Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

minerva_windsong

A New York wedding would be awesome - a work colleague of mine got married there last month and apparently they had a great time.

How long's your holiday for? As having Googled it seems that you have to wait 24 hours after you get a marriage license before you can actually get married in New York state, so if you're only there for a few days then it might need to be something that's done relatively quickly. I like the idea of leaving around an article or something though!

No news from me I'm afraid other than being really narky with my OH's brother-in-law, who has once again been dropping hints that my OH is going to propose imminently. OH basically said, "Don't get your hopes up" and after the last time when it was his comment that convinced me he was going to propose I'm now just a bit grumpy with him because I don't want to feel like it'll ruin our first Christmas together if I don't get a ring It feels a bit sad to be thinking 'I don't care' but I kind of feel like taking that attitude is the only way I'm going to protect myself from all the comments over the festive period.

jtr2803

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Yes I have considered that, but I think he knows (well I hope he does) that the location of the proposal does not matter to me in the slightest - only that it happens, lol
Id much rather the wedding be there as this is the bit that actually means something to me but that means I need to say something before we actually go!!
If he proposed in NYC I tyhink Id actually be more annoyed that hed made a bigger deal out of that than the actual wedding itself (which, whatever we do, will be a rather 'low budget' affair, I know NYC isnt low budget but as it will just be the two of us, we can justify it as just a cost of a holiday, albeit a bit of an expensive one, but thats allowed if its your wedding day too!!!!). :rotfl:

I'll work something out - when I'm off over Christmas, I'll hunt out some articles about new york weddings and leave them lying round or just 'casually spot' something on a travel website!!! :cool:

My ideal is answer is....


Just be honest about it! Tell him it's the place you envisioned getting hitched because it would be so easy and so special. We all know men are not good at taking hints and I hate to think it could be a missed opportunity . NYC was high on my list too, especially if OH agreed to go abroad!

Having said the above, I know I probably wouldn't be able to be so honest about it for fear of being told No so I would probably just hint outrageously. I just can't help but think that because it's a once in a lifetime trip that you have to make it pretty clear.

dragoneye454 wrote: »

Hi All,

I've been watching this thread for a little while and I just wanted to thank you.
Our relationship has always been about logic and not following the standard rules that people seem to expect.
So after your posts one night and the stress that you put yourself through, I decided it wasn't for me so I popped the question myself. No massive planning to do it, no set up. A really relaxed conversation on the sofa and I just asked. I know it sounds boring and an anticlimax but I love this person and feel ready so rather than the massive hints I just came out and said it. And he said yes. Woo hoo!!!
My one condition was that it wasn't official until he had spoken to my dad first and that it was before xmas day as I would hate people to think it was just an xmas proposal thing as it is something so much more serious.
Anyway, I wish you all the best of luck, but also wanted to say that if you want something enough, it's sometimes up to you to reach out and grab it.

That doesn't sound boring at all! Well done you for grabbing the bull by the horns and doing it yourself :beer:. It makes me feel rather silly for letting myself get so worked up and for letting it go on so long. Keep us updated with how your plans are going

StarSquishy wrote: »

Just wanted to drop by and say reading through all your thoughts and frustrations makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm not crazy either as you are all having the same thoughts in your relationships. Hopefully this Xmas and New Year will bring you all some lovely news.
For me.... I'm expecting nothing But thats because I'm slowly coming round to thinking that circumstances mean it isn't the right time anyway.
I can still dream at times though .............................

If you are crazy then it means the rest of us must be well and truly bonkers :rotfl:. When I mention this thread to people I know how have either already got married or who are engaged they can all identify! It's VERY rare to find a woman who has had a completely out of the blue proposal, most admit that they were hinting before it happened!

OH and I have been together three and a half years today and this will be our fourth Christmas together, I can't believe how quickly it has gone :eek:.

jtr2803

minerva_windsong wrote: »

No news from me I'm afraid other than being really narky with my OH's brother-in-law, who has once again been dropping hints that my OH is going to propose imminently. OH basically said, "Don't get your hopes up" and after the last time when it was his comment that convinced me he was going to propose I'm now just a bit grumpy with him because I don't want to feel like it'll ruin our first Christmas together if I don't get a ring It feels a bit sad to be thinking 'I don't care' but I kind of feel like taking that attitude is the only way I'm going to protect myself from all the comments over the festive period.

