Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jojo-baby

Sophie8 wrote: »

Congrats jojo-baby! i wish you the best marriage ever :beer: and you've got time to properly plan for the wedding as well, now that you know an estimated date :T

he meant proposal will be before 2016, not the wedding necessarily!!! so im still waiting and no planning....:(

jojo-baby

cloverfan wrote: »

My OH and I have talked about the future and have said we would like to get married at some point. He is well aware I would marry him tomorrow if I could lol. Anyway the other day he wanted to watch don't tell the bride as I had told him it was local to us. One thing led to another and we started talking about when we might get married and he chose a year that would coincide with a family members 18th so they could go on his stag. Having got him to agree to a year I didn't want to push my luck so we left it at that. The next day (after spending hours reading this thread!) I messaged him at work and said was thinking about the year you said and what do you think of this date??? He didn't reply. When he came home he put a episode of don't tell the bride on whilst we are our dinner. Half way through he says "so day month year then eh?" So I said yes what do you think? And he said "maybe". So I thought I would try my luck and said" next week after we have been to XXXXX appointment we could go ring shopping?" He laughed and said oh we could could we? Now nothing's been mentioned again and in a way I kind of wished he had said no because then I wouldn't have this little (ok maybe huge) bit of hope that because he didn't say no that maybe we can??

Oh my days I sound absolutely psychotic xx

dont worry cloverfan, this is a safe place to sound psycotic, we dont judge.....
exciting news, fingers crossed for you!

hieveryone

cloverfan wrote: »

My OH and I have talked about the future and have said we would like to get married at some point. He is well aware I would marry him tomorrow if I could lol. Anyway the other day he wanted to watch don't tell the bride as I had told him it was local to us. One thing led to another and we started talking about when we might get married and he chose a year that would coincide with a family members 18th so they could go on his stag. Having got him to agree to a year I didn't want to push my luck so we left it at that. The next day (after spending hours reading this thread!) I messaged him at work and said was thinking about the year you said and what do you think of this date??? He didn't reply. When he came home he put a episode of don't tell the bride on whilst we are our dinner. Half way through he says "so day month year then eh?" So I said yes what do you think? And he said "maybe". So I thought I would try my luck and said" next week after we have been to XXXXX appointment we could go ring shopping?" He laughed and said oh we could could we? Now nothing's been mentioned again and in a way I kind of wished he had said no because then I wouldn't have this little (ok maybe huge) bit of hope that because he didn't say no that maybe we can??

Oh my days I sound absolutely psychotic xx

Sometimes I sit and think to myself, 'am I being a psycho??' :rotfl:

But then I think, no, I am NOT. I gave up a lot to move here to be with my OH, I have lived with him for over 2 years. Yes, we've had our ups and downs but we're two peas in a pod.

I'm getting to the point where I am thinking 'can he still be holding out for a better offer or is it just that he's getting the milk for free now??'. Either way I'll have a terrible decision on my hands if I get to my 'deadline' and nothing has happened. :eek:

Andy_89

Now I may get absolutely shot down in flames, and this is most likely the wrong thread for this viewpoint.

I completely understand why people want to get married, it's something I have always believed in, and am fortunate that the boss wants the same.

But;

What if you ladies/chaps set a deadline and it passes, would you leave your OH? If mine didn't want to get married, I would be perfectly fine with that. I couldn't force myself to issue an ultimatum, however desparate I was to marry her.

I am with her because I love her to the extent where I worship the hair she leaves down the plughole, that is something I couldn't throw away because she wouldn't want to get married.

cloverfan

Hi andy personally at this moment I would say no I wouldn't leave him. But it is really important to me and it would be easier if he didn't say things to make me think it will definitely happen. And I know this is silly and I shouldn't compare but knowing that he proposed to his ex twice that I know of makes me feel less important to him than she was.

Last night he said after our appointment next week did I want to go and visit a family member so in a joking way I said what about our ring shopping? And he said he can't afford a ring. I laughed and said of course you can there are some lovely rings out there for £50 ish and he said I'm not a cheap skate to which I replied it's not about how much it's about what it means. This morning I have got up and he was on eBay bidding on a car??? Therefore it's not that he can't afford one just that he doesn't want to buy me one. If he said he couldn't afford a ring or even if he didn't want to buy me one but that we could be engaged and get married that would be good enough for me. I love this man with all my heart

cloverfan

Thank you for the welcome jojo-baby and hieveryone xx

Andy_89

cloverfan wrote: »

Hi andy personally at this moment I would say no I wouldn't leave him. But it is really important to me and it would be easier if he didn't say things to make me think it will definitely happen. And I know this is silly and I shouldn't compare but knowing that he proposed to his ex twice that I know of makes me feel less important to him than she was.

