Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

AllyS

jtr2803 wrote: »

I am sooooo annoyed this morning!

There is a lady who posted in the Marriages and Families board who is in a similar situation to some of us and I mentioned this thread as I though she might get some comfort from knowing she wasn't the only one but other posters have decided we are all bizarre/weak willed and quite obviously sad. :mad:

I am amazed at how judgemental people can be!

Awww dont worry about it JTR You did a nice thing. I am not going to look cause I can't face arguing with people who have absolutely no idea. It will blow over soon

Chick wrote: »

Hee hee, are there lots of "smug marrieds"
over there?! I love that expression, from Bridget Jones...:j

I was married once upon a time I know how easily that can all be lost, people really shouldn't judge

wanchai_2

nickki44 wrote: »

Us too - We contemplated at one point going abroad to do it and having a do when we get home - as it would have been cheaper!! nicer honeymoon location and guaranteed weather, but we both wanted our friends and family there at the wedding, nt just a party, so we sacrificed the dream honeymoon and plumped for the day to remember. Absolutely the right decision for us, and luckily, we both wanted the same thing so nobody had to compromise , phew....

And yes - that dress was horrendous (nearly spat my tea out when she said "you can see my pubes"!), but for him to make his sister leave her 2 kids at home to attend the wedding - that would have spoilt my day,

Thanks - it's nice to have the benefit of your hindsight! I think that we've made the right decision - even at the risk of rain or whatever we want our nearest and dearest there, and some might not have been able to come to an overseas wedding, for financial or health reasons x

teabythesea

How awfully rude of you to try and judge my relationship by it's length. No, I haven't 'waited' because marriage is what me and my partner of three years both want (FYI my partner is slightly older than me). He proposed of his own back with no hints. Just because I am young it doesn't not mean I have no life experiences, for you do not know the life path I have walked and I certainly won't try and justify myself to you. I did write more but I'm not really bothered.

BugglyB

teabythesea wrote: »

How awfully rude of you to try and judge my relationship by it's length. No, I haven't 'waited' because marriage is what me and my partner of three years both want (FYI my partner is slightly older than me). He proposed of his own back with no hints. Just because I am young it doesn't not mean I have no life experiences, for you do not know the life path I have walked and I certainly won't try and justify myself to you. I did write more but I'm not really bothered.

You were the one calling other people bizarre, to be fair.

teabythesea

I have read back my post and I should of said, it's not the people themselves that are bizarre. It's just I thought this was a wedding thread for wedding planning and advice etc. Not for people who are wanting to one day be engaged.

spoonymoose

Brighton_belle wrote: »

The clue is in the bits in bold: you were propsed to on your 21st birthday so you can't have been together very long, (I'd like to comment on this point, especially as what time scale can be said to be a long time? By the time I was 21, the OH and I had been together for just under 5 years, yet some people who get engaged (and are older) have been together for a shorter period of time, so please, don't presume anything, we're all individuals and we all do things differently, and that is right for us ) so you didn't ever get to the point where you were 'waiting'.
Imagine being together for another ,say, 8 yrs with no proposal forth coming.. (I was with my other half for just over 7 and a half years before he proposed, I was 23 and a half by then and I'd thought about what it would be like to be married, what the wedding may have been like and what the ring he would have chosen would've been like, I didn't think about how he might propose due to the fact that if you try and guess him, he does something completely different!) I think by then you might have occasionally had a little tinsy insy fantasy as to what/where a proposal might be, even if in reality, like most on here, you didn't actually care how or where it was done.

Just thought I'd add some info from me... (in blue.)

Brighton_belle

teabythesea wrote: »

How awfully rude of you to try and judge my relationship by it's length. No, I haven't 'waited' because marriage is what me and my partner of three years both want (FYI my partner is slightly older than me). He proposed of his own back with no hints. Just because I am young it doesn't not mean I have no life experiences, for you do not know the life path I have walked and I certainly won't try and justify myself to you. I did write more but I'm not really bothered.

