Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jtr2803

Thanks Ally

I feel OK about it now, I think I really 'need' him to do what he said he will so I am prepared to do the wait, he has three months which is fine as all my funds are tied up for a while so I don't have the cash available to pay deposits and such like just yet. I have lots coming up to keep me occupied until then too - I need to get to grips with my new camera, test out my new dive gear, buy another camera and learn to use that too, then I have the photography course, exam results, more courses and then holiday :eek::rotfl:. Zumba starts again next week which I am really looking forward to as well.

I have a rough idea of budget as I did get a brochure from the venue I have in mind and it was very reasonable. I have no doubt that some of it will come from my bonus which I get in December but relates to our financial year Nov to Oct so by April I will have a good idea of how much (or little) it might be. I think I am just finding it hard not to get carried away.

Must.........................be.....................patient :rotfl:

jtr2803

Thanks very much MrsD, I really appreciate your story.

I would be happy without the whole proposal but it seems to be something he wants to do so I am trying to be upbeat and think that he does want to do it properly. I guess where I have wanted it for so long I am putting all the fears I have always had into the current situation and maybe making 2+2=5, you know what I mean.

When we talked about it OH did say that next year was ok as it gave him time to get his head around it, I know being an anxious person the whole thing will be a big deal for him and I am sure he needs a while to take it all in and figure things out. That's why I think giving him till April is a decent amount of time, that's not to say I haven't started researching of course . Like you say, the time will come when I just need to know it is going to happen so it's just a case of trying to give him the time.

MrsDrink

jtr2803 wrote: »

You know what I mean.

In everything you say! x Since you wrote that first post so much of what you've written could have been written by me!!
Just hang in there x

squ1rrel5

Lol this thread name should be changed to "waiting for a marriage...." that's my whole mentality exactly!

Yes it would be lovely to get one out of the blue and I do actually think that he would like to be the one to ask (hes never been married before so probably a much bigger thing to him than it is to me).

But I dont think he ever actually thinks about it - I'm sure he knows that he wants to marry me and he probably has had a couple of moment when hes thought 'yes i'll marry Squirrels one day... but thats probably about as far as it has ever gone.
Hes not anguishing every day about what to say or where to say it and all the planning afterwards... I think thats what annoys me more! I think about marriage EVERY day and look forward to being a proper family... he just thinks about food, sex, work, cars, tv and stuff like that and then one day he'll just decide to ask and then I'll say yes and he'll have totally avoided all those years of waiting like us!!!!!!
Its so easy being a man!!! :rotfl:

I do love this thread - thanks everyone for writing all your honest posts - its nice to know that we can all be quite open with each other on here without being judged - and its so interesting to hear other peoples stories about their relationships! God, I'm soooo nosy!!!! :rotfl:

AllyS

jtr2803 wrote: »

Thanks Ally

I feel OK about it now, I think I really 'need' him to do what he said he will so I am prepared to do the wait, he has three months which is fine as all my funds are tied up for a while so I don't have the cash available to pay deposits and such like just yet. I have lots coming up to keep me occupied until then too - I need to get to grips with my new camera, test out my new dive gear, buy another camera and learn to use that too, then I have the photography course, exam results, more courses and then holiday :eek::rotfl:. Zumba starts again next week which I am really looking forward to as well.

I have a rough idea of budget as I did get a brochure from the venue I have in mind and it was very reasonable. I have no doubt that some of it will come from my bonus which I get in December but relates to our financial year Nov to Oct so by April I will have a good idea of how much (or little) it might be. I think I am just finding it hard not to get carried away.

Must.........................be.....................patient :rotfl:

Love that you are feeling much more positive now and have a plan Know what you mean about being more patient - patience is not my strong point and I think this is the main issue here for me!

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Lol this thread name should be changed to "waiting for a marriage...." that's my whole mentality exactly!

Yes it would be lovely to get one out of the blue and I do actually think that he would like to be the one to ask (hes never been married before so probably a much bigger thing to him than it is to me).

