when its all you think about is weddings especially when people ask how long you have been with our OH's its always the next question of "so when are you getting married!!". Sometimes I think that knowing I have a ring already is worse because Im so close yet still so far away from the end result.

I know people say we need to be patient but im sure if it was the other way around and we were keeping our OH's waiting they would be long gone by now!

Women are alway the one's that have to be patient it not fair!!:mad:

mazy_m

lil_miss_insanity wrote: »

I know what you mean. It was my decision to live together as, after a year and a bit, we were spending most nights together anyway, and I had to move to a new place regardless, so it made sense to get one where we both could live. But yeah, I can see why he wouldn't be in a rush to get married, as he has everything he needs now. I'd just rather have him around. He gets rid of spiders! :rotfl:

Hi bubblegum ! *waves*

Ha ha that's the reason I like having mine around...although it took him til this year to actually start to get rid of spiders...he used to be as bad as me....

I think the idea that living together can stop the excitement of weddings etc.. as I guess to some of our OHs this is their form of commitment...especially with pets...lol!!

Glad your smear all came back good Ally and hope those OHs are gonna start pulling their fingers out and making an effort!!

I spoke to mine on Weds about it all and how I thought he was going to do it last year after 5 years....as I had a feeling about an engagement and 5 years!...must be a bit psychic then as his sister got engaged on the 5th year anniversary of their 1st date...after speaking he was like I didn't realise how much you wanted it...i'm sorry.... I was like well it's ruined now anyway....
I really don't know now if i'd say yes...

the sad thing is I really do feel that...I just feel like all the good's been taken out of it...The thing that peeves me is that I didn't even want to get blimming married before I met him and for the first couple of years...then I realised actually I did want to marry him...I would have had no qualms about asking him or saying right so we're getting married...but with that 5 year thing in my head I set myself up something romantic to happen and it didn't...I just wanted him to take control for once and not to feel like he was just along for the ride that was my life ( I can dream about allsorts of rides of my life!! lol!!)

As he's the sort of person that just bumbles along and finds it hard to say no to people so I wanted him to make a decision..

Sorry I didn't mean to vent there it was literally meant to be a quick response!!ekkk

Anyway I hope you're all looking forward to the weekend and have the crunchie feeling....(mmmmm)

xx

AllyS

jtr2803 wrote: »

I can imagine how you are feeling, even though I don't regret splitting up with my ex-husband, for some reason I always thought it would be me who would get married again first. When he proposed to his now wife, OH and I had been together just over a year and while it wasn't a surprise as they had been together for almost five years by that time, it really stung. I wanted to have DD as MY bridesmaid first, not theirs. I am friends with ex hubbys wife on facebook as that was often the easiest way to to make arrangements for DD and I hated every single wedding related update and status. Yes, we have both moved on.....well he has but I don't feel like I have.

Edit - I mean move on with our lives, not move on from our relationship.

PS - I hate the fact SHE has the same name as my daughter too, I changed mine back to my maiden name about five years ago.

This is exactly how I feel, I met OH within a week of me and ex H splitting up, although we were just friends with benefits for a couple of months :rotfl: and I always thought it would be us that would do everything first and I didn't really see the rush, now I feel like the carpet has been pulled from under me a bit. I also feel really uneasy with the fact that his fiancee :mad: may be my (sorry our) kids step mum soon and they and I have still yet to meet her. Just trying to get myself a little more sane today. Made OH go into jewellers today to look at rings, I told him to humour me and I think he thought it wasn't worth the argument refusing me :rotfl:

eleanor73 wrote: »

I'm not in any way saying that you should be happy but sounds like you are well out of it. I actually feel a bit sorry for his new gf?? Is that bad? Am I being stupid? Try not to let it cloud your good health news!! I hope you are ok xxx

I am feeling better. I've got that 'what wil be will be' attitude. Slightly preparing for singledom!!!

Awww hugs, I really hope something happens for you soon xx

I am a bit worried what might happen to be honest, he has not been completely honest with her about some things and I think she is a little mentally dependant on him, I just worry what might happen if it all goes wrong, especially if the kids are anywhere near the firing line!!

74jax wrote: »

Just wondering but is everyone who is waiting for a proposal living with OH?

You all know I refused to live with OH without a proposal and lasted 5 year.

I do not know where I am going with this but wondered if you lived together if he doesn't see 'the need' the seal the deal. When you decided to move in, what made you do that not being engaged? I relented after 5 years as he said he needed to know we could live together but he KNEW us living together NOT engaged was short term, if he liked it we got married, if not he let me find someone who wanted what I did.

It might not be linked but would be interesting to see if it is.
men might just be resting on their laurels?

I also nagged about moving in together too :mad: It made sense considering we were spending every second together anyway, well to me it did anyway :rotfl:but in our case it wouldn't have made any difference, the fact we live together is a miracle some days

I told OH today that I didn't want to get married whilst I was pregnant so that gives in breathing space of 2 years and he said oooo we could save a decent amount of money in that time!!! Told him I still wanted a pretty ring on my finger sometime soon tho. My comments don't work anymore now though, he just laughs or ignores me.

AllyS

Hello to all the new people :beer:

P.s. I forgot to say, when I told my Mum, she said well you guys need to get on with it soon, because I want to go to a wedding. I said to her, Mum we can't afford to marry and she said I will give you a £1,000 please I want to go to a wedding Love my Mum!!

MrsDrink

MrD was of the "we have a joint mortgage isn't that piece of paper enough commitment" brigade. And so was I... when we first moved in together. But damned me - I went and changed my mind - woman's prerogative and all that :rotfl: It's his own stupid fault anyway - he shouldn't have been so supportive of me :rotfl:

Eleanor - I agree with Rdchick - I think if I was so passionate about getting married over and above everything else (that isn't meant to be as judgmental as it sounds... !!) then I would tell him about the April deadline. At least it gives him a fair chance to actually do something about it. Again ((hugs)), I really don't envy your decision. I am so lucky that eventually MrD came round to my way of thinking - and at that time I was still adamant that I didn't want children. I'm slowly melting when it comes to that - but if I was desperate to have children I would so be in your corner - I wouldn't want children out of wedlock, and I wouldn't be prepared to waste my time with someone who wasn't prepared to give me the future I wanted so passionately. x

mazy_m wrote: »

I think the idea that living together can stop the excitement of weddings etc.. as I guess to some of our OHs this is their form of commitment...especially with pets...lol!!

Do you know the one thing that hurt/p***ed me off the most about us not getting married? That OUR pet house rabbit has HIS surname!!

rdchick

MrsDrink wrote: »

Do you know the one thing that hurt/p***ed me off the most about us not getting married? That OUR pet house rabbit has HIS surname!!

Hahahaha there is one good thing about having a Dutch boyfriend... their surnames are miles long so our kitten has MY surname lol! :rotfl:

But I would be well annoyed if Billy could have his surname and I couldn't! xxx

lil_miss_insanity

rdchick wrote: »

Hahahaha there is one good thing about having a Dutch boyfriend... their surnames are miles long so our kitten has MY surname lol! :rotfl:

But I would be well annoyed if Billy could have his surname and I couldn't! xxx

Your pets have surnames? Am I being abusive to my 2 rabbits by not giving them a surname? They are adopted but now I'm worried I may not be accepting them into our family enough without a surname...

MrsDrink

lil_miss_insanity wrote: »

Your pets have surnames? Am I being abusive to my 2 rabbits by not giving them a surname? They are adopted but now I'm worried I may not be accepting them into our family enough without a surname...

:rotfl: yep Bunny* has MrD's surname - he was the one to take him to the vets first so he was registered under BunnyD. He even gets letters to him from the vets "BunnyD 101 Our house, Our Street"... nothing like rubbing salt in it!


* I know, I know "Bunny" isn't very imaginative!! I didn't name my dolls/teddies either as a child - they were just Doll/Teddy - although they were differentiated by size e.g. Big Ted, Little Ted. I named one teddy Mr Gineva after my headteacher, and another (my fave 'teddy') BemBem (named so because it was imprinted on his foot!) :rotfl:

squ1rrel5

Ha ha this is so funny - our cat, even though we got her together has my surname and I've told OH we can change her surname as soon as mine changes.

I always tell people it's MY cat, and when he say's it's OUR cat , I just say 'not until it has your name' - just to annoy him a bit more!!! :rotfl: