Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

findingmyownway

Afternoon all,

Congrats ellie's angel - that was very brave of you and I am glad it worked out well. Fingers crossed for some more 'graduates' from this thread soon

I think my taste in rings is pretty dull too - a classic diamond solitaire would suit me down to the ground! I think OH knows that though.

wanchai_2

Mine is a classic round brilliant cut diamond. I love it to pieces - but love the sound of some of the rings described on here.

findingmyownway

verandi wrote: »

There seems to be a lot of you on here lately doing the big conversation about it. You're braver people than me! I've never so much as mentioned it and don't think I ever could. I don't know why really, because as you said, relationships should be open and honest. It's just something I wouldn't be able to bring up

You've really never talked about it? Not even in a jokey way? Has he ever tried to bring it up? How long have you been together?

p00pieb0tt0m

I have been sobbing reading this thread, thanks to everyone for sharing.

I got together with my OH over 9 1/2 years ago. I'm 33 now and he has just turned 30. We have discussed marriage a little bit, you know, 'Will we be together forever?' 'Yes' and similar.

We have been living together for most of that time, bought a house together 2 years ago. I don't understand the difference in commitment level between £100000 of debt and marriage!

He has known that I would marry him for a long time now. From my experience, please don't buy your ring and give it him.
I gave him my Nana's engagement ring, with what I thought was a lovely note, describing my love for him, and that as we didn't have much money, he could use it to propose, and if he didn't want to, he could give it me back. I discovered not very long ago that this really disturbed him. I still haven't got the ring back. Thankfully I do know that it is safe.

squ1rrel5

I actually think that one of the reasons that my OH is waiting to propose is that he is worried about choosing a ring but I think this is all my fault!!

A while ago we were chatting to his sister and her hubby proposed with a really cheap ring while they were travelling - she was really pleased with it but he always said that it was just a 'prop' and he would buy her a real one when they got home, which they did and they chose it together. I distinctly remember saying that I would love for the ring to be a surprise as it would mean much more to me - I wasnt really thinking about getting engaged then, it was just a mere comment!!

I still think this conversation is resonating in the back of his mind and yes I still think that would be lovely but its not the most important bit.
All my friends have lovely modern solitaire rings but Im more quirky in my dress sense and would love a more vintage looking or antique ring (the fact that someone else has worn it really doesnt bother me as I but 99% of my clothes second hand) but I think OH would be torn between thinking that I want a 'proper' engagement ring (solitaire) but also wondering if he should buy something to suit my personality more (if he does get one I hope he goes for the latter!)

Anyway my point actually is, that in reality, if it came down to it I couldnt really care less about the ring.
If he is worried about choosing the right one then Id rather him just ask me and then we go and choose one together than waiting forever for him to find the perfect one!!
(dont you just hate it when conversations you had AGES ago come back and bite you in the a$$!)

I could also live very happily WITHOUT an engagement ring - all I want is to be married and if it ever comes to the point when I blatantly have to ask him if we can get married, then I wont be expecting to go out any buy one - by that stage I'm just going to frogmarch him to go and buy the actual wedding bands!!!!

AllyS

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

I actually think that one of the reasons that my OH is waiting to propose is that he is worried about choosing a ring but I think this is all my fault!!

A while ago we were chatting to his sister and her hubby proposed with a really cheap ring while they were travelling - she was really pleased with it but he always said that it was just a 'prop' and he would buy her a real one when they got home, which they did and they chose it together. I distinctly remember saying that I would love for the ring to be a surprise as it would mean much more to me - I wasnt really thinking about getting engaged then, it was just a mere comment!!

I still think this conversation is resonating in the back of his mind and yes I still think that would be lovely but its not the most important bit.
All my friends have lovely modern solitaire rings but Im more quirky in my dress sense and would love a more vintage looking or antique ring (the fact that someone else has worn it really doesnt bother me as I but 99% of my clothes second hand) but I think OH would be torn between thinking that I want a 'proper' engagement ring (solitaire) but also wondering if he should buy something to suit my personality more (if he does get one I hope he goes for the latter!)

