Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

MrsDrink

Congratulations Verandi!!

mazy_m

verandi wrote: »

I got the job!!! Oh my gosh ladies, I got it! I can't believe it. I'm shaking so much, finally some good news and something to look forward to!

Yay that's fantastic well done!! bet you're so made up!! xx

eleanor73

74jax wrote: »

No one thinks you are a mug for staying past NY with some one you love. I know when I made the decision to end it my friends could not understand I would a very happy relationship which was brill in every way, JUST because he would not propose. But it was not 'happy' and 'brill in every way' because every so often I was made to feel I was not good enough to marry, then that every so often became every other week.....and so on. For me, I realised I wanted to marry him, and if he did not want to marry me (or anyone) then I loved him so much he deserved to be with someone the same as him, and I desrved to have someone who wanted to marry me.

When I asked him to marry me and he said no, omg I can not describe how that felt, we talked, he was happy how we were blah blah blah..... he said he would not marry me before living together and I said I wanted to be married first. So I took a huge gamble. He moved in with me. I gave it a year, if no proposal I was not giving up another year.

I think you should wait til April, but use these two months to decide if you would wait til Christmas if he said he would know by then, I know people on here are all positive and it WILL happen, and god I hope each and every one of you do get what you want, but every now and again,like me, someone has had enough, someone feels worse with every day that goes by, and thats not fun anymore.

If it had not worked out with me I would have been the bigger mug, giving 1extra year to waiting.

Your oh knows about April, he was the one who said it, I would wait and see. And we are all behind you:A

I know he knows. I also think he knew about New Year but just knew I wouldn't go. I genuinely can't wait longer than April and even that is getting harder by the day. Yesterday when he just shut down I feel like it won't be April as he looked like I was talking about going on a murdering spree or painting the house lime green. He looked petrified at the thought of marrying me and I feel like deep down I know now. I just hope I am wrong.

verandi wrote: »

Oh eleanor I don't know what to say. What exactly were the circumstances when he said April? Was he drunk? Do you think he'll remember that he said it? I can't remember what you said now, was it you that he said that too or a friend of yours? If it was a friend, will he know that the friend has told you?

If he said it when drunk my instinct is that he was just saying it as some arbitrary future date, and probably hasn't even thought about it since. In which case I really agree with jtr...



If you are 100% sure that you can't carry on with the relationship if it doesn't happen in April then I think he needs to know your plans. It's only fair. He might have no idea and if that's the case, you have to give him chance to reflect on the situation and his options and then it's up to him to decide whether or not to rectify it.

I guess there are two ways you could do it. One would be to just bring it up with him, calmly, and just say something like "when you said last year that you would propose to me in April, did you actually mean it? because I really need to know". Or, if he originally said it to a friend of yours and if that friend is a good friend who you can turn to, get them to meet him. They could ask him the same question, make sure that he knows you're aware of what he said, and make him aware that you're thinking of calling it a day if he doesn't follow through on his promise. They could even make out that you don't know about them telling him, that they're just trying to give him a heads up, if that would make it easier.

My friend is a fantastic friend but she wouldn't do it again. The last time she spoke to him it was set up (when he said April) and she hated it because she had to break the bad news and I was soooo devistated and she felt really uncomfortable with him after that. I don't really want her to anyway.
In regards to talking to him - I don't think I have the strength and part of me feels that if he is willing to make me wait after that (a year and a month after he said he wanted to marry me and 11 months after we looked at rings) then he doesn't deserve me and I need to move on even if there is a slim chance he doesn't know the exact month. He knows how badly I have wanted it.

verandi wrote: »

I got the job!!! Oh my gosh ladies, I got it! I can't believe it. I'm shaking so much, finally some good news and something to look forward to!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!:j:j Yay for good news!!!

Thanks for the support everyone. I am very grateful!!

mazy_m

Eleanor73- Hey honey just read through what you were saying.. you need to speak to him it'll be hard but there could be a reason he's still waiting? Does he know it's so important that it could be the end of your relationship? Maybe he doesn't realise realise just how important it is... If when you speak to him he fully understands how important it is and make or break and if he's still umming and ahhing and then you will need to decide once and for all...

Hope you're ok hon Xx

Brighton_belle

What is even more frustrating and sad eleanor, is that once he is actually married all these fears would most likely melt away and I bet he would totally relax and love it so much. All the fears are just that, fears. Took my DH 9 years(:eek:, that's why I comment here -I so understand how some of you feel) but he is so happy now and he could have had this years ago... (not that I do anything but look forward now)

Well done verandi :T- glad for some more good news

eleanor73

rdchick wrote: »

I also think that with my BF he is 30 next year, and he is dreading it... says he doesn't want to get old...

so I am thinking is this why he doesn't want to get engaged? because then it's another thing he's doing that's grown up! But a house is rather grown up... I dunno.. just making excuses... xxx

I actually believe that this is a major reason why my bf doesn't want to get married!!!

I'll see how it goes and see if it comes up. It's a little while til April and I am sure he does know. I think there is a part of him that thinks he may be able to 'get away with it'. But I don't want someone who thinks he can get away with it for a few more months/years. I'm thinking a bit more clearly now and although feeling a bit sad I'm going to think a bit more about it and decide whether to spell it out or just see what happens.

robpw2

did anyone watch the don't tell the brides proposals , i love the one in the station .

Perhaps all you ladies waiting can propse yourselves one its 2012 leap year and two were in the 21st century for gawd sake you want equality so stand up for your selves and go get what you want

eleanor73

mazy_m wrote: »

Eleanor73- Hey honey just read through what you were saying.. you need to speak to him it'll be hard but there could be a reason he's still waiting? Does he know it's so important that it could be the end of your relationship? Maybe he doesn't realise realise just how important it is... If when you speak to him he fully understands how important it is and make or break and if he's still umming and ahhing and then you will need to decide once and for all...

Hope you're ok hon Xx

Thanks. He does know how important it is. I think he would be very shocked if I left but I think he knows I am the sort of person who would if it goes too far. The reason he said April is because it is our 3 year anniversary. Not sure if he was being serious though.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

What is even more frustrating and sad eleanor, is that once he is actually married all these fears would most likely melt away and I bet he would totally relax and love it so much. All the fears are just that, fears. Took my DH 9 years(:eek:, that's why I comment here -I so understand how some of you feel) but he is so happy now and he could have had this years ago... (not that I do anything but look forward now)

He would make the most wonderful husband and father (I know we all prob think that about our partners). He is hardworking, kind and is great with kids. What you say is right which makes it all the more frustrating!! Unfortunately I can't wait 9 years. If I was younger I may but if I waited 9 years I would be 39 and I really want kids. So April it is. Scary!

Brighton_belle

robpw2 wrote: »

did anyone watch the don't tell the brides proposals , i love the one in the station .

Perhaps all you ladies waiting can propse yourselves one its 2012 leap year and two were in the 21st century for gawd sake you want equality so stand up for your selves and go get what you want

Thing is Rob, in most of the cases on here, the men have dug their heels in and said no, I have to propose and I'm not ready yet, and so the women are left hanging. You can't make someone want to marry you.

roseability_2

I've been following this thread for over a year now- I feel a bit lame, as I am actually engaged and getting married in 5 weeks (eek!) but I came across this thread after I got engaged and wish it had been around for my time! I'd been with my OH for just under 7 years when he proposed- we had some very uncomfortable discussions about getting married- he didn't feel ready and I did, was the crux of it- and it infuriated me because we lived together, had 2 cats (ultimate comittment in my eyes hehe) and we had some very painful conversations. Eventually he did propose and it was the happiest day of my life (although now I wish I hadn't brought it up so much beforehand but you can't win!) Anyway I suppose why I'm posting is to say, don't lose heart ladies, I know how tough it is and at times excruciating- but you know your OHs and you know whether he wants to make that commitment- either now or sometime in the future. I knew mine did, which is why I waited (although I like to think that I wouldn't forever- but can't truthfully say) And it's been worth it- although ask me now with 5 weeks to go and I'd say ELOPE! But I just really wanted to say hello, as I often look at this thread but have never posted. I hope you don't mind me stopping by and wish all of you the best, I really do feel your pain!