I'm trying to get myself into that line of thinking too, especially after the fiasco and tears in my house on Christmas Day last year. I hate forcing myself to have that attitude because it really isn't how I feel and I hate having to put on an 'act'. I used to love Christmas but now I dread it, I am already considering de-activating my facebook for a few weeks so I don't have to put up with all the announcements and do the whole 'congratulations' thing. I know that sounds horrid and it's just jealousy but I admit it! My absolute worst fear is that one of OH's friends will propose to their girlfriends.

p00pieb0tt0m

jtr2803 wrote: »

I'm trying to get myself into that line of thinking too, especially after the fiasco and tears in my house on Christmas Day last year. I hate forcing myself to have that attitude because it really isn't how I feel and I hate having to put on an 'act'. I used to love Christmas but now I dread it, I am already considering de-activating my facebook for a few weeks so I don't have to put up with all the announcements and do the whole 'congratulations' thing. I know that sounds horrid and it's just jealousy but I admit it! My absolute worst fear is that one of OH's friends will propose to their girlfriends.

I definitely identify with this, all my friends (school and after) and all my OH's friends who are in relationships, i.e. not married, have all been seeing their OH's for alot shorter time than we've been together. I will try now not to let any engagement get to me, but I have previously been very down after Xmas, new year and valentines. It previously has affected me for too long, and in turn affects our relationship.

Rereading this, I'm not convinced it won't affect me again, I try to stay positive but I do find it difficult.

Olokia

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

I'll work something out - when I'm off over Christmas, I'll hunt out some articles about new york weddings and leave them lying round or just 'casually spot' something on a travel website!!! :cool:

New York is awesome, I got engaged there. I hope you get your engagement soon so you can get married there.

jtr2803 wrote: »

If you are crazy then it means the rest of us must be well and truly bonkers :rotfl:. When I mention this thread to people I know how have either already got married or who are engaged they can all identify! It's VERY rare to find a woman who has had a completely out of the blue proposal, most admit that they were hinting before it happened!

OH and I have been together three and a half years today and this will be our fourth Christmas together, I can't believe how quickly it has gone :eek:.

I was hinting for about 2 years before my OH did it. I really thought he would do it on our 5 year anniversary in Sep 2008 but only did it Jun 2010.

OH and I have been together for 8 years but have only ever had 1 christmas together.

minerva_windsong

jtr2803 wrote: »

I'm trying to get myself into that line of thinking too, especially after the fiasco and tears in my house on Christmas Day last year. I hate forcing myself to have that attitude because it really isn't how I feel and I hate having to put on an 'act'. I used to love Christmas but now I dread it, I am already considering de-activating my facebook for a few weeks so I don't have to put up with all the announcements and do the whole 'congratulations' thing. I know that sounds horrid and it's just jealousy but I admit it! My absolute worst fear is that one of OH's friends will propose to their girlfriends.

*hugs*

I feel very much like that as well. Thankfully there's only one friend who might propose - all our other friends who are in relationships haven't been with their partners anywhere near long enough for them to propose to them (I know that in theory they could have a very quick proposal but I don't think they will) - and I'm not sure if he would do it at Christmas as it doesn't strike me as his style. But I would still feel like a terrible person being happy for them when inside I'd be stamping my foot like a spoilt toddler and whining "It's not fair!"

Chick

I love peeking at this thread every now and then!
It helps reassure me that I am not completely insane for having all these feelings...I am definitely not alone and it makes me feel so much better!!

I am definitely not expecting anything over the holidays, in any case both me and the OH are working so we won't be spending Christmas or New Year together...this makes me a bit sad but it's always been like that, with the nature of our jobs.

That's so true about the Facebook annoucements- they have started already, an ex-work colleague got engaged in Paris, he's not a close friend or anything.

I am convinced that my brother and his girlfriend will announce their engagement on christmas day- she is expecting a baby early next year, so it's certainly on the cards.

I will be so happy for them, of course, but there is an unreasonable niggle at the back of my mind that it's sooo unfair that it's not me who is getting engaged!

I think it's because my brother is younger than me (I'm nearly 34)- less than 18 months, so we are close in age and his girlfriend is even younger- not even 30 yet.

I know you shouldn't compare relationships & situations, but they have been together for less time than me & my OH...they have been together 2 years, me & OH have been together 3.5 years.

In fact when I got together with my OH my brother was still living with his previous long-term girlfriend...I guess things have moved much more quickly for them.

I think as Christmas approaches I'm starting to feel more down about it- I know this should be a wonderful, happy time of year but I'm just not feeling it yet

I just know lots of strong feelings are going to well up in me, spending the day with my parents, brother and his OH...feeling that everything that is going on for them is something I want more than anything for myself & my OH.

I will have to hide these feelings away, I don't want to be the miserable one. I've written loads, feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment

jtr2803

Chick wrote: »

I love peeking at this thread every now and then!
It helps reassure me that I am not completely insane for having all these feelings...I am definitely not alone and it makes me feel so much better!!

I am definitely not expecting anything over the holidays, in any case both me and the OH are working so we won't be spending Christmas or New Year together...this makes me a bit sad but it's always been like that, with the nature of our jobs.

That's so true about the Facebook annoucements- they have started already, an ex-work colleague got engaged in Paris, he's not a close friend or anything.

