Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

CompBunny

I've been with my OH for over 5 years now.. living together about a week after we met!:rotfl:

I'm another one who thought he would propose fairly early...we can both be quite impulsive, our relationship was incredibly fast moving, in our first year together we supported each other through things that most people don't experience in a lifetime...

But nope, still not engaged

A few times he has done things like ask my ring size, preferences (traditional yellow gold to match my ginger hair and no diamonds for ethical reasons..white sapphire or moissanite would be awesome though!:p) and we have spoken about how we would like to get married and he has even recently suggested that we start saving towards a wedding fund now we are working towards a better financial position again. :D

He is perfect for me, and I hope I'm perfect for him, but I guess its just not the right time for him yet. A couple of years ago I thought "If he doesn't propose soon, I can't see a future for us" but now I try to think "We're still very young, loads of time ahead of us and I'd much rather wait until he is 100% ready instead of bullying him into it!"

I'm still enjoying being his girlfriend and still learning about each other as a couple

But when the time IS right, I will be on this board sharing stories! See you all in another 5 years or so

jtr2803

Verandi - Still absolutely nothing here at all. Not even a single mention of anything marriage related and yet another one of our old friends has proposed to his girlfriend of one year and a couple whose wedding we went to last year have announced they are having a baby....sigh......I'm in a relationship with Peter Pan.

Compbunny - you have a really great attitude to it, one I wish I had myself but as time goes on with no mention or action I just get more frustrated . I hope it happens for you soon!

continualdiamond

Its one thing getting engaged, its another actually feeling comfortable re a wedding

2000: Met online (aged 17 & 18)

Jan 2003: After phone calls, letters and chatting online, met in person

April 2003: I moved from Australia to the UK so we could be together

Oct 2006: Bought our flat and just before we moved from our rented place he proposed, but he was disappointed with not being able to afford in his eyes a decent ring.

From then on he didn't want to really discuss a wedding, kept saying it was just a piece of paper and nothing would change because we lived together etc etc. I think maybe he felt he had to propose because we'd bought a place together, I don't know.

January 2011 after finding out my parents & sister were visiting in August 2011 (1st time visiting me here) I bought up the wedding idea again and suggested we get married whilst my family was here as I didn't know when my parents would be able to afford to come visit again and we knew we wouldn't be able to afford a holiday to Australia anytime soon. I said I had to have my parents & sister at my wedding at least, even if all my other relatives wouldn't be present.

He seemed more reassured that it was the ideal time and kept asking me if I was being honest that I wanted it low key. I think maybe it was one of those things where he thought is she not saying the truth and deep down wants a big wedding.

February 2011 he got me a better engagement ring, one that he felt comfortable with me having. Then in April 2011 we found our perfect venue, a small village pub that you could have the ceremony at and then the reception. Maybe thats why he agreed, every mans dream, a pub wedding, lol.

So on the 26th August 2011 at the end of my parents & sisters holiday we got married at the age of 28 and 29 after knowing each other for 11 years and me having lived in the UK for 8 years. It was great, my immediate family, his and some of his relatives, followed by really close friends. My sister was my bridesmaid and he had his best mate as his best man.

Took forever yes, but at least it was done right, right for us.

Mrs_Ryan

Just read this thread - aahhhh I've got tears in my eyes!! (I'm on hormone medication at the minute and feeling a little sorry for myself!) - think Im going to be waiting forever for a proposal thats not going to come and it doesnt help that my mum keeps pointing out that I'm 31 and I'm still not married - er hello as if I didnt feel enough of a failure?!

We've been together five years (as of four days ago!) have made it clear I want to get married but he just pulls faces! His stepbrother (who always vowed he would never get married) married his long-term girlfriend in the summer of this year and OH looked very, very uncomfortable... I think he realises that his stepbrother is grown up and mature enough to declare in public how much he loves his girlfriend by marrying her and when I pointed out to him later that I see all my friends etc getting married and I feel unloved and left on the shelf he went mad and said he does love me so why do I keep doubting him??
Saying that he did buy me a present for our anniversary this year (the first anniversary present I've had off him!!) I'm going to ask him next year as last leap year he turned me down saying it was too soon but it will be nearly 5 and a half years next year so if he gives me that excuse again I will not be amused! He proposed to his ex three times which is what is annoying me even more - I've been engaged three times before (first one after 2 weeks, I was only 16 tho second time was after about a year and a half and third one after 2 weeks so maybe I'm just too impatient...:D)

StarSquishy

I'm not holding much hope for a proposal myself in the near future. Been with my OH for 2 years and I just know we are forever. We have openly talked about weddings etc and he has teased me about 2013, but I doubt it'll be then.
More recently we have decided to buy a house together. So in the next year to year and a half we'll be saving for the house, and after that we'll save for a wedding I guess.
So many of my freinds from school have got married and on babies numbers 2 and 3.

One day it'll happen to me.......

verandi

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

... it doesnt help that my mum keeps pointing out that I'm 31 and I'm still not married - er hello as if I didnt feel enough of a failure?!