Anyway my point actually is, that in reality, if it came down to it I couldnt really care less about the ring.
If he is worried about choosing the right one then Id rather him just ask me and then we go and choose one together than waiting forever for him to find the perfect one!!
(dont you just hate it when conversations you had AGES ago come back and bite you in the a$$!)

I could also live very happily WITHOUT an engagement ring - all I want is to be married and if it ever comes to the point when I blatantly have to ask him if we can get married, then I wont be expecting to go out any buy one - by that stage I'm just going to frogmarch him to go and buy the actual wedding bands!!!!

Its funny how our expectations change with time, I was thinking the other day that I am not bothered in slightest about even being engaged I would be more than happy to just get married haha.

I prefer old/antique rings too, but OH really dislikes them and wants me to have something delicate, modern and expensive! To be honest though I really really don't care I am happy to have anything or nothing. I just want to marry him

On a seperate subject, we have both been married before and 'if' we get married he wants to use his ring again. Let me explain, it was massively expensive and he bought it himself and actually never wore it (mainly because she refused to wear her engagement and wedding ring, so it became a battle of wills!) so apart from the fact that it was used in his wedding, it has never actually been a proper wedding ring as such. When he first said abut it I was really bothered by it, but as time as gone on, I realise that why should we spend out all that money again on a ring he likes, when he has a perfectly good one, but I am concerned about people recognising it and what they think - I know worrying about this now is silly as nothing is even happening in that department, but it would be nice to have your opinions.

Ax

AllyS

p00pieb0tt0m wrote: »

I have been sobbing reading this thread, thanks to everyone for sharing.

I got together with my OH over 9 1/2 years ago. I'm 33 now and he has just turned 30. We have discussed marriage a little bit, you know, 'Will we be together forever?' 'Yes' and similar.

We have been living together for most of that time, bought a house together 2 years ago. I don't understand the difference in commitment level between £100000 of debt and marriage!

He has known that I would marry him for a long time now. From my experience, please don't buy your ring and give it him.
I gave him my Nana's engagement ring, with what I thought was a lovely note, describing my love for him, and that as we didn't have much money, he could use it to propose, and if he didn't want to, he could give it me back. I discovered not very long ago that this really disturbed him. I still haven't got the ring back. Thankfully I do know that it is safe.

Welcome to the group

Aww it is a shame that he was disturbed about the ring idea, I think it was a lovely thing to do, but then I am a girl

Is it worth trying to discuss things with him again? and the fact he hasn't given it back must be a good sign? surely?

jtr2803

AllyS wrote: »

Sorry I don't know how to do multi quote

Next to the quote button is a little button with speech bubbles, just go down the posts and click this on the ones you want to quote, when you have chosen them, hit reply and voila! They will all be there so you just add your text between them, hope that helps

jtr2803

p00pieb0tt0m wrote: »

I have been sobbing reading this thread, thanks to everyone for sharing.

I got together with my OH over 9 1/2 years ago. I'm 33 now and he has just turned 30. We have discussed marriage a little bit, you know, 'Will we be together forever?' 'Yes' and similar.

We have been living together for most of that time, bought a house together 2 years ago. I don't understand the difference in commitment level between £100000 of debt and marriage!

He has known that I would marry him for a long time now. From my experience, please don't buy your ring and give it him.
I gave him my Nana's engagement ring, with what I thought was a lovely note, describing my love for him, and that as we didn't have much money, he could use it to propose, and if he didn't want to, he could give it me back. I discovered not very long ago that this really disturbed him. I still haven't got the ring back. Thankfully I do know that it is safe.

Bless you, at least you now know you aren't alone and you can always vent in here! In what way was your OH disturbed? Was he disturbed that it was your nans ring or that you wanted to get married? I also think it was a lovely gesture on your part.

