Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

Olokia

This was how I was feeling a few years ago as I never thought it would happen. Now I am getting married in 6 months.

I am also quite an impatient person and want everything sooner and my fiance wants everything to go slowly.

Sep 2003 - Met and started dating (I was 16 and he was 17)
Sep 2004 - June 2005 - Long distance relationship due to his university and I was still at college.
June 2005 - Moved in together. He said we would get engaged after university
June 2007 - He finished university
Sep 2008 - 5 year anniversary in Rome. I really thought he would ask then
Dec 2008, Feb 2009, Apr 2009, June 2009, Dec 2009, Feb 2010, Apr 2010, June 2010 - Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines Day. Thought he would ask then

(Oh about Apr-May 2010 he asked me ring size and we looked at engagement rings)

June 2010 - 5 days after my birthday, 3 days after we arrived in New York, he took me on a horse and carriage ride and proposed to me. Next day we went to Tiffanys to choose the ring. We had been together for 6.5 years.

Then we had to choose the date of the wedding. I wanted May or September 2011 but he wanted September 2012 or 2013. Eventually decided on September 2012. We chose a venue and they had a midweek 20% off offer on bank holidays with the last one remaining being 7th May 2012.:j. If it was my choice only we would have been married by now.

Next up is children. He wants to wait another 3 or 4 years. I want to start next year....


It is hard being patient but if you have a commitment-phobe like I have then it does take a while.

teaandcakeordeath

This thread feels like I wrote it! I've been with my oh for 11 years.
July 2000 got together, I was 16 he was 17. We've known each other since we were 4 and had always been best friends.
2000-2008 - relationship carried on as usual, no mention of marriage really but the agreement was mutual that we both wanted to be together forever (awww, nauseating myself)
2009- got fed up that oh had no intention of moving in with me. OH has always hated the idea of renting 'dead money', refused to move in with me and my family and getting on property ladder seemed like a distant pipe dream.
October 2009- went to view new build flats near our houses, home buy offer on them and mortgage company accepted home buy loan as deposit- jeepers, looks like we managed to get on the property ladder. Surely we were growing up now?!?
2010- moved into flat, first time we've ever lived together, it's going scarily well... 10 year anniversary in July...no proposal... August 27th birthday... No proposal, Christmas/ new year... No proposal. Pfff.
2011- unable to contain myself any longer. Confront OH, many silly arguments ensue- 'it's good as it is', 'I don't feel good enough to propose yet', 'we can't afford a wedding' etc. Same dates have been and gone this year.
September 2011- OH and I on shopping trip to town. OH decides we should 'look' at rings and get sized so he knows what I like. Nearly died of shock. Silly argument ensues that OH is all talk and no action...

Currently I'm still waiting. It's driving me up the wall and it's the one thing that I push on and start stupid arguments over which is daft, especially considering that now if and when he does propose I'm going to feel like he's done it to shut me up. Doesn't help that I've threatened him with public humiliation if he hasn't asked before next Valentines day- it's a fear of his that I'll propose first...

Lol. Driving myself mental with it all!

minerva_windsong

I found out last night that a uni friend and his fiancee are eloping some time next summer - they've been engaged for a while so it's not surprising, but they haven't been together as long as we have and I still feel a bit 'why isn't it my turn? ' (as much as that makes me sound like a spoilt brat, which I really don't want to come across as). However I can't actually say anything to the OH because I don't want to feel like I'm pushing too much on this when I'm really trying to just enjoy the relationship as it is and all the reasons why it's not practical, but if I do say anything then it's likely to just make him even more resistant to it and mean it's even less likely to happen any time soon.

I wish we both had permanent jobs; I can't help feeling that there's a sense of everything hinging on our employment situation changing for the better, without wanting to sound ungrateful as at least we're both working and some people don't even have that. We've got yet another wedding to go to the weekend after next and I know OH's worried about not really having anything to say in terms of where he is in life (it's the wedding of one of his school friends and he won't have seen most of the people there for 10 years), so I don't know if that's playing a part in it. But it's just so frustrating feeling like we have to wait for this one huge thing and not knowing when it's going to happen before we can do anything with our lives.

/braindump

jtr2803

Minerva....I always wonder why it isn't my turn so don't feel bad about it.