Well I genuinely did not mean to cause offense or upset you, but I wasn't judging your relationship by its length at all, after all my parents married young and have just celebrated 60 yrs of marriage: it is wonderful that you are both making the commitment of marriage. But you haven't experienced years and years of 'waiting' because you physically haven't been alive long enough, so it seemed a bit unfair to call others 'bizarre': such a comment
might be quite painful for some to take from someone lucky enough to meet their life partner young and a young man keen on the committment of marriage, so in fairness, I was defending those who are finding it tough.
And I do stand by the fact that at 21, you won't have known the heartache of singleness/ feeling that cherished through 20's and 30's. You just can't have done. And I am jolly pleased for you that you haven't.
I totally accept you may have endured much ther suffering and difficult situations, but not singleness or a long wait for someone cherishing you enough to marry you.
I bet you have a wonderful wedding and a long and happy marriage:T.

Brighton_belle

spoonymoose wrote: »

Just thought I'd add some info from me... (in blue.)

Well, I don't think that length of time 15yrs - 22 compares to 8 yrs of 2 adults in their 30's in terms of 'waiting time' as teenage years are a time of great personal growth and change.
That doesn't devalue your experience or relationship what so ever, nor is it a criticism. It is wonderful you met young and have got married:T
It was purely a defense for those being called 'bizarre'. The OP didn't think how hurtful she might be being to others. I wasn't being presumptious, I was commenting on adult relationships, and 3 years of adult hood isn't long compared to the much longer times older women on this thread have waited. It wasn't a criticism of 'only 3 yrs', that is quite sufficient time to know someone well enough to marry them.
I think the OP feels I patronised her (which I kinda did) and that made her angry but hasn't realised that it was she that was patronising older women by calling them bizarre, when she hasn't lived their experience.
PS I couldn't agree more we are all different, that was my whole point.

spoonymoose

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Well, I don't think that length of time 15yrs - 22 compares (16-24) to 8 yrs of 2 adults in their 30's in terms of 'waiting time' as teenage years are a time of great personal growth and change.
That doesn't devalue your experience or relationship what so ever, nor is it a criticism. It is wonderful you met young and have got married:T (not quite married yet, I will be 25.)
It was purely a defense for those being called 'bizarre'. (And I understand that this comment is not acceptable and as you commented back on that, I commented back on your post BUT did not in any way what to sound like I was wanting to start an argument, I just wanted to add my experience) The OP didn't think how hurtful she might be being to others. I wasn't being presumptious, I was commenting on adult relationships, and 3 years of adult hood isn't long compared to the much longer times older women on this thread have waited. It wasn't a criticism of 'only 3 yrs', that is quite sufficient time to know someone well enough to marry them. (My best friend is in her 30s so I understand what women in their thirties are feeling, she is scared of the prospect of leaving things too late and would love to think that in the next year or so she would get married and have children, I think it's a sort of clock that starts and won't stop.)
I think the OP feels I patronised her (which I kinda did) and that made her angry but hasn't realised that it was she that was patronising older women by calling them bizarre.

I did actually post on here in the early days - relieving the need to be married, and I think it comes from every woman knowing that they are ready for the next step regardless of age. Unfortunately I do blame Hollywood movies for the lack of proposals from men - they feel it has to be such a huge deal that they get scared and end up putting it off. I think they often forget that unlike them, we have a ticking biological clock whereas they always think "there's always tomorrow."

Brighton_belle

spoonymoose wrote: »

Unfortunately I do blame Hollywood movies for the lack of proposals from men - they feel it has to be such a huge deal that they get scared and end up putting it off. I think they often forget that unlike them, we have a ticking biological clock whereas they always think "there's always tomorrow."

I didn't see you as argueing OP,just raising points. I'm actually very nice and not an arguementative sort either:D .
This is an interesting point re Hollywood. I think it is also in part due to changed societal pressures. Men don't 'have to get married' anymore to get fed and watered:D. I mean, many do still choose marriage, some quicker than others, but there isn't the urgency.