Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

74jax

smcqis wrote: »

Its quite simple, if he hasnt asked you then he doesnt want to get married...at this stage anyway. Realise men are not like women in relation to marriage wants!

That is the point in this thread? Everyone DOES realise this? The thread is called Waiting for a Proposal - How do You Stay Sane?

Everyone on here waiting has had their bloke say what you said ie they don't want to get married YET, the thread is about how to stay sane whilst waiting? Which your reply doesn't answer at all.

74jax

jtr2803 wrote: »

I know she would be mortified if she felt like she had upset me but she asked me why it was so important and why it made a difference and I felt like I couldn't really explain why.

I know the feeling, someone on this thread asked the same question and my answer #63 TRIED to explain it but I couldn't.

I think it's a very difficult thing to explain.

White_Sapphire

74jax wrote: »

That is the point in this thread? Everyone DOES realise this? The thread is called Waiting for a Proposal - How do You Stay Sane?

Everyone on here waiting has had their bloke say what you said ie they don't want to get married YET, the thread is about how to stay sane whilst waiting? Which your reply doesn't answer at all.

Ignore him hun - he's a persistent troll on this board. Bit pathetic that he feels the need to hang around the wedding board when he is is not planning a wedding (or hoping to be anytime soon), but maybe he feels that he is 'helping' us by imparting little nuggets of 'wisdom'... :rotfl:

trying_2_b_good

smcqis wrote: »

Its quite simple, if he hasnt asked you then he doesnt want to get married...at this stage anyway. Realise men are not like women in relation to marriage wants!

Untrue.

My husband had the ring and was ready for 6 months before he asked because he wanted it to be perfect and we had a series of unfortunate events that got in the way (not related to our relationship before you start).

Go troll some other forum.

rachie_2011

I've been with my OH for 7 years this month, and went through the whole 'when's it going to happen', but to be honest... I've gone off the idea myself now. Other things have come along and it doesn't seem so important at this moment in my life. However, OH did inform me (drunkly) in the early hours of new years day, that if I should ask him (with it being a leap year this year) he'd say yes! ha Erm... no, if you want to marry you can ask me mate!!

I'm sure the urge to want to be Mrs S will come back at some time, but for now we are enjoying life.

LEJC

smcqis wrote: »

Its quite simple, if he hasnt asked you then he doesnt want to get married...at this stage anyway. Realise men are not like women in relation to marriage wants!

OK ..so I'm not in anyway agreeing with this...but in fairness its a forum for free speech and yes hes given his view from his perspective..ie the male one...which is a viewpoint I respect and acknowledge...

However where this poster differs from our other regular male posters is that this one pops up randomly and gives a male perspective but doesn't then interact with the other posters to clarify things or make further suggestions on remarks...therefore thats why I tend not to take too much notice of the content of his remarks...at least if I dissagree with our other regular poster I will say and it usually generates healthy debate....which at least hopefully does generate an understanding from both the male and female perspective.

So therefore I have to agree that potentially this one is a persistant troll!

White_Sapphire

LEJC wrote: »

OK ..so I'm not in anyway agreeing with this...but in fairness its a forum for free speech and yes hes given his view from his perspective..ie the male one...which is a viewpoint I respect and acknowledge...

However where this poster differs from our other regular male posters is that this one pops up randomly and gives a male perspective but doesn't then interact with the other posters to clarify things or make further suggestions on remarks...therefore thats why I tend not to take too much notice of the content of his remarks...at least if I dissagree with our other regular poster I will say and it usually generates healthy debate....which at least hopefully does generate an understanding from both the male and female perspective.

So therefore I have to agree that potentially this one is a persistant troll!

Well said. He is definitely a troll; I remember when a Mother of the Bride posted pictures of the cake she had baked, and he responded with something like 'I think it's tacky and looks really rough'. Which was lovely of him, don't you think? He's not in any way constructive or respectful in his posts.

LEJC

Hes the jack of one liners and the master of none...but enough time devoted to him....

Anyway...I dont really have much input on this thread...but I do read it...so congrats to all those who have achieved their proposal...or at least been able to discuss their feelings with their other halfs....and hang in there all those who are still waiting!

minerva_windsong

I finally saw the friends I thought might get engaged over Christmas last night and as far as I could tell they hadn't (ie there was no ring and they didn't mention it). So in a slightly ridiculous way that feels a bit like the pressure has been taken off as now I'm not getting to a 'why isn't it us?' feeling, as they are in a fairly similar situation to us money-wise - I know I've said before that my OH has said our job and housing situation has no influence on whether we get married but still - and also haven't been together as long as we have. So I'm hoping that I'll be able to enjoy the next few weeks and not have the worry about feeling left behind, even though I know it's not a race...

jtr2803 wrote: »

I met my best friend last night for dinner and was talking to her about what had been going on and she made me feel like I was ungrateful, that I should be happy just that we were together and that I had someone who loved me. I know she would be mortified if she felt like she had upset me but she asked me why it was so important and why it made a difference and I felt like I couldn't really explain why.

I have a friend who's been a bit like that in the past. Granted she's not in a relationship herself and has had a few problems of her own, so I don't know if that's part of it, but it's still not very nice to hear something that's a big deal to you being rubbished.

Sometimes it can feel a bit difficult to articulate why you want to get married - I know I've struggled with that before, especially due to my age because a lot of people don't understand why I would want to get married at what is now considered quite a young age. The reason I normally give is because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with my OH and I want us to make that commitment to each other by getting married, which sounds cliched but it's genuinely how I feel - I don't necessarily care about other people seeing that commitment, although I'd like to celebrate it with my family, but just knowing we'd promised to spend the rest of our lives together.

Brighton_belle

jtr2803 wrote: »

I feel a bit glum today which sucks because I felt like I was doing ok.

I met my best friend last night for dinner and was talking to her about what had been going on and she made me feel like I was ungrateful, that I should be happy just that we were together and that I had someone who loved me. I know she would be mortified if she felt like she had upset me but she asked me why it was so important and why it made a difference and I felt like I couldn't really explain why.

It's horrible when the bad days sneaks up and bite you:(. It is very hard to explain...and i wonder if your friends is single/partnered/married.
I can only answer for myself and why I said I wanted marriage when faced with similar comments,rather than livng together.For me, the positive connotations of marriage were hardwired in to my dna so it is always something I wanted once I met my OH, I couldn't just 'not feel like that' any more than I could become someone else. It's about being valued and cherished enough by each other to make that public statement. It's about the protections of being next of kin rather than his mum and dad. It's about the firm foundations of a declared shared future and knowing for sure he wants it and is committed to that too rather than having to avoid the topic like sinking sand.
It's about being able to call him my husband rather than boyfriend and finding the word 'partner' (for us not for others) completely meaningless.
The extra layer of trust and love the committment of marriage has now brought to an already good relationship has proved I was right to desire marriage, dispite facing some similar comments jtr. And yes, like you, I was grateful for what we already had but we shouldn't need to apologise for wanting what the human race has been doing for aeons - the need to make a formal committment to our relationship in front of witnsses and the laws of the day.
The reasons for wanting marriage for me were all rather intangible and yet as solid as concrete at the same time.