I see we have a graduate from the thread this weekend too

My OH is working away this week, it will be the longest we have spent apart since getting together, I actually feel fine about it but he was very clingy this morning.

We have two holidays booked next year, Kenya for my 30th and the Maldives the week after our 4th anniversary. I hope he can manage it before the end of our Maldives trip. I am getting quite down and bitter about it now

jtr2803

teaandcakeordeath wrote: »

This thread feels like I wrote it! I've been with my oh for 11 years.
July 2000 got together, I was 16 he was 17. We've known each other since we were 4 and had always been best friends.
2000-2008 - relationship carried on as usual, no mention of marriage really but the agreement was mutual that we both wanted to be together forever (awww, nauseating myself)
2009- got fed up that oh had no intention of moving in with me. OH has always hated the idea of renting 'dead money', refused to move in with me and my family and getting on property ladder seemed like a distant pipe dream.
October 2009- went to view new build flats near our houses, home buy offer on them and mortgage company accepted home buy loan as deposit- jeepers, looks like we managed to get on the property ladder. Surely we were growing up now?!?
2010- moved into flat, first time we've ever lived together, it's going scarily well... 10 year anniversary in July...no proposal... August 27th birthday... No proposal, Christmas/ new year... No proposal. Pfff.
2011- unable to contain myself any longer. Confront OH, many silly arguments ensue- 'it's good as it is', 'I don't feel good enough to propose yet', 'we can't afford a wedding' etc. Same dates have been and gone this year.
September 2011- OH and I on shopping trip to town. OH decides we should 'look' at rings and get sized so he knows what I like. Nearly died of shock. Silly argument ensues that OH is all talk and no action...

Currently I'm still waiting. It's driving me up the wall and it's the one thing that I push on and start stupid arguments over which is daft, especially considering that now if and when he does propose I'm going to feel like he's done it to shut me up. Doesn't help that I've threatened him with public humiliation if he hasn't asked before next Valentines day- it's a fear of his that I'll propose first...

Lol. Driving myself mental with it all!

Welcome to the thread! We can all relate to being driven up the wall and being a little crazy about it all. I keep fingers crossed it will happen soon for you

teaandcakeordeath

Thanks JTR. I never thought that i'd be this crazy woman. I've always been pretty laid back about it. Recently 3 people I know have got engaged and I'm really happy for them, I just wish it was me too. I know OH loves me and I know we'll be together- I just like the idea of him declaring that to me and the world.

You've got two holidays coming up- I'm sure it'll happen for you then.

SaLoGo

teaandcakeordeath wrote: »

Thanks JTR. I never thought that i'd be this crazy woman. I've always been pretty laid back about it. Recently 3 people I know have got engaged and I'm really happy for them, I just wish it was me too. I know OH loves me and I know we'll be together- I just like the idea of him declaring that to me and the world.

You've got two holidays coming up- I'm sure it'll happen for you then.

It's so hard seeing other people getting engaged while you're waiting for a proposal. A very good (or so I thought) friend of mine got engaged a few months ago and couldn't even be bothered to tell me in person, I had to read it on Facebook!

squ1rrel5

We're having a special weekend away in a couple of weeks for my birthday - I dont want to build my hopes up as I've done it so many times on occasions and holidays but Im hoping as this is a birthday/holiday rolled into one - it may just be the right time!!!

Im avoiding talking about it too much as I dont want to be seen to be dropping hints all over the place but I know I'll be disappointed if it doesnt happen (although I wont let it spoil the weekend as it will be great whatever - its somewhere we've always wanted to go!)

I doubt it will happen at Christmas as he's working most of it and I dont think hes the type to do it on Valentines...

I've pretty much given him a deadline (in my own head obviously) til 29th Feb next year - if he hasnt asked by then I may just have to bite the bullet and do it myself.
I really dont want to do it all but I'm too impatient to wait any longer!!!!

teaandcakeordeath

At least you've got more discretion than me squ1rrel... I told him I was going to humiliate him in front of as many people as I could possibly conjure up- Think concert stadiums etc... I bloody will if I have to but I'll be furious...

squ1rrel5

Only a little discretion...he almost caught me on this thread last night and I was mortified!!