Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

minerva_windsong

daisiegg wrote: »

Ooooh Malta!!! Is it ok for everyone else on the thread to get our hopes up on your behalf?

If you want to - maybe the collective thread hopes will somehow channel through... At the moment though I'm just hoping for a nice holiday, Lord knows we both need a break!

eleanor73

G51shopaholic wrote: »

My partner and I have been together for over 26yrs. Not married but happy the way we are. He did propose to me after we'd been dating for 6mths. I was 18 and he was 23 at the time but I said NO.

Roll on 26yrs - two kids - again proposal's each time I was pregnant - again answer was NO i didn't want to be a fat pregnant bride.

I've also been fighting Breast Cancer for 4yrs and he said did i want to get married now - I said if i would'nt get married when i was pregnant why would I do it just cause he thought i was dying!!

I also must say that at the mear mention of the word "marriage or weddings" he goes chalk white and I swear he'd be one of these grooms that pass out at the alter!!

The funny thing is I reminded him that's it's a leap year and that if i proposed to him on valentines day, and if he says no, then he has to buy me something......I feel I have to mention at this point I LOVE LEGO!!! So he's bought me the new VW Transporter 1960/70's red van (I also love these as well).

I have spend the last few days building it - I love him to pieces and a little piece of paper won't change that.

We have friends who have been married/divorced/remarried-again divorced so why waste £15,000++++ on one "special" day.

Our nephew & his fiancee - both 24 are trying to find a venue for their wedding but cant get anywhere with a vacant saturday and their not getting married till 2014!!! And when I looked at the brochures the prices near gave me a heart-attack!!!

£60 a head for a meal + £25 for drinks and that's the cheapest menu!!!

Talk about a licence to print money or what

So.... I don't get your point?
There are women on this thread who will pay £1K for a wedding and there are women on this thread who will pay £20K for a wedding. Why does either mean that it is irrelavent or too much or too little? If I want to spend my hard earned money on my wedding and 'feed and water' and buy lovely drinks and food for my fab family and my mates.....why the .... not???!!

eleanor73

minerva_windsong wrote: »

People who do that on Facebook really get my goat. It'd be different if it was something that came up in a face-to-face conversation, but something about putting it on Facebook just feels a bit 'look at me and my fabulous amazing life!'

Not that I'm saying your friend's doing that Eleanor of course, just that it can feel like there's that element to it. I get that people are excited but it just seems like people who were really bothered, ie family and close friends, would be asking about it directly, whereas with Facebook a lot of it's casual acquaintances or people you don't see much of for whatever reason and therefore people telling you it's x amount of time til their wedding or their due date or whatever just feels a bit like, "If I wanted to know I'd ask".

jtr2803 wrote: »

Eleanor I am sorry to hear about your recent problems, I hope that they can be resolved? We had a bit of a rough patch last June (although he probably wouldn't have realised!), I just felt like we were at each others throats and I'd been stressed with exams and was still hurting a bit that he hadn't proposed on holiday and I remember thinking 'is this it? Is this how our relationship is going to be forever?', fortunately it wasn't and we got through it!

I totally agree but the thing is she genuinely isn't like that... (I really hope randomly that she isn't reading this but she had some awful, awful relationships and now she has found her prince. She's just the lovliest gimp that has discovered facebook and loves it. Her facebook statuses don't represent how fantastic she is) I am sooooooooooo chuffed for her and as I said I am not jealous but every time she updates her status with stuff I don't feel jealous but it just reminds me of me, 31, unmarried and my fertility is pretty much off in a few years!....

jtr: I'm relieved to read that and thanks for sharing. It's good to hear that other people have bad months too-not that I would wish it on anyone... sometimes it feels like there are lots of fab relationships on here with fab men who all have an engagement ring in their pocket and it'll pop out any minute and mine falls short and isn't a brilliant relationship at the moment...or maybe I'm a bit paranoid about it.

squ1rrel5

eleanor73 wrote: »

jtr: I'm relieved to read that and thanks for sharing. It's good to hear that other people have bad months too-not that I would wish it on anyone... sometimes it feels like there are lots of fab relationships on here with fab men who all have an engagement ring in their pocket and it'll pop out any minute and mine falls short and isn't a brilliant relationship at the moment...or maybe I'm a bit paranoid about it.

Think we all go through bad times with our OH's but often dont share it - I just know that whenever OH and I have bad times it can always be worked through which makes me know that he is the ONE!!

I went out with my friend the other night and she was pouring her heart out to me about the fact that her bf has not proposed yet after 5 years together... she really thought he would do it at Christmas as there seemed to be loads of hints but he didnt and now she's obsessed with it and thinking about it every day!! She's the same age as me, and really wants kids and its just really playing on her mind. To be honest it was so refreshing to be able to speak to someone in real life who has the same thoughts as I know that most of my other friends wouldnt understand! She said she coudnt talk to anyone else and thought of me straight away when she knew she HAD to talk to someone!!
I ALMOST told her about this forum but then I quite like the fact that I can post here anonymously so had to refrain from blurting out 'ITS OK, WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES!!!!!' :rotfl:

eleanor73

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Think we all go through bad times with our OH's but often dont share it - I just know that whenever OH and I have bad times it can always be worked through which makes me know that he is the ONE!!

I went out with my friend the other night and she was pouring her heart out to me about the fact that her bf has not proposed yet after 5 years together... she really thought he would do it at Christmas as there seemed to be loads of hints but he didnt and now she's obsessed with it and thinking about it every day!! She's the same age as me, and really wants kids and its just really playing on her mind. To be honest it was so refreshing to be able to speak to someone in real life who has the same thoughts as I know that most of my other friends wouldnt understand! She said she coudnt talk to anyone else and thought of me straight away when she knew she HAD to talk to someone!!
I ALMOST told her about this forum but then I quite like the fact that I can post here anonymously so had to refrain from blurting out 'ITS OK, WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES!!!!!' :rotfl:

Yes I think you are right-everyone has tough times. I think I just admire some people being on here who know 100% that they will stay with their partner even if he doesn't propose where I just can't say that and it makes me worry that maybe I don't love him as much as others love their bf. But I think I do it's just a dealbreaker for me.

You are dead lucky to have a friend in the same boat-I don't. I know my mates have some really tough times in relationships but they are either in early stages or married with kids. My friends all know how I feel though and I can talk to them about it. It's no secret I'm afraid!!:o

74jax

eleanor73 wrote: »

Yes I think you are right-everyone has tough times. I think I just admire some people being on here who know 100% that they will stay with their partner even if he doesn't propose where I just can't say that and it makes me worry that maybe I don't love him as much as others love their bf. But I think I do it's just a dealbreaker for me.

/QUOTE]

You are not alone. It was a dealbreaker for me too. I posted on here, right at the start somewhere, about how I asked him to marry me and he said no, so 'in my mind' I gave the relationship a year from that point to move forward and become engaged.

I 100% know I would have walked away as I wanted more. It is NOT about loving your bf less than others on here, it is about you both not wanting the same things for the future.

AllyS

eleanor73 wrote: »

Yes I think you are right-everyone has tough times. I think I just admire some people being on here who know 100% that they will stay with their partner even if he doesn't propose where I just can't say that and it makes me worry that maybe I don't love him as much as others love their bf. But I think I do it's just a dealbreaker for me.

You are dead lucky to have a friend in the same boat-I don't. I know my mates have some really tough times in relationships but they are either in early stages or married with kids. My friends all know how I feel though and I can talk to them about it. It's no secret I'm afraid!!:o

Please don't feel that way Eleanor. It is slightly different I have been married and have had a chance to experience it (reason why I want to do it again I loved being married and I know it will be even better with OH) if I was my age, 34 and i had never been married I don't think it would matter how much I loved him, how much he was the right guy for me if he was saying what he says to me now in that situation I would have deadline too. All I ever wanted to be was married and have kids, meant the world to me, still does. You don't love your man any less than I love mine, just I can, if I 'have' to, can most days just about live with the fact of not getting married again.

It does hurt tho, today was awful, cried lots today. Didn't help with a man proposing to his GF on Saturday kitchen this morn! Great way to start the day!

Squirrel - you are so lucky to have someone in real life to talk to, kind of jealous :rotfl:

eleanor73

You guys are dead nice-I'm so glad I found this thread!! :beer:

squ1rrel5

AllyS wrote: »

Please don't feel that way Eleanor. It is slightly different I have been married and have had a chance to experience it (reason why I want to do it again I loved being married and I know it will be even better with OH) if I was my age, 34 and i had never been married I don't think it would matter how much I loved him, how much he was the right guy for me if he was saying what he says to me now in that situation I would have deadline too. All I ever wanted to be was married and have kids, meant the world to me, still does. You don't love your man any less than I love mine, just I can, if I 'have' to, can most days just about live with the fact of not getting married again.

It does hurt tho, today was awful, cried lots today. Didn't help with a man proposing to his GF on Saturday kitchen this morn! Great way to start the day!

Squirrel - you are so lucky to have someone in real life to talk to, kind of jealous :rotfl:

Same here, because i have been there before I suppose I could accept not doing it again but I dont want to think about that!

Eleanor, I really hope that things work out for you and you never actually have to make that difficult decision! I hate how men make life hard sometimes!!! X

faith2009uk

Hi everyone, I came across this forum recently and have only just plucked up the courage to post. You all sound so lovely though!

I was with an amazing man for 6 years (growing up really together) and as we were young when we got together, I never felt the need to be engaged at first. As the years went on we both started thinking about it and finally I had enough of waiting after 6 years and got upset and asked him why he hadn't proposed. Turned out he bought the ring that day and was planning it for the weekend. I was on cloud nine, however tragically he passed away in an accident the next day shortly after my 24th birthday.

It has been the hardest thing I went through and I never thought I would meet anyone again. However in time I met my oh and fell in love again. This is the problem...at 24 I really felt ready to get married and have children. I've been with my oh 2 years now and although he wants to get married (one day) I feel like a horrible person as I'm there already. I feel like my plans have been changed by no fault of my own and this upsets me. I wish we had 5 or 6 yrs to be together before getting married but I feel like times running out...I know I want to be with him forever and so can't see the harm in making the next step.

Really sorry or the long post...I just think life's too short. If we are happy and know we want to be together why not?