That's how I feel too, a failure. Daft isn't it! But you can't help it if that's how it makes you feel.

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

He proposed to his ex three times which is what is annoying me even more

Ouch! I think that would really get to me if it was me. Can see why that would upset you.

jtr2803

OMG, Verandi & Mrs Ryan, I am so glad someone else said that. It's exactly how I feel, when I hear of someone getting engaged who has been together less time than we have I just keep thinking that they must love their girlfriends more than my boyfriend loves me...I know it's irrational and probably not true at all but I just can't help it. I just feel like I am not good enough. I'm on a countdown to 30 now and am really at that stage in my life where I want to know these things are imminent!

Mrs Ryan...I'm the one who has been proposed to twice already so am the other side of the coin, I think well I can't be that bad if other people proposed so why can't you?

I've realised though that marriage isn't the only thing my other half digs his heels in about......he avoids any sort of responsibility because he can't stand the stress of it. He hates the thought of having a big mortgage hanging over him, hates the thought of putting me through childbirth, he just wants a nice easy life..............well wouldn't we all! :rotfl:

jtr2803

Continualdiamond...it sounds like you had a lovely day :beer:

Mrs_Ryan

thanks jtr and verandi.

He does keep saying he loves me but he just doesnt seem to want to show it! I dont think its the fear of me saying no (as he knows I wouldnt) but I just keep thinking he doesnt love me enough. I once read somewhere that if he's asked someone before but wont ask you then you're not the one for him... I firmly believe that in my case. He's said he just wants to live with me forever but I've firmly told him no - thats not happening. Sadly i think that I can see us breaking up over this - I have told him several times before that I want to settle down etc and he's refused to entertain the prospect - in frustration I've said whats the point in me staying then? To which he's begged me not to leave and said he will marry me but I've said he has to want to do it for the right reasons not just to stop me leaving.
When his brother got engaged I cried, he comforted me but I felt like screaming at him you're the only person who can put this right! We had a massive row at his stepsister's wedding about his lack of commitment and I said I didnt want to go to his brother's wedding for this reason - it just hurt when someone made the 'oh you're next' quip and he said 'no I'm never getting married.' I snuck off and rung my mum, ended up in tears. I was stone cold sober and didnt want to get into a row so when I went back and it was clear I had been crying I just made some excuse that my dad (who had just come out of hospital and was still poorly) was having a bad day and was worried about him... its pointless trying to talk to him as we just end up rowing!
I would love to marry him but I feel second best to his ex (who was a right nasty piece of work - this is my main bugbear, he loved her enough to propose clearly and she treated him like dirt, I treat him properly and look what I get!!)

jtr2803

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

thanks jtr and verandi.

He does keep saying he loves me but he just doesnt seem to want to show it! I dont think its the fear of me saying no (as he knows I wouldnt) but I just keep thinking he doesnt love me enough. I once read somewhere that if he's asked someone before but wont ask you then you're not the one for him... I firmly believe that in my case. He's said he just wants to live with me forever but I've firmly told him no - thats not happening. Sadly i think that I can see us breaking up over this - I have told him several times before that I want to settle down etc and he's refused to entertain the prospect - in frustration I've said whats the point in me staying then? To which he's begged me not to leave and said he will marry me but I've said he has to want to do it for the right reasons not just to stop me leaving.
When his brother got engaged I cried, he comforted me but I felt like screaming at him you're the only person who can put this right! We had a massive row at his stepsister's wedding about his lack of commitment and I said I didnt want to go to his brother's wedding for this reason - it just hurt when someone made the 'oh you're next' quip and he said 'no I'm never getting married.' I snuck off and rung my mum, ended up in tears. I was stone cold sober and didnt want to get into a row so when I went back and it was clear I had been crying I just made some excuse that my dad (who had just come out of hospital and was still poorly) was having a bad day and was worried about him... its pointless trying to talk to him as we just end up rowing!
I would love to marry him but I feel second best to his ex (who was a right nasty piece of work - this is my main bugbear, he loved her enough to propose clearly and she treated him like dirt, I treat him properly and look what I get!!)

Oh hun, I really feel for you . I can see why you would consider ending the relationship as it really doesn't seem fair does it. At my bosses wedding this summer our head of finance told my other half that he was a lucky boy and asked when we were getting married.....my other half refused to say that it was him holding it up so he just went 'oh I don't know, what do you think dear?' and put the pressure onto me, I just snorted and walked off.

At the same wedding, we were talking to someone I used to work with and joking about how people always say it must be your turn next, the other girlfriend was pointing out that they had been together eight years and she was still waiting. I looked at my other half and said 'you know I won't wait that long!'...his response was to annouce that he was with his ex for almost 7 years and they never got engaged, I just wished the ground would swallow me up, I don't see what their relationship has got to do with ours?!

I try not to think about it much but I can't stop myself. I have good days most of the time but when I get a bad one it really sucks.