I am convinced that my brother and his girlfriend will announce their engagement on christmas day- she is expecting a baby early next year, so it's certainly on the cards.

I will be so happy for them, of course, but there is an unreasonable niggle at the back of my mind that it's sooo unfair that it's not me who is getting engaged!

I think it's because my brother is younger than me (I'm nearly 34)- less than 18 months, so we are close in age and his girlfriend is even younger- not even 30 yet.

I know you shouldn't compare relationships & situations, but they have been together for less time than me & my OH...they have been together 2 years, me & OH have been together 3.5 years.

In fact when I got together with my OH my brother was still living with his previous long-term girlfriend...I guess things have moved much more quickly for them.

I think as Christmas approaches I'm starting to feel more down about it- I know this should be a wonderful, happy time of year but I'm just not feeling it yet

I just know lots of strong feelings are going to well up in me, spending the day with my parents, brother and his OH...feeling that everything that is going on for them is something I want more than anything for myself & my OH.

I will have to hide these feelings away, I don't want to be the miserable one. I've written loads, feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment

Don't feel bad about it, it seems like a lot of us are feeling like that. It's definitely worse at Christmas because there is always SOMEONE who has to go and propose isn't there? :mad:;)

The one thing I have noticed cropping up a lot is the feeling of 'why not me?' and I am sure that's the worst part. I always end up feeling like there is something wrong with me and that's the bit that makes me so down.

Thanks for the hugs MW . We have some friends who have been together a longgggggggg time but I don't think he will propose. They shouldn't actually be together - both have cheated but when they try to separate they just can't. He admits he doesn't see marriage or children with her but I suppose that could change. Another couple have been together 2 years but she is very early twenties so maybe not? Last but not least is another couple who aren't yet living together but it wouldn't surprise me if he did, especially as they are going to Barcelona for Valentines day!

I have loads of old school friends who are all having babies at the moment and I've dreamt about being pregnant two nights in a row which is bizarre, especially as I can't see us having children. I swear the bulk of the problems come from Facebook!!!

teabythesea

I do think it's very bizarre getting proposal plans in your head etc. My wonderful fiance proposed to me on my 21st birthday after a long walk up a wet cold and windy cliff but the main thing was that he chose it to be that way. If I had of had it all planned in my head I would've been either disappointed or not surprised. Proposals are meant to be surprises! Imagine if your OH has an idea of a proposal that he thinks is great, but you come along all obnoxious in a "I want it to be MY way" you could put him off proposing.

AllyS

Chick wrote: »

I love peeking at this thread every now and then!
It helps reassure me that I am not completely insane for having all these feelings...I am definitely not alone and it makes me feel so much better!!

I am definitely not expecting anything over the holidays, in any case both me and the OH are working so we won't be spending Christmas or New Year together...this makes me a bit sad but it's always been like that, with the nature of our jobs.

That's so true about the Facebook annoucements- they have started already, an ex-work colleague got engaged in Paris, he's not a close friend or anything.

I am convinced that my brother and his girlfriend will announce their engagement on christmas day- she is expecting a baby early next year, so it's certainly on the cards.

I will be so happy for them, of course, but there is an unreasonable niggle at the back of my mind that it's sooo unfair that it's not me who is getting engaged!

I think it's because my brother is younger than me (I'm nearly 34)- less than 18 months, so we are close in age and his girlfriend is even younger- not even 30 yet.

I know you shouldn't compare relationships & situations, but they have been together for less time than me & my OH...they have been together 2 years, me & OH have been together 3.5 years.

In fact when I got together with my OH my brother was still living with his previous long-term girlfriend...I guess things have moved much more quickly for them.

I think as Christmas approaches I'm starting to feel more down about it- I know this should be a wonderful, happy time of year but I'm just not feeling it yet

I just know lots of strong feelings are going to well up in me, spending the day with my parents, brother and his OH...feeling that everything that is going on for them is something I want more than anything for myself & my OH.

I will have to hide these feelings away, I don't want to be the miserable one. I've written loads, feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment

Welcome come and moan here over Christmas, we will help pick you back up again

teabythesea wrote: »

I do think it's very bizarre getting proposal plans in your head etc. My wonderful fiance proposed to me on my 21st birthday after a long walk up a wet cold and windy cliff but the main thing was that he chose it to be that way. If I had of had it all planned in my head I would've been either disappointed or not surprised. Proposals are meant to be surprises! Imagine if your OH has an idea of a proposal that he thinks is great, but you come along all obnoxious in a "I want it to be MY way" you could put him off proposing.

I think most people on here don't care how the proposal is done we just want to get married. I don't care if I even get an official proposal to be honest, I just want to set a wedding date. Any proposal to most of us on here will be the most amazing day of our lives, some girlies have been waiting a very long time!