But I dont think he ever actually thinks about it - I'm sure he knows that he wants to marry me and he probably has had a couple of moment when hes thought 'yes i'll marry Squirrels one day... but thats probably about as far as it has ever gone.
Hes not anguishing every day about what to say or where to say it and all the planning afterwards... I think thats what annoys me more! I think about marriage EVERY day and look forward to being a proper family... he just thinks about food, sex, work, cars, tv and stuff like that and then one day he'll just decide to ask and then I'll say yes and he'll have totally avoided all those years of waiting like us!!!!!!
Its so easy being a man!!! :rotfl:

I do love this thread - thanks everyone for writing all your honest posts - its nice to know that we can all be quite open with each other on here without being judged - and its so interesting to hear other peoples stories about their relationships! God, I'm soooo nosy!!!! :rotfl:

I love the fact that we can all be honest too, I would never say any of the stuff I say on here to anyone else apart from you guys. Would be too scared about being judged. Yay for all of us :T :rotfl:

eleanor73

It's so nice seeing people in the same situation. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and he knows how I feel - I want to get married and have kids. I have always been quite successful in what I do but my main ambition in life is to be a Mum. Now he only moved out of his Mum's at 29 (we are both 31) and he is still very young in his ways. He loves me and I adore him-that is obvious to both of us and everyone else who knows us. March 2011 we had 'the talk'. I made him sit down and he thought he as getting dumped! I said that I love him but I want to get married and have children and if he doesn't see that happening in the near future (or at least starting to happen) I will have to leave and find someone who does want that. His words were that he doesn't have marriage and kids at the top of his list of things to do but that's not because he doesn't want it but because he hadn't thought about it lots. He said that he would get married ten times and have ten children to guarantee that I am here when he gets home every day and that I am the most important thing in his life and if that's what I want then that is what will happen. I felt quite positive. In April/May 2011 he asked what rings I liked and we had a funny, petty row about how much one should spend on a ring. It all felt quite positive and I gave myself a little hopeful deadline that I would be engaged by new yr. Well I'm not and we don't talk about getting married and it all just feels so far away again. He told my friend whilst drunk that he will propose in April 2012. Now I suppose that is positive but why is he waiting? & why did he let me look at rings a whole year before he was planning it!? The whole world and his wife (!) is having kids or getting married and I am so frustrated. I think the whole reason I am on MSE so much and am squirrelling away money is so I feel like I have a level of control relating to it (if he proposes I have money for the wedding if he doesn't then I can b#gger off and travel and treat myself!)
I saw this thread a couple of weeks before xmas but was a bit scared to post in case o0f home truths etc! Chick I feel for you so much. I think the prev OP is right when they said that really it is up to you whether you are willing to wait for him (when he may not come up trumps) or if it's time to move on? I don't know what I would do but have a feeling I may be in the same situation soon.:(

Brighton_belle

AllyS wrote: »

Realistically you still have another 6 or 7 years to have a baby, but you do have a lot longer to get married.

Sadly, this just isn't so. At 35/6 the quality of womens remaining eggs can (and generally do) start to deteriorate. And if you want more than one child..well I have two friends who are struggling to fall for their second at 40 and one who had to have IVF at 38 for her 1st (so started trying at 36).

Chick, I feel for you, as time/age is a huge factor here and your OH doesn't seem to realise:(. Having debts is an excuse to put off a big wedding but not marriage: it need only cost a few hundred and £2k will get you a nice little do.

jtr - I think that sounds a good compromise - you'll wait til April. Otherwise it is really cruel to keep you hanging on: it's just a differnt type of limbo.

jtr2803

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Lol this thread name should be changed to "waiting for a marriage...." that's my whole mentality exactly!

Consider it done Ps - it won't let me change the actual thread name, just the first post title but I did try!

Brighton_belle wrote: »

jtr - I think that sounds a good compromise - you'll wait til April. Otherwise it is really cruel to keep you hanging on: it's just a differnt type of limbo.

Yup exactly! I thought about posting on the Bridezilla confessions thread but I think it's more appropriate to post it here...

I can hang on for the proposal to book the venue and blah blah blah, but I desperately want to book my honeymoon!! :rotfl: That's the whole reason for suggesting we get married next March. Oh, and then I want to book my second honeymoon, yes I have no shame .

Ps - that's Maldives March 2013 for 10 days and Egypt June for a week.....

Will need to keep myself occupied after the big day won't i?

MrsDrink

Ha that is one of the main reasons I want to get married - lol so we can have a diving honeymoon No shame in that as far as I see!!

jtr2803

I showed OH all my dive kit yesterday and he did well and showed some interest!

I am so, so, so having withdrawal symptoms from being on the reef . I posted yesterday on facebook that 10 months is the MAXIMUM amount of time I can cope with not diving or at least snorkeling. It's hard to explain to those who don't dive but it's like my little quiet place where you just don't matter. You are weightless and it's so peaceful and colourful, little fish watch you swim by and on my last dive last year I had a huge Manta swim right over my head, I just don't have the words to describe how beautiful it all is.

I'm now on countdown to Kenya and I think we arrive at the hotel in time for lunch so I'll be grabbing something to eat and then heading to the dive centre to book a dive for the next day :rotfl: