Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

squ1rrel5

An update: Jtr don't hold out any hope for the holiday/birthday proposal! I've just come back from a lovely weekend away abroad with my OH which also included my birthday on Sat.
I've been trying not to get my hopes up for weeks but I REALLY thought this was it. lots of factors involved... he knows how much I LOVE the country We went to, how I was desperate to go to this particular place, the birthday, the fact that its also our anniversary this week, the fact we have been trying for a baby for a few months and I know he wants to get married before any babies are born... how many more reasons to make this a perfect weekend to do it!
NOTHING happened and I actually put it to back of my mind most of weekend until we got on the plane. I was feeling down as it was the end of the weekend and id had a few drinks and then on the plane (listening to sad songs on my ipod - never again) I just burst into tears!
Weird thing was, I didn't say anything and oh knew what had upset me! But now he feels upset that he's a rubbish boyfriend by not grabbing the opportunity. This was established in about 5 mins before collapsing in bed last night and now he's in work. I don't know what to say to him later... I feel bad that he feels bad too but I guess the way I'm feeling is almost out in the open as I've been trying to hide it for ages!

findingmyownway

Oh dear Squirrel, how disappointing for you :-(

Its probably a good thing that it is out in the open that you're upset. Men aren't very good at picking up on the little things sometimes. Maybe if you have a good chat tonight then he will be able to explain his reasons for not doing it this weekend.

AllyS

Awww Squirrel. I am so so sorry I am sure once he gets home from work this evening you will be able to have a great chat and then all will be ok again.

Please update us x

jtr2803

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

An update: Jtr don't hold out any hope for the holiday/birthday proposal! I've just come back from a lovely weekend away abroad with my OH which also included my birthday on Sat.
I've been trying not to get my hopes up for weeks but I REALLY thought this was it. lots of factors involved... he knows how much I LOVE the country We went to, how I was desperate to go to this particular place, the birthday, the fact that its also our anniversary this week, the fact we have been trying for a baby for a few months and I know he wants to get married before any babies are born... how many more reasons to make this a perfect weekend to do it!
NOTHING happened and I actually put it to back of my mind most of weekend until we got on the plane. I was feeling down as it was the end of the weekend and id had a few drinks and then on the plane (listening to sad songs on my ipod - never again) I just burst into tears!
Weird thing was, I didn't say anything and oh knew what had upset me! But now he feels upset that he's a rubbish boyfriend by not grabbing the opportunity. This was established in about 5 mins before collapsing in bed last night and now he's in work. I don't know what to say to him later... I feel bad that he feels bad too but I guess the way I'm feeling is almost out in the open as I've been trying to hide it for ages!

Oh bless you hun, I feel really gutted for you (I kinda know a bit how it feels), it's horrible when you really think it might happen and then it doesn't....I remember sitting on the outside decking of the over water restaurant in the Maldives at night, there were more stars than I have ever seen in my life and I don't know how there could ever be a better time to do it but it never happened.

I hope that you get the chance to talk about it tonight x

jtr2803

Lbc wrote: »

I've read this thread over the last few days and I had to say thank you to you all. The OP could have been writing my life story, except the daughter from my previous marriage, and knowing that there are other people out there feeling like this has been a lifeline. I hope you all get the answers you are looking for soon.:)
I hope I do too! :rotfl:

Welcome along! I expect there are hundreds of ladies out there who feel the same way! I am keeping my fingers crossed that we get some more graduates between now and the new year

findingmyownway

How did you get on squirrel?

squ1rrel5

Ok well its pretty much good news... We had a mini talk in bed last night although We were both trying to be cryptic as I think We both felt that talking about it too much would take the edge off it!
I did establish that Yes he does really want to ask me, but he's scared about getting it right and making it special... I told him not to worry but I think by getting upset that he didn't do it had made him more scared!! Bless him!
So at least I know he wants to do it, just a case if when and where now!

verandi

Wow, this topic has really moved along since I last checked in! Some really interesting posts and it's hard to know where to start, but there is one post in particular that I read and completely identified with...

Chick wrote: »

I also admit that another thing that drives on my fear is my age- I would like to have children in the near-ish future, I'd prefer to be married beforehand but if not it's not the end of the world.

Also, I'm totally aware that having kids is not a question of going "ok it's the right time now, let's get on with it"...I've seen how becoming/remaining pregnant can be such a struggle- a friend had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic before finally having her sons.
I don't want to be in my late 30s struggling to conceive or suffering complications...if there are problems I'd rather know sooner than later. But, hey this is a topic for another thread entirely...

I get a bit frustrated when I think how I don't have the luxury of several years to contemplate children...my irrational worry is that my OH will meet someone younger than him (he's 3 years younger than me) who won't go on about wanting children/marriage & sound generally batsh*t crazy!!:rotfl:

It's as if I wrote that myself! I'm 30 very soon, but my OH is quite a few years younger. And I worry all the time that either we'll wait til he's older to get married and have kids and then I'll find I left it too late (as has happened to friends of mine), or we'll get married younger and I'll be worrying deep down that he's felt largely rushed into it, even though I never hint or put any pressure on about it. Argh! :rotfl:

The other thing that worries me about his age if we did get engaged would be how his family would feel about it, about him being so young. I like them alot and I really care what they think about me. I'd be worried they'd feel I had rushed him into it or that he was wishing his life away. So I'd hope he would talk to them about it beforehand. Sounds a bit pathetic I know, but that's how I feel lol.

Also, there's been quite a bit of talk on here about people deciding to end relationships if their partner didn't propose. That's something I wouldnt do. I'm happy in this relationship, happier than I've ever been. I'd rather be with him for the rest of my life and not be married than be without him.

I was in a very long relationship before this one, 11 years, with someone who was the same age as me. We did the whole "growing up" thing together. But I never wanted him to propose. Infact I sometimes dreaded it, because I knew deep down that I wasn't happy. So I think that's maybe partly what makes me feel impatient this time, knowing that if I feel so differently then this must be "the one". If that makes sense...

findingmyownway

verandi wrote: »

Also, there's been quite a bit of talk on here about people deciding to end relationships if their partner didn't propose. That's something I wouldnt do. I'm happy in this relationship, happier than I've ever been. I'd rather be with him for the rest of my life and not be married than be without him.

I was in a very long relationship before this one, 11 years, with someone who was the same age as me. We did the whole "growing up" thing together. But I never wanted him to propose. Infact I sometimes dreaded it, because I knew deep down that I wasn't happy. So I think that's maybe partly what makes me feel impatient this time, knowing that if I feel so differently then this must be "the one". If that makes sense...

It sounds like you know exactly what you want - and you've already found him!

verandi

findingmyownway wrote: »

It sounds like you know exactly what you want - and you've already found him!

Haha yes I do, and yes I have! :rotfl:

Now all I have to do is wait til he realises he feels the same. Unfortunately for me, patience is a virtue that I don't possess a lot of :A

Is it sad that I already know exactly what ring I want? Am I alone on that one?