Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

JOHN1982

Ziggazee wrote: »

On my life......I thought the "desperate for him to propose" woman was the stuff comedy sketches are made of but this thread tells me different. I think all your men should run run run for their lives!!!!

I know, right?! :eek:

As a guy, reading this thread, all that's going through my head is the noise from Phycho as he moves towards the shower! :rotfl:

I'd like to kid myself that my Fiance never had these thoughts ... but I bet she did ... and I bet she's reading this too! Ha ha!


*edit*
Why can't I write Fianc!?! What about Caf!?!

spoonymoose

JOHN1982 wrote: »

I know, right?! :eek:

As a guy, reading this thread, all that's going through my head is the noise from Phycho as he moves towards the shower! :rotfl:

I'd like to kid myself that my Fiance never had these thoughts ... but I bet she did ... and I bet she's reading this too! Ha ha!


*edit*
Why can't I write Fianc!?! What about Caf!?!

John, unfortunately as women we do tend to obsess about things and it's not just marriage. I think we go into overdrive when we hear of other people getting married and wonder "well, what's wrong with us?"

I think proposals are made out to be a huge and scary thing because of all the films we watch (and I think the quickie proposals and marriages in films doesn't. help us women!) and so men feel under pressure to do something amazing.

I think us women tend to get these thoughts after our OH's have suggested/talked about marriage - and if they talk about it, we wonder why they can't just ask us instead of waiting longer (that's the thing that drives us insane! Us women tend to suggest something and then do it straight away, well I do.)

Did you talk to your OH about wanting to marry her one day? If so, did you then propose straight away or leave her hanging for a while?

I must admit that the thoughts of marriage from me probably came after being together for 6 years, after I'd done my growing up, finished uni and had moved in with him so I was only "psycho" for just over a year and a half (although I was never "psycho" to him about it.)

MrsDrink

spoonymoose wrote: »

I think proposals are made out to be a huge and scary thing because of all the films we watch (and I think the quickie proposals and marriages in films doesn't. help us women!) and so men feel under pressure to do something amazing.

Absolutely agree with you here. And I think it's *this* that is the cause of all the distress and upset that we read on this thread. I have said it again and again, I'll say it again now, and I'll no doubt say it again another day...

But I never ever ever wanted to wait for a proposal. The moment MrD decided he wanted me to be his wife, was the moment I wanted to be engaged and start preparing and planning for the rest of our lives. NOT when MrD decided to 'surprise' me with some big totally over the top and unnecessary scenario.

My heart goes out to all those women whose partners have agreed to marry. Say they want to be their husbands. Want to spend the rest of their lives together. Talk about the future, children, retirement etc. But then don't allow them to feel like they are engaged to be married because they keep them waiting till that 'magical perfect' moment. Cause to me that is as bad as telling someone you have a secret but you aren't going to tell them what it is! :rotfl:

And if the big magical proposal is what the bride-to-be is after then in my mind it's her own bloomin fault :rotfl: and she should be more patient!

(MrD and I agreed to marry, and hence for us became engaged to marry, one afternoon during a weekend in February 2010, no frills no fuss, and no engagement ring. Thank god!, But it did take him 5 years to make his mind up :rotfl: and after being together for 10-11 years.)

Brighton_belle

MrsDrink wrote: »

Absolutely agree with you here. And I think it's *this* that is the cause of all the distress and upset that we read on this thread. I have said it again and again, I'll say it again now, and I'll no doubt say it again another day...

But I never ever ever wanted to wait for a proposal. The moment MrD decided he wanted me to be his wife, was the moment I wanted to be engaged and start preparing and planning for the rest of our lives. NOT when MrD decided to 'surprise' me with some big totally over the top and unnecessary scenario.

Some of the upset and distress, but definitely not all.
I just think that quite a few men just aren't bothered about marriage - they already have a wife in everything but name if the couple are living together. The same men may well be very unproactive in other areas of life. Others are more put off by the idea of all the wedding whoo harr, particularaly the thought of standing in front of load of people. And others can't see how a 'bit of paper' will make any difference to what they already have. Women tend to have to wait, because the men in their life put off the committment to marry.
And invariable, the same men can't stop smiling with happiness on their wedding day, or getting all emotional during their speech.

