Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

squ1rrel5

Ok folks, please can you help me with a dilemma? So as you know I am still waiting for OH to 'officially' ask even though we've both discussed the idea previously and realise that its 'game on' for marriage at some point.

During our discussions we've both pretty much decided that we want to get married by ourselves without family (possibly abroad) in a quicky, no frills ceremony (gosh were so romantic lol) :rotfl:
The location hasnt been discussed (to be fair NOTHING has been discussed in any detail) but in my head I have a top 3 locations:
1) NEW YORK - would so love to do it here, its so uncomplicated, pay for marriage licence on arrival, get married within 24 hours so requires not much planning and cheap...yes its a conveyor belt style do, but wed be in the coolest city ever to go and celebrate afterwards
2) Scotland (Gretna Green or similar) - I was born in Scotland and this would be quite a nice thing to do...
3) Local registry office - not the one in our town but another one about 20/30 miles away could invite a few people (parents) if we wanted and its quite a nice setting (lovely historic building).

Now please dont say Im obessed by having these thoughts - Im sure if I actually discuessed it with OH he's agree with them all!!! :rotfl:

Anyway back to the point of this thread.... I thought that when OH asks me to marry him, I could then say "Yes please, lets do one to NYC and do it there!" - this is obviously my number one choice!!!

Thing is, OH has suggested that for our holiday next year we go to NYC!!!!
Great... but he's been asking me about what time of year we should go, and wants to start planning the holiday right now.
All well and good but I dont want to go there JUST on a holiday because we're not likely to go back again in a long while and its such a dream to get married there!! So what do I do? If he is planning on asking me sometime soon, then I dont want to spoil things by saying 'lets get married in NYC" but I dont want to plan a random holiday when it could be so much more... If we do go there I really really want it to be at least an OPTION that we get married while we are there.
Its hard to hold off the planning of the trip because hes the worlds most obsessed researcher and planner (hence why I think he might be a while popping the question lol :rotfl:)
So frustrating.... I dont think hes thinking of a wedding, I just think he wants to go because hes never been (Ive been and know how amazing it is!).

Please help.... should I just blatantly say something to him....dont really want the issue to spoil Christmas though, but not sure if I can hold him off til afterwards!!!!

wanchai_2

NYC all the way!!!! How fabulous!!!! And it sounds like you're very excited about it too!

Let him plan the holiday for next year - if you're not getting married then, use it as a recce/planning trip for the wedding! And then you get to go back!!!!!!!!

I have it all worked out, no?

squ1rrel5

Thanks wanchai!! Sounds simple doesnt it??!

Only thing is, if we go, we will only be able to afford it ONCE - so if we get married there, it has to be on THIS trip...I know we wouldnt be able to afford to do it twice...

if not its probably likely to be 3rd choice, registry office....BOOOOH!!!!!

this is why I feel like I need to say something BEFORE the proposal itself happens.... but surely this means I am proposing to him!! I think I need to get over the whole tradtion thing and just tell him this is what I want to do!!!! :-)

I couldnt bear going to NYC and it not happening!!!!!! :eek:

My plan is to try and get Christmas and New year over and done with....just in case theres a festive proposal coming (I doubt it)... if it hasnt happened I think im going to just suggest the wedding thing and see what happens...I'll go along with the planning of the trip but will try and put off booking anything til January (I work in a 'sort of' travel job so can concoct some half-truths about flights being really cheap in Jan/Feb!!!!)

White_Sapphire

Could you casually drop into a conversation at some point that it's always been a dream of yours to get married in NYC?

Then promptly change the subject so he doesn't feel pressured, but hopefully the seed will have been planted....

dragoneye454

Hi All,

I've been watching this thread for a little while and I just wanted to thank you.
Our relationship has always been about logic and not following the standard rules that people seem to expect.
So after your posts one night and the stress that you put yourself through, I decided it wasn't for me so I popped the question myself. No massive planning to do it, no set up. A really relaxed conversation on the sofa and I just asked. I know it sounds boring and an anticlimax but I love this person and feel ready so rather than the massive hints I just came out and said it. And he said yes. Woo hoo!!!
My one condition was that it wasn't official until he had spoken to my dad first and that it was before xmas day as I would hate people to think it was just an xmas proposal thing as it is something so much more serious.
Anyway, I wish you all the best of luck, but also wanted to say that if you want something enough, it's sometimes up to you to reach out and grab it.

butterfly2001

have you considered NYC being where he wants to propose to you as he is aware it is a place that means so much to you, therefore it isnt just a holiday to him anyway?

squ1rrel5

Yes I have considered that, but I think he knows (well I hope he does) that the location of the proposal does not matter to me in the slightest - only that it happens, lol
Id much rather the wedding be there as this is the bit that actually means something to me but that means I need to say something before we actually go!!
If he proposed in NYC I tyhink Id actually be more annoyed that hed made a bigger deal out of that than the actual wedding itself (which, whatever we do, will be a rather 'low budget' affair, I know NYC isnt low budget but as it will just be the two of us, we can justify it as just a cost of a holiday, albeit a bit of an expensive one, but thats allowed if its your wedding day too!!!!). :rotfl:

I'll work something out - when I'm off over Christmas, I'll hunt out some articles about new york weddings and leave them lying round or just 'casually spot' something on a travel website!!! :cool:

butterfly2001

i hope it all works out for you it must be such a frustrating situation for you, xx

StarSquishy

Just wanted to drop by and say reading through all your thoughts and frustrations makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm not crazy either as you are all having the same thoughts in your relationships. Hopefully this Xmas and New Year will bring you all some lovely news.
For me.... I'm expecting nothing But thats because I'm slowly coming round to thinking that circumstances mean it isn't the right time anyway.
I can still dream at times though .............................

AllyS

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Yes I have considered that, but I think he knows (well I hope he does) that the location of the proposal does not matter to me in the slightest - only that it happens, lol
Id much rather the wedding be there as this is the bit that actually means something to me but that means I need to say something before we actually go!!
If he proposed in NYC I tyhink Id actually be more annoyed that hed made a bigger deal out of that than the actual wedding itself (which, whatever we do, will be a rather 'low budget' affair, I know NYC isnt low budget but as it will just be the two of us, we can justify it as just a cost of a holiday, albeit Ua bit of an expensive one, but thats allowed if its your wedding day too!!!!). :rotfl:

I'll work something out - when I'm off over Christmas, I'll hunt out some articles about new york weddings and leave them lying round or just 'casually spot' something on a travel website!!! :cool:

I think this is a great plan. Drop it into conversation and plant the seed. No major pressure and hopefully fingers crossed he will realise and you will have the wedding of your dreams

StarSquishy wrote: »

Just wanted to drop by and say reading through all your thoughts and frustrations makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm not crazy either as you are all having the same thoughts in your relationships. Hopefully this Xmas and New Year will bring you all some lovely news.
For me.... I'm expecting nothing But thats bewcause I'm slowly coming round to thinking that circumstances mean it isn't the right time anyway.
I can still dream at times though .............................

Don't worry nothing is going to happen for me over xmas or in the near future, see my previous post. It's ok though I am actually quite relaxed about the idea at the moment