Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

verandi

AsknAnswer2 wrote: »

Well, I'm another new addition to this thread.

Been with OH for about 5 years. We've talked about it, we've discussed what kind of wedding we'd have (small and intimate) and he's hinted that it will happen, even saying it's not if, it's when. But then he'll say something else entirely such as "If I'm going to get married it will be to you", which isn't really comforting! We don't live together, he hardly ever stays over and I'm getting mightily ticked off! I think I might feel a bit better if he showed at least some level of commitment.

If I raise the subject, he'll sometimes discuss it but sometimes change it. I was all ready to ask him once but before I did and before he knew anything about it, he blurted out that he wasn't ready for marriage. I felt a complete idiot and it's put me off asking again. I don't know how I'd react to be honest, if he said no.

Out of my nieces and newphews one is engaged and two are married with children. He doesn't like social events (he has issues with being in crowds) so doesn't come to the weddings, which is sooo upsetting because I get 'I see you're still not married' as well as 'Why isn't he here'. It was so bad that I didn't even go to one of the weddings as I just couldn't deal with the single jibes or the jokes at my expense. I know they probably don't realise that it hurts as much as it does but crikey if they keep banging on about it and they aren't even in the relationship, surely they must have an inkling that I am sick of waiting too and that their jokes are inappropriate.

I've always been pretty much my own woman so I brush it off to others on the outside, such as coworkers, or - I've gone so far as to say to people that I'm not that bothered about marriage just to shut them up because I'm sick of hearing it. After Birthdays, Valentines, Christmas or holidays together, I get asked by people to show them my hand. I think to some extent, I've even told myseld that I'm just not bothered but it's all front. I am bothered and I want a marriage - with him.

Unfortunately I can see us seperating if it doesn't happen soon. I know how selfish that others might feel that is but I think I've spent enough time being selfless so I'm entitled to be selfish for a change. Aferall, I can only spend so much time analysing our relationship when laying in my bed at night, before it drives me insane.

Phew! I really needed to get that off my chest.

Hi AsknAnswer2 Wow, it sounds like you are really a patient person. Is there any reason in particular that you don't live together yet or he doesn't stay over very often? I don't think I could cope with that after 5 years, it would feel too casual. I can kind of understand him not being ready for marriage yet if he hasn't lived with you first, I know I would feel the same, but maybe that's just me and I know there are plenty of people who won't live with someone until they're at least engaged.

74jax

verandi wrote: »

Hi AsknAnswer2 Wow, it sounds like you are really a patient person. Is there any reason in particular that you don't live together yet or he doesn't stay over very often? I don't think I could cope with that after 5 years, it would feel too casual. I can kind of understand him not being ready for marriage yet if he hasn't lived with you first, I know I would feel the same, but maybe that's just me and I know there are plenty of people who won't live with someone until they're at least engaged.

That was why my oh said no to me when I proposed. We had been going out 6years and I wanted to get engaged and live together. He said no as he wanted to live together first.

squ1rrel5

verandi wrote: »

Oooh Squirrels can we see a link to it? Sounds promising for you getting the one you want the most!

On phone tonight, hopefully can post tomorrow!

AsknAnswer2

verandi wrote: »

Hi AsknAnswer2 Wow, it sounds like you are really a patient person. Is there any reason in particular that you don't live together yet or he doesn't stay over very often? I don't think I could cope with that after 5 years, it would feel too casual. I can kind of understand him not being ready for marriage yet if he hasn't lived with you first, I know I would feel the same, but maybe that's just me and I know there are plenty of people who won't live with someone until they're at least engaged.

There are reasons he doesn't stay over very often, but I don't really want to say what they are because they are very precise and it will give away who I am. OH uses this site but doesn't know that I do! We work in the same building so we meet each other every morning for a coffee, spend our lunch hour together, sometimes knock off early to spend a bit of time together after work, we do see each other every day which I think does help.

Neither of us want to live together before we are married. But I'd settle for it over nothing at all. We are very close, we talk about everything (except marriage when he changes the subject, or says it 'will' happen, 'one' day.). In fact he's pretty much the perfect man and he's very good to the children (my children from a previous living together relationship - I've never been married) - which makes it all the more difficult to swallow and harder to walk away.