In my own case, I had no expectations of a big proposal, I just wanted and needed to know marriage was absolutely what he wanted. And have to wait for that, for him to process that and grow in confidence and all sorts of things. So when he just casually said 'let's do it" with a big smile on his face in July, that was it, our intent to marry was declared, therefore, we were engaged: I immediately told family and friends and within the week had planned and booked a simple wedding for 10 weeks later. Didn't go ring shopping for about 3 weeks after.

MrsDrink

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Some of the upset and distress, but definitely not all.

Yes on reflection I agree - not all. I wasn't very happy in the 5 years after I decided I wanted to get married (after adamantly proclaiming I didn't need nor want to for as long as I can remember), to when MrD finally decided he want to too. And that wasn't a case of waiting for that 'magical' surprise proposal. That was just waiting for a "go on then". Which like you was when I became engaged and announced it to the world.

But there is a lot of "when we are married" discussions in this thread from both parties, and therefore there is (in my eyes) the agreement to marry, but yet they aren't engaged and are waiting for that big proposal.

minerva_windsong

findingmyownway wrote: »

OK, sorry for the delay - I am back!

Yep, we were away for the weekend in the country and while out for a walk (in the snow :j) he got down on one knee and produced a ring!! Bless him, it was lovely, so private and exactly what I would have chosen. The ring is amazing - a classic diamond solitaire, just what I wanted - and even better its a perfect fit and so i haven't had to take it off since. Wooo hooooooo

Awww, that's lovely! Congratulations to you and your OH :beer: :T

caz2003uk

I just found this thread and although it hasn't happened yet....

i have a feeling it will on christmas day! Just from lil things his mum and him have said over the last week or so, i hope im right as im getting very excited about it!!

We haven't been together long at all compared to some of you guys on here but we are so great together so my fingers are well and truly crossed ...i hope im not counting my chickens....! lol

squ1rrel5

Will keep my fingers crossed for you but please try not to get your hopes up too much just in case.
I've been experiencing moments like this (with lots of clues) for the last 12 months and its never happened - im also waiting on a Christmas or New Year proposal but realistically know it probably wont happen!!

If it does, please come back and tell us so it gives the rest of us some hope!!! :rotfl:

jtr2803

findingmyownway wrote: »

OK, sorry for the delay - I am back!

Yep, we were away for the weekend in the country and while out for a walk (in the snow :j) he got down on one knee and produced a ring!! Bless him, it was lovely, so private and exactly what I would have chosen. The ring is amazing - a classic diamond solitaire, just what I wanted - and even better its a perfect fit and so i haven't had to take it off since. Wooo hooooooo

Awww, it sounds fab, mega congratulations to you! :beer:

Hope we have a few more graduates before the year ends

jtr2803

caz2003uk wrote: »

I just found this thread and although it hasn't happened yet....

i have a feeling it will on christmas day! Just from lil things his mum and him have said over the last week or so, i hope im right as im getting very excited about it!!

We haven't been together long at all compared to some of you guys on here but we are so great together so my fingers are well and truly crossed ...i hope im not counting my chickens....! lol

I really hope it does happen for you. As Squ1rrel5 says below please don't try to get your hopes up just in case, most of us have been at that point where we were adamant it was going to happen but it didn't and it can be soooo upsetting.

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Will keep my fingers crossed for you but please try not to get your hopes up too much just in case.
I've been experiencing moments like this (with lots of clues) for the last 12 months and its never happened - im also waiting on a Christmas or New Year proposal but realistically know it probably wont happen!!

If it does, please come back and tell us so it gives the rest of us some hope!!! :rotfl:

I really have my fingers, toes and legs crossed for you

The only vaguely interesting bit of update I have is that my OH was looking at an old pumping station in Nottingham on the internet yesterday and said oh look dear they do weddings.......my reply was *that's nice* :rotfl: