Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

Whoop

I was never that bothered about it before as we both said we wanted to buy a house together first and this has been our focus for the last 3 years. Now we have a house all I can think about is getting married. We have spoken about marriage and he has even commented on people getting married very quickly but we have nearly been together 6 years. When will it be my turn?

cloverfan

I really do understand where your coming from. We have a house together and we are having a baby. I thought he would propose when I got pregnant but still nothing. He also says things that build my hopes up but I think he's actually just stringing me along. Mines made worse by the fact that he proposed to his last two girlfriends the last one he was actually begging her to marry him ( he told me about one proposal to her nice meal huge ring etc.... And then I saw messages on his FB begging her) think he asked her several times. So what's wrong with me? And today I'm so wound up I just keep thinking even if he did ask I'd say no now as he obviously doesn't really want to even though it's what I really want. And I'm angry at him about it so keep snapping at him and he doesn't even know why. So upset about it all.

Whoop

It is so frustrating. I don't want a big wedding or anything like that. I would quite happily elope. All I want is to be his wife. Men really are a different species aren't they! Congratulations on your pregnancy

Buzzybee90

cloverfan wrote: »

I really do understand where your coming from. We have a house together and we are having a baby. I thought he would propose when I got pregnant but still nothing. He also says things that build my hopes up but I think he's actually just stringing me along. Mines made worse by the fact that he proposed to his last two girlfriends the last one he was actually begging her to marry him ( he told me about one proposal to her nice meal huge ring etc.... And then I saw messages on his FB begging her) think he asked her several times. So what's wrong with me? And today I'm so wound up I just keep thinking even if he did ask I'd say no now as he obviously doesn't really want to even though it's what I really want. And I'm angry at him about it so keep snapping at him and he doesn't even know why. So upset about it all.

He was obviously pretty proposal snappy in the past (I don't actually know anyone that got engaged and then didn't marry!) so maybe is taking a different approach in your relationship.

jojo-baby

Whoop wrote: »

Had a bit of a bad day yesterday. Went to my cousins engagement party. They have been together for just over a year and it was the second time most of us had met him. Everyone was going on about how lovely it is to finally have a family wedding to look forward to. I hate feeling so jealous.

oh Whoop, take a little confort that the ladies on here understnad how you feel! sometimes i really feel that men just dont get us.

yesterday again BF and i were talking about future, a friend of his said that she wanted to have babies by 30, i said, yeah i am the same, then he said but its your 29th birthday this year (yep he can count at least) and in a year and a bit you will be 30, so i said well around 30 then.
and before the babies there needs to be wedding, i really dont think he has done the maths on this one, he seems to be more panieky about a wedding than babies, but cant seem to get head around the idea that weddings and getting pregnant both take time!
ahhhhh
silly man!

jojo-baby

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

He was obviously pretty proposal snappy in the past (I don't actually know anyone that got engaged and then didn't marry!) so maybe is taking a different approach in your relationship.

i think buzzybee might be right, maybe he thinks he got it wrong before and moved too fast..... and so now is moving more slowly.
doesnt make it any easier for you i know whoops!

Anatidaephobia

cloverfan wrote: »

Mines made worse by the fact that he proposed to his last two girlfriends the last one he was actually begging her to marry him ( he told me about one proposal to her nice meal huge ring etc.... And then I saw messages on his FB begging her) think he asked her several times. So what's wrong with me? And today I'm so wound up I just keep thinking even if he did ask I'd say no now as he obviously doesn't really want to even though it's what I really want. And I'm angry at him about it so keep snapping at him and he doesn't even know why. So upset about it all.

I didn't understand my partner's behaviour either. We have talked about our future many times and always knew we'd get married but we talked about it in more depth than normal around Christmas and I thought that was us engaged but he wanted to do the "official proposal". After that, he did the whole dropping hint thing/talking about weddings/commenting on others engagements/& generally acting like we'd be getting engaged any day now. There were even big hints that it was going to happen on several important dates but it never did.

I kept trying to talk about it (which probably stressed him out) but eventually he explained that even though I've told him I'm not that bothered about the proposal, it's important to him because he's built it up in his head for so long that it's become this magical thing that has to be perfect and it's putting so much pressure on him to get it 'right'. It turned out he had been 'trying' to propose for ages but always felt like the moment wasn't good enough because his expectations of himself/the moment were ridiculously high.

It took a lot of talking for me to try and get him to realise that it won't be perfect because nothing's perfect and if he's waiting for the perfect moment to appear then we'll be waiting for a long time, but the important thing is that he asks because the moment he asks, that is what will make the moment meaningful to both of us.

As it happens, he did ask a few weeks ago in our spare bedroom

I just feel really fortunate that he finally did it because I can easily imagine that if he hadn't, it would've dragged on forever. I don't know if this is helpful to anyone (and obviously I know that everyone is different - this is just my story) but I know that my partner needed that light bulb moment that made him realise he should stop messing about and fussing about perfection and just get on with it. Before then, he wasn't really talking to ANYBODY about this because he was trying to keep it a secret until afterwards so we could announce our engagement together but that just added to the pressure he felt and made him feel like he was struggling with it alone. He needed a friend/father/brother/someone to talk to and give him a bit of a reality check.

burnoutbabe

my Oh was the same, asked in a quiet moment and then I organised the "big romantic weekend away" where we just made it official to the world. I am the planning one, not him!

heartbreak_star

Snuggled up, and he tells me he wants to keep me around for always...all I could think was "so marry me then you crazy loon"

Thought you guys might like that

HBS x

jojo-baby

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Snuggled up, and he tells me he wants to keep me around for always...all I could think was "so marry me then you crazy loon"

Thought you guys might like that

HBS x

Ahhh HBS it did make me smile. You have a man who clearly loves you and wants to be with you forever, that itself is something to cherish.