Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

KnightSmile

I have read this thread with fascination and amazement.(I'm a man).

It sounds like a lot of you really torture yourselves with 'will he/won't he'.

A male work colleague gets stick every time he goes on holiday/short break/valentines etc about whether he will propose to his long term girlfriend. so there is pressure on both sides.

I find it mildly distressing that you ladies put yourself through all the agony!

Why not just have a open and honest discussion about something which makes you feel so bad and low?

Wouldn't you want your OH to confide in you if something was affecting him to this extent? Would you want him to suffer in silence? How would you feel if he didn't tell you that he was feeling really low, he felt he couldn't discuss it with you AND it was also something you could fix? (and by fix I dont mean propose on the spot, I mean give you a read-out on where he feels the relationship is at and his thoughts on marriage etc)

Wouldn't it be good to have a conversation where you were honest and told him that you feel that you ARE ready to get married and would like to know whether its a priority for him? You could reassure him by saying that you really dont care how a proposal is made, the price of a ring etc etc but whats important to you is that you want to commit to him and him to you. Don't you want him to know that you would love to be his wife one day and have a secure future together. (obviously this conversation would be padded out more and worded in a better way!)

Surely you should lay your cards on the table and just say it how it is and you are feel like marriage is a fundamental aspect of your future relationship if thats how you feel?

Don't worry, I will leave the thread now, as it feels like I've stumbled into the ladies loo or something by accident!

I really hope you all get what you truly want and I hope you all stop dropping silly hints and have an adult discussion about an important issue for you. I also hope you all stop taking false hope from presents/gifts and special trips/occasions and enjoy them for what they are rather than living with eternal disappointment.

All the best,

KS

heartbreak_star

Sophie8 wrote: »

Heartbreak_star any news there? I'm so excited for youuuu i agree with Georgiegirl256 i think your birthday gift is the ring *hurrayyy*

Nothing yet, apparently I have "another little gift" on it's way in the post

HBS x

purpleshoes_2

Sophie8 wrote: »

We became a couple exactly 14 months ago but we've been flirting for 3 and a half years so we know each other really well. We live together basically since our relationship started and we rented our first home this spring (we had a roommate before). He has been talking about marriage for almost 10 months now this is why i get so sentimental about this. Otherwise i wouldn't even bring up the subject untill we're together for 2 years... if you've read my posts you must realize that I'm not pushing or pressuring him into anything, on the contrary I'm making sure that it's his decision. He's been dangling a carrot for quite some time now. And we are living together and in quite good harmony, so there is no setback on the horizon. Not emotionally, not financially.
Even if he proposes on August we won't be getting married for another year so i guess we are not those most couples who get married between 12-18 months. But i appriciate your thoughtfulness, thank you.

Perhaps you need to ask him why hes dangling said carrot and not asking.

jojo-baby

Best friend just called me to tell me she is engaged.....
This lead to a talk with the BF, marriage is going to happen, he does not feel pressured and it will be before 29th Feb 2016!

purpleshoes_2

Sophie8 wrote: »

Maybe you should read my previous posts on this thread because i did ask and told about it here at length, i don't want to take up a huge space and waste anyones time reading through stuff they already read.

I've joined this thread because i felt a connection with the nice ladies here, who happen to be going through the same things as i am.

Its fine. I'll bow out of this thread too and leave you to it.

I just think there's more to life than being in a relationship and desperately waiting for a proposal, sitting crying and making yourself miserable, when you could be communicating with your partner.

If one person wants to get married and the other doesnt, maybe some people should be asking whether the relationship is the right one for them to be in.

cloverfan

Please can I join you ladies? Congratulations to you all on your engagements and marriages. I myself am still waiting and think I will probably be waiting for a very long time maybe forever.

hieveryone

I read this thread but don't think I've ever contributed.

I'm at that awkward age where friends are married, having babies etc. OH and I been together just over 3 years.

I've nagged, I've cried, I've ignored, yet I'm still waiting. At times I've thought to myself 'well if he asked now I'd say no just to spite him!' ha!

The 'latest' is that I have put down what some may see as an 'ultimatum' I've told him I'm not comfortable with getting to being together for 4 years without moving on (which is next April).

On another conversation I mentioned are we going to be going into next year without being committed? To which he replied no, so possibly by the end of the year.

We live together and have done since being together 6months, so 2.5 years. We have purchased a car together and looking to purchase a house. Not sure what his problem is! His mum did have to leave his dad for 3 months to convince him to marry her right enough... maybe it runs in the family.....

vroombroom

hieveryone wrote: »