Last night he said after our appointment next week did I want to go and visit a family member so in a joking way I said what about our ring shopping? And he said he can't afford a ring. I laughed and said of course you can there are some lovely rings out there for £50 ish and he said I'm not a cheap skate to which I replied it's not about how much it's about what it means. This morning I have got up and he was on eBay bidding on a car??? Therefore it's not that he can't afford one just that he doesn't want to buy me one. If he said he couldn't afford a ring or even if he didn't want to buy me one but that we could be engaged and get married that would be good enough for me. I love this man with all my heart

Of course each scenario is unique, in your situation I completely understand the desire to be physically shown that you are more important than his ex.

I was maybe too generaly with my statement, and didn't consider the surrounding factors that have not affected my situation.

hieveryone

Andy_89 wrote: »

Now I may get absolutely shot down in flames, and this is most likely the wrong thread for this viewpoint.

I completely understand why people want to get married, it's something I have always believed in, and am fortunate that the boss wants the same.

But;

What if you ladies/chaps set a deadline and it passes, would you leave your OH? If mine didn't want to get married, I would be perfectly fine with that. I couldn't force myself to issue an ultimatum, however desparate I was to marry her.

I am with her because I love her to the extent where I worship the hair she leaves down the plughole, that is something I couldn't throw away because she wouldn't want to get married.

I've thought long and hard about this (believe me!!) and I think, ultimately, yes I would leave my OH.

That may come across as harsh which is fair enough, but here's my justification.

At no point when we got together did my OH say he didn't want to get married. Infact, we've 'joked' about it lots, and he will happily discuss where he would like to go on his stag, where he would book for honeymoon etc.

My OH knows the importance of getting married to me. I would also like to be married before (if) I have any children.

We have been together now for 3.5 years. Surely at this point we are passed the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' stage?

My 'deadline' will see us get to 4 years together. I think that is a perfectly reasonable expectation for someone to commit to you. Yes, you may say my OH is 'not ready' - but what is the guarantee that he will ever be, and WHY should I wait around any longer than 4 years?? Isn't that what marriage is all about - compromise?

He may not be ready, but surely if you love someone you should compromise because you know it is what they want from the relationship. If my OH continues to refuse to take the relationship down this path, then I personally see it as disrespectful towards me.

Other times I think to myself what is the point in marriage anyway and I should be happy as we are, but you can't help what you believe in, and this is just something I really want. I don't even want the 'big' wedding - I'd quite happy pop down the registry office - HE'S the one who balked when I said that!!

That turned into a bit of a rant - my apologies!

Andy_89

hieveryone wrote: »

I've thought long and hard about this (believe me!!) and I think, ultimately, yes I would leave my OH.

That may come across as harsh which is fair enough, but here's my justification.

At no point when we got together did my OH say he didn't want to get married. Infact, we've 'joked' about it lots, and he will happily discuss where he would like to go on his stag, where he would book for honeymoon etc.

My OH knows the importance of getting married to me. I would also like to be married before (if) I have any children.

We have been together now for 3.5 years. Surely at this point we are passed the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' stage?

My 'deadline' will see us get to 4 years together. I think that is a perfectly reasonable expectation for someone to commit to you. Yes, you may say my OH is 'not ready' - but what is the guarantee that he will ever be, and WHY should I wait around any longer than 4 years?? Isn't that what marriage is all about - compromise?

He may not be ready, but surely if you love someone you should compromise because you know it is what they want from the relationship. If my OH continues to refuse to take the relationship down this path, then I personally see it as disrespectful towards me.

Other times I think to myself what is the point in marriage anyway and I should be happy as we are, but you can't help what you believe in, and this is just something I really want. I don't even want the 'big' wedding - I'd quite happy pop down the registry office - HE'S the one who balked when I said that!!

That turned into a bit of a rant - my apologies!

I proposed at 3.5 years so I think that timing is perfectly acceptable to propose. I would suggest the relationship is about compromise rather than the marriage itself.

On the flip side, can you name area's where you have compromised for him? I am not suggesting you haven't I just know my OH knows that I play and watch football religiously there are about another 160 hours in the week whereby we can do something together.

hieveryone

Andy_89 wrote: »

I proposed at 3.5 years so I think that timing is perfectly acceptable to propose. I would suggest the relationship is about compromise rather than the marriage itself.

On the flip side, can you name area's where you have compromised for him? I am not suggesting you haven't I just know my OH knows that I play and watch football religiously there are about another 160 hours in the week whereby we can do something together.

I think it is acceptable too, I would have just preferred it a little sooner :rotfl:

I have compromised lots for the sake of 'us'. I gave up an amazing opportunity of working abroad, moved 50 miles away from friends and family to live with him, have supported his career choices (and recently a very big career move where he is away for 2-3 weeks at a time), I 'allow' him (that sounds awful! didn't know how else to write it! :rotfl:) his football/golf/rugby/cricket/generic sport on the TV 24/7 when he is home, as well as playing golf 2-3 times a week.