Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jojo-baby

Whoop wrote: »

Another person at work is now engaged. That's number 4 so far this year and they have all been together for a less amount of time than my OH and I. I've never ever been the jealous type but this sucks!

:EasterBun:grouphug:
Whoops chocolate and dodgy hug for you!

FBaby

(not true - his parents gave him £10K when they sold their house as an early inheritance - and they specifically told him it was for a wedding so I think they are getting impatient too!)

Personally his response would have left me uneasy on the basis of the above and couldn't have helped brining it up. It seems very black or white if the money was indeed left with the label of 'for a wedding', so either he is using not having the money as an excuse, or he is planning to use the money for something else, which in both cases, considering you are in a long term committed relationship, he should be talking to you about.

hieveryone

Any ideas on how to calm myself down about this?

Lately I have found myself getting more and more wound up by ANYTHING to do with engagements, babies, weddings etc.

I am biting OH's head off at the slightest thing and getting myself in a right state.

On one hand, I KNOW he wants to make it a surprise, get the right moment etc.

But on the other hand, I am getting bl00dy angry that I have waited this LONG and he still hasn't. Lots of perfect moments on holidays etc and nothing. I feel totally resentful that I cook, clean, iron, tidy, keep house etc. and not get this one thing back that I want. (Which, ironically, I know is a really stupid reason).

I KNOW that if I nagged him to the point that he asked me, I'd then feel rubbish that I didn't get a 'proper' proposal, and always have doubts whether he really wanted to, or wanted to shut me up.

On the other hand, I also feel the risk that if I DO shut up about it, he'll think he's won a watch and can put it to the back of his mind once more, and I might still be here in a years time.... argh!!

Any thoughts ladies?

74jax

hieveryone wrote: »

. I feel totally resentful that I cook, clean, iron, tidy, keep house etc. and not get this one thing back that I want. (Which, ironically, I know is a really stupid reason).



Any thoughts ladies?

Are you happy doing this, if you got your proposal and married is this enough to keep you doing everything forever?


If you feel resentful, then share everything, don't do it all, just to get asked to be married. If you share it then the resentment Will go and you may be will feel better waiting until he asks.

hieveryone

I maybe didn't explain fully in my last post.

OH works away a lot and so I am in 'control' of the house while he is working. It is getting to the point that I feel like his personal cleaner, housekeeper and generally being taken for a bit of a ride.

I have told him so many times about how I feel. I get upset if I hear of someone getting engaged who have been together less time than us.

He says he wants it I be a surprise. I guess part of me thinks that if I 'leave him to it' he might not do it?

burnoutbabe

Do you want it "to be a surprise"? Or would you prefer to say "what about we go away to "romantic place of significance to us" an get engaged?"

Also, its not a surprise is it? you are expecting it to happen at every single relevant event.

hieveryone

I think at this point ANYTHING would be a blinking' surprise!! LOL

OH would never go for that suggestion. We went on holiday recently and coming to the end of the holiday I said to him 'you aren't going to ask me, are you?' to which he confirmed that no, he wasn't. In a way I could relax after that, but was still upset.

I wouldn't even mind a non-relevant event...washing the dishes...hanging out the washing... etc haha!!

cloverfan

Well I thought I'd pop on and give an update on how we are getting on. We went on our holiday and I really wasn't expecting him to propose even though I wanted him to. So the holiday really wasn't great as he didn't really seem to want to spend anytime with me. It was really hot and I found it difficult to cope with the heat so he would pop off to get things for us but would take hours. So after about 4 days we arranged to go for a meal with our friends who were also there and as we were leaving he says " oh I don't think I'll bother I'm going to get a take away or something and then come back to hotel" by this point I decided it would be in my best interest (not really just annoyed at myself) to unleash the hormones and cry and shout a lot and tell him I want him to buy me a flight home as all I wanted to do was spend some time with him. We ended up arguing and it all came out that he was planning on proposing and had been running around trying to find a ring as he thought it would mean more coming from the country we were going to get engaged in and he wanted to go out on his own so he could speak to the English doormen to get some help on jewellers. . Then he said I could forget about it now as I've spoilt the surprise. Needless to say I was gutted.

We have been home for a couple of weeks and no proposal but he has been making enquiries about if we would be able to marry in a church as I am divorced and told me we need to knuckle down and get saving as we are going to have a wedding to pay for.

Whoop

Had a bit of a bad day yesterday. Went to my cousins engagement party. They have been together for just over a year and it was the second time most of us had met him. Everyone was going on about how lovely it is to finally have a family wedding to look forward to. I hate feeling so jealous.

cloverfan

Whoop wrote: »

Had a bit of a bad day yesterday. Went to my cousins engagement party. They have been together for just over a year and it was the second time most of us had met him. Everyone was going on about how lovely it is to finally have a family wedding to look forward to. I hate feeling so jealous.

Awww whoop I feel so bad for you. Could you take any comfort from the fact that your not alone feeling like this as I too am having a really bad day about this?? My OH started a new job last week and said well now we can save more and get married next year so when I asked him when next year he just changed the subject. And yesterday one of his friends got married and he kept mentioning it all day. Really feeling like I'm just not good enough for him to marry today.