Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jtr2803

Some old friends got engaged at the weekend and came in to the office and another work colleague has got engaged. Am very happy for both couples but that really does just leave me that's not got any long term commitment......

Made my worse by the fact I've had gum infection all weekend so been in pain and not been able to eat

74jax

jtr2803 wrote: »

Some old friends got engaged at the weekend and came in to the office and another work colleague has got engaged. Am very happy for both couples but that really does just leave me that's not got any long term commitment......

Made my worse by the fact I've had gum infection all weekend so been in pain and not been able to eat

It's !!!! isn't it, and especially more so when you don't feel well.

You say you have lived together for 3 years, do you jointly own your home or are joint tenants? Maybe you could look at it as a long term commitment?

jtr2803

74jax wrote: »

It's !!!! isn't it, and especially more so when you don't feel well.

You say you have lived together for 3 years, do you jointly own your home or are joint tenants? Maybe you could look at it as a long term commitment?

We rent privately and the tenancy is in his name due to my financial history, I think I am just listed as 'living there'. I've brought up buying a house in a few years time but the thought of having a big mortgage makes him very uncomfortable so doubt that's going to happen either.

He's a commitment/responsibility-phobe.

Made all the more annoying by the fact he was away with work all last week and then turned up at my work place Friday lunch time with a big basket of flowers for me as a surprise! It's so frustrating that in almost every other way he's pretty perfect :mad:

findingmyownway

Ah, sounds like he's not all bad then jtr2803! Do you know where his commitment phobia comes from?

I am still waiting patiently. My current OH is NOTHING like my ex and I have a funny feeling he's building up to something quite soon

jtr2803

findingmyownway wrote: »

Ah, sounds like he's not all bad then jtr2803! Do you know where his commitment phobia comes from?

I am still waiting patiently. My current OH is NOTHING like my ex and I have a funny feeling he's building up to something quite soon

Unfortunately I have no idea! His parents are still married but his brother and sister who have both been married have been through pretty bad divorces, I know his brothers affected him quite a bit as my OH was still living at home at the time and he remembers his brother having to move back.....but his brother is now re-married to someone else and they have a young son so he obviously got over it!

I sometimes get the feeling that as his last relationship started to sour after about 4 years he wants us to get to that point to make ours won't go the same way but life doesn't work like that. I can't make any rash decisions yet anyway, we have the two holidays booked for next year so I guess really I need to wait until they have been and gone and see if anything happens in the mean time.

minerva_windsong

I keep thinking my OH is going to propose even though I know there's no way it'll happen this year due to issues with his job (his contract is due to expire at the end of December and he's struggling to get anything else). It's coming out of stupid things like asking me to meet him on a bridge in London near one of my favourite parts of the city - which I know is something that people only do in films and I've said I don't want a public proposal with lots of people around, but still - and randomly buying a champagne cocktail for me in a bar (I'm ashamed to admit I looked in it for a ring *blushes*) and asking me if I want jewellery for Christmas (note I buy jewellery for myself maybe once a year and it's always silly little things rather than 'present'-type jewellery). It's ridiculous!

verandi

I had a complete meltdown last night. Started off by a completely stupid unrelated thing, but before I knew it I was blubbing like a baby and thinking about all this! I think the closer it gets to my 30th birthday the more everything that goes wrong in my life feels related to this! So stupid...

jtr2803

verandi wrote: »

I had a complete meltdown last night. Started off by a completely stupid unrelated thing, but before I knew it I was blubbing like a baby and thinking about all this! I think the closer it gets to my 30th birthday the more everything that goes wrong in my life feels related to this! So stupid...

Not at all hun.......I feel exactly the same. I have a count down to our holiday in Kenya and my 30th in the middle. Last night I felt so down, OH knows something is wrong but I refuse to talk about it. I think the only thing stopping me from having a similar melt down was that I went swimming so had something else to think about instead!

I think it's a shame that more men don't read this thread and see how deep the emotional turmoil runs for women over this, I know we have had one serious poster who was kind enough to share their views but we have also had a few who have told us we were all crazy, clearly from the number of posters on here who feel this way...we are not all crazy!

Idiophreak

jtr2803 wrote: »

I think it's a shame that more men don't read this thread and see how deep the emotional turmoil runs for women over this, I know we have had one serious poster who was kind enough to share their views but we have also had a few who have told us we were all crazy, clearly from the number of posters on here who feel this way...we are not all crazy!

As a man, I think "crazy" is a bit harsh, but at the same time...If a man started a thread in the same vain saying "Waiting for sex..." about his relationship with his girlfriend, you'd all be advising them to be patient, that people move at different speeds, etc....If he started complaining that her keeping her legs together was causing him "emotional turmoil", I imagine it would be met with some quite sharp responses...

johannalf88

I think that is a good way of looking at it Idiophreak. Everyone does move at different speeds, and are at different start points! I was with my OH for 6 years b4 he proposed, but we are still young. I knew that he wouldn't ask until he had a few things sorted, so didn't worry. I did get a bit upset when others where getting engaged before me, but i knew there was a reason he was waiting, and i trusted him to do it. However, If you feel the relationship is going nowhere, and you need to get married then I woul talk to your OH. Discuss whether it's something you both want, without personal issues getting in the way. For some people, women included, it's just not that important.