AllyS wrote: »

Its funny how our expectations change with time, I was thinking the other day that I am not bothered in slightest about even being engaged I would be more than happy to just get married haha.

I prefer old/antique rings too, but OH really dislikes them and wants me to have something delicate, modern and expensive! To be honest though I really really don't care I am happy to have anything or nothing. I just want to marry him

On a seperate subject, we have both been married before and 'if' we get married he wants to use his ring again. Let me explain, it was massively expensive and he bought it himself and actually never wore it (mainly because she refused to wear her engagement and wedding ring, so it became a battle of wills!) so apart from the fact that it was used in his wedding, it has never actually been a proper wedding ring as such. When he first said abut it I was really bothered by it, but as time as gone on, I realise that why should we spend out all that money again on a ring he likes, when he has a perfectly good one, but I am concerned about people recognising it and what they think - I know worrying about this now is silly as nothing is even happening in that department, but it would be nice to have your opinions.

Ax

I think I would probably be the same as you to start with, I think it would bother me but as you say, he likes it, it was expensive and as he has never actually worn it then it was basically just an expensive self gift and I don't see any harm in him using it again :cool:

Verandi - I can't go back far enough and find your post to quote but am also a little surprised you haven't discussed the 'M' word at all. Do you think there is a chance that maybe your OH doesn't think you want to??? I think I would need there to be some sort of hint or discussion before I proposed (if I was a bloke) otherwise I'd be afraid they would say no

My OH put don't tell the bride on for about 10 minutes last night and actually watched it :eek:. Normally he flicks straight past it all, maybe he is softening a little? Mind you, I think he also had a fleeting broody moment at the weekend over his nephew too...he said 'Ethan is hilarious isn't he, he's awesome', my reply was 'don't get any ideas' and he never said anything! Normally he would tell me that he most definitely wasn't :rotfl:

We have been talking about going to Mexico early in 2013 and staying in one of the amazing ultra AI hotels so I admit I looked into getting married there as I think that would be perfect but it looks like it's loads of hassle getting things translated and having to have blood tests and then certificates apostilled so I think that's out of the window

Brighton_belle

AllyS wrote: »

On a seperate subject, we have both been married before and 'if' we get married he wants to use his ring again. Let me explain, it was massively expensive and he bought it himself and actually never wore it (mainly because she refused to wear her engagement and wedding ring, so it became a battle of wills!) so apart from the fact that it was used in his wedding, it has never actually been a proper wedding ring as such. When he first said abut it I was really bothered by it, but as time as gone on, I realise that why should we spend out all that money again on a ring he likes, when he has a perfectly good one, but I am concerned about people recognising it and what they think - I know worrying about this now is silly as nothing is even happening in that department, but it would be nice to have your opinions.

Ax

Well, I wouldn't notice a man's ring especially, just that he was wearing one. I personally found I do not attach great sentiment to my DH's actual ring..i.e. if it got lost we would just replace it, I wouldn't feel upset that that was the ring he married me with IYSWIM. I think it is the quality of the marriage I would see, not the ring is what I am trying to say.

I do wonder if some men are put off by their anxiety over the style of a proposal. Certainly my DH would chose the "lets ignore the whole issue" route rather than deal with the complecations of making it 'special'.

Funny thing ring taste - I have no interest in diamonds and its acceptance as 'the engagement ring of choice" is a very modern thing. There is no way I would have wanted my OH chosing a ring for me, as he wouldn't have had a clue what to get, which is fine by me. I chose my own after the proposal and he very sweetly insisted on paying.
I do confess to mentioning "casually" a number of times over the years how much I didn't like diamonds, incase he did think that was what he had to get..and there isno way I could have worn something like that with any pleasure.:o

I also wonder if the cohorts of men that just don't get on with it are the flip side of a less simple society: where we now have more freedoms to live togther and marriage is not held by society in such high regard, then they just don't have to bother. There would have been just as many men like this in the past, but due to unbreakable society rules their choices were simple and more made for them: you date, you marry, you make a home to gether, you then have children.