I think for him it's the fear of making that step to commitment but as he won't talk about the 'why's' and defrays it with the 'one day', it's very difficult to address it.

squ1rrel5

ok so here is the one that I want.... Seeing as most of you have been looking at more expensive rings I really don't feel as bad and am secretly hoping that he will get this one now!! It makes me smile every time I see a picture of it so imagine how i'm going to feel if it's on my finger...

He is totally teasing me at the moment - for the last few days he's had the website open on one of his tabs and then he keeps leaving his laptop lying about - blatantly with the screen facing in my direction. And then the other night, he turned it away from me, saying 'Oh you can't see what I'm up to tonight!!' ANNOYING!!!!

He then keeps asking me if I want anything nice for Valentines Day as if he wants me to say 'Get me that bloody ring I told you about!!'

I am just not saying anything anymore .... if he wants to do it then he can. If he wants to do it when we're on holiday he can... the ball is in his court now and he knows it!!!!!! :rotfl:

daisiegg

Ok verandi, here it is: ... http://www.laurelleantiquejewellery.co.uk/products/FABULOUS-1.80CT-DIAMOND-HEART-SOLITAIRE-18CT-RING-.html I don't ACTUALLY want that one, as it's too big and I'd look silly as I have tiny hands, but even so...it is soooooo beautiful!

verandi

Gorgeous, ladies!

Squirrels, what site is that from? I love that kind of vintage style with a central diamond surrounded by smaller ones. I think if he is teasing you that much about it but he doesn't do it soon he deserves to be strung up :A

daisie, there's some lovely things on that website. I love love love this one http://www.laurelleantiquejewellery.co.uk/products/ART-DECO-0.80CT-DIAMOND-%26-SAPPHIRE-18CT-RING-C1920-.html although would never want to spend anywhere near that price! I love art deco ones.

daisiegg

Yeah, it's a great website - I really like the 'Mourning Jewellery' section, but maybe I'm a bit morbid! I love vintage/antique jewellery and would secretly really like it if my engagement ring wasn't brand new...I love imagining the history and the love stories that may be behind a piece of jewellery. My parents got me a string of vintage pearls from around 1900 for my 21st, and they are my most prized possession. I like to pretend they belonged to some beautiful debutante and she wore them for her coming out ball!

squ1rrel5

Gorgeous Daisieegg.

Mine is on Ernest Jones... there's a shop near to where we live, wanted to give oh one that was easy to get to!!

I like the fact its modern with a vintage feel. Like daisieegg, I would love an antique one and there's a beautiful antique jeweller near us but prices start about 1.5k and I couldn't do that to OH! He knows its my fav shop but id much rather have the one above if it meant getting it quicker! :rotfl:

Because were saving up for a family too I'd probably be angry if he spent too much!

jtr2803

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

ok so here is the one that I want.... Seeing as most of you have been looking at more expensive rings I really don't feel as bad and am secretly hoping that he will get this one now!! It makes me smile every time I see a picture of it so imagine how i'm going to feel if it's on my finger...

He is totally teasing me at the moment - for the last few days he's had the website open on one of his tabs and then he keeps leaving his laptop lying about - blatantly with the screen facing in my direction. And then the other night, he turned it away from me, saying 'Oh you can't see what I'm up to tonight!!' ANNOYING!!!!

He then keeps asking me if I want anything nice for Valentines Day as if he wants me to say 'Get me that bloody ring I told you about!!'

I am just not saying anything anymore .... if he wants to do it then he can. If he wants to do it when we're on holiday he can... the ball is in his court now and he knows it!!!!!! :rotfl:

That's lovely , very elegant, can totally see why you like it!

daisiegg wrote: »

Ok verandi, here it is: ... http://www.laurelleantiquejewellery.co.uk/products/FABULOUS-1.80CT-DIAMOND-HEART-SOLITAIRE-18CT-RING-.html I don't ACTUALLY want that one, as it's too big and I'd look silly as I have tiny hands, but even so...it is soooooo beautiful!

OMG :eek:, that is an amazing piece of jewellery but then I saw the price, yikes! That's likely to be my entire wedding budget

I have suddenly had an attack of 'he isn't going to do it and what does that mean for our relationship?' brought on by the fact he keeps asking what I want for my birthday....well I have already said not to worry about it as the holiday has cost enough but I mean, come on, is this a serious question even after all the discussions. I seriously feel like those talks could have been in a different life time............

Oh and it dawned on my that I am 30 next month, meh