Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jtr2803

verandi wrote: »

Haha yes I do, and yes I have! :rotfl:

Now all I have to do is wait til he realises he feels the same. Unfortunately for me, patience is a virtue that I don't possess a lot of :A

Is it sad that I already know exactly what ring I want? Am I alone on that one?

No!!!!! :rotfl:

I saw the perfect ring back in May before we went on holiday, it was white gold with an amethyst heart and two small round diamonds, very subtle, very different and VERY me. It was an independant jewellers too so doubt it's there any more, that's probably one of the reasons I was so upset he didn't do it!:eek:

jtr2803

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Ok well its pretty much good news... We had a mini talk in bed last night although We were both trying to be cryptic as I think We both felt that talking about it too much would take the edge off it!
I did establish that Yes he does really want to ask me, but he's scared about getting it right and making it special... I told him not to worry but I think by getting upset that he didn't do it had made him more scared!! Bless him!
So at least I know he wants to do it, just a case if when and where now!

I am glad you were able to talk about it without it getting really emotional or heated. Now you know you are both on the same page I keep my fingers crossed it happens soon for you

verandi

jtr2803 wrote: »

No!!!!! :rotfl:

I saw the perfect ring back in May before we went on holiday, it was white gold with an amethyst heart and two small round diamonds, very subtle, very different and VERY me. It was an independant jewellers too so doubt it's there any more, that's probably one of the reasons I was so upset he didn't do it!:eek:

It sounds nice Did your OH know that you liked it?

jtr2803

verandi wrote: »

It sounds nice Did your OH know that you liked it?

No! I really feel like I just can't mention anything about it for fear of putting pressure on or risking getting upset about it. A work mate offered to tell my OH and pretend I didn't know but I didn't want that as I'd forever be wondering if he got it or not!

minerva_windsong

jtr2803 wrote: »

No! I really feel like I just can't mention anything about it for fear of putting pressure on or risking getting upset about it. A work mate offered to tell my OH and pretend I didn't know but I didn't want that as I'd forever be wondering if he got it or not!

This is how I feel; it feels daft to admit it because I'm very much a fan of open and honest communication in relationships, but now it feels like I've got to keep a lid on my emotions all the time or I risk ruining everything and feeling like I'm pushing him into doing something. Thankfully we don't have any weddings to go to for a while as our friends who were due to get married in September next year are now eloping and just having a party and it seems we're not getting invited to our other friend's wedding, so it won't be quite as intense as this year, but there's still that feeling of being left behind and it not being 'fair'.

I actually had a mini-meltdown last night because my OH's brother-in-law said something the other day which sent my brain into overdrive - he and OH's sister have just announced they're expecting and when I congratulated him he said he hoped to return them yesterday, which coupled with my parents visiting and my mentioning my dad appreciated my brothers-in-law asking his permission to propose just made me think 'he's going to do it!'. Of course, he didn't, and then I got really upset because I'd stupidly built my hopes up. However, it did end in us having a big talk about it and getting a lot of things out in the open.

He did say to me "What's the rush?" and I didn't have a proper answer. I know I do want to marry him and he says it will happen, but it's the waiting that I hate - he's now said it's not dependent on jobs and the house, which almost makes it worse because now I don't have anything to work towards - and seeing everyone else get engaged and married and all the 'It'll be you next!' stuff. I am actually dreading going to my sister's for Christmas and seriously considering spending it in London because I don't know if I can take another year of my brothers-in-law making proposal jokes and not get upset about it. I suppose I just need to stop thinking about it and push it to the back of my mind, but it's difficult.

74jax

minerva_windsong wrote: »

I don't know if I can take another year of my brothers-in-law making proposal jokes and not get upset about it. I suppose I just need to stop thinking about it and push it to the back of my mind, but it's difficult.

I know this feeling well. At my OH's sister's wedding his Mum was introducing me to people and people were asking how long we'd been together etc, they would say 'ooo your turn next' or 'do you have plans to get married'. I was fuming when OH insinuated it was me. I asked why he said that and that he had told me he wasn't ready to marry me. It wasn't as awkward a moment as it seems (for me) and OH didn't have an answer (he might have felt awkward, I didn't) and the people we were talking to just looked at my OH for an answer.

I felt soooo much better, because normally I'd make a joke of it and laugh it off.

BlueCow1975

I was with my now DH for 11 years before he got round to proposing to me (granted I was in my late twenties when he finally got round to it!).

Talking from my own personal experiences I found that I needed to get it out of my head totally (and OMG how hard is that!) as it was creating an undercurrent and intensity in our relationship that was not helpful. I totally did not want to put any pressure on in any way as the time had to be right for him and I did not want him to propose because he knew that is what I wanted - when he may have had doubts. I don't mean doubts about wanting to be with me, I mean more doubts about "am I at a time in my life when I want to get married" kind of doubts. At the end of the day for me, I came to realise that marriage is a nice add on but by no means the be all and end all of a relationship. It had to be right for both of us.

THe funny thing is, what swung it in the end was us having a real open chat about it and I actually turned the tables on him and said that I was quite happy to carry on as we were, we were having the time of our lives and I did not actually feel that I was at a stage in my life where marriage was absolutely essential. It was like a magic key in a way as it turned the pressure off totally, which got him thinking and hey presto 4 months later he proposed. :rotfl:

Brighton_belle

minerva_windsong wrote: »

He did say to me "What's the rush?" and I didn't have a proper answer.

Well one reply is, why wait? We love each other, we know we want to be togther always, we both clearly believe in marriage,why not celebrate that now? If you have been togther more than 3 yrs, I do not thing he can in any way shape or form suggest marrying now is 'doing it in a rush'. But I bet you have thought of many good answers since! It is hard to put in concrete terms why it is important to some of us.

I really feel for you all on this thread - been there got the teeshirt. It is seriously painful I know. I was in the same position.
This summer we had been togther 9 yrs, and I too have been through the whole burying the heartache thing, when he suddenly proposed. We married 10 week later this September and just as I had always imagined, a) we are very very happy and b) he loves calling me his wife, and loves being married and has totally blossomed.
Quite why he put if off so long lol!!! (So easy to LOL now of course...)

Squirrels - it is a shame your OH has the believe that 'the proposal' has to be something momentous - I am sure if he asked you while doing the washing up it would be fantastic. Because really, if you have both agreed you want to marry each other, you are now, to my understanding of the period of engagement, technically engaged...

ellies_angel

well I took the bull my the horns and proposed. We had been together almost 5 years, lived together for almost 3 of those and knew that we would be spending the rest of our lives together, but had never ever talked about marriage......I mean never ever, anyway I decided one day I wanted to marry him, I wanted to be his wife, I wanted him as my husband so looked into how we could get married when we were on holiday (it had already been booked) found the iformation I needed, did it all on line and then proposed.
For me it wouldn't have been the make or break of our relationship because we were perfectly happy, I had just got it into my head I wanted us to be married. So we are married and we are still perfectly happy, nothing much about our relationship has changed except I love calling him my husband

squ1rrel5

Good for you ellies angel! Very brave and glad it all worked out!!

I am half thinking about it but I'm hoping OH beats me too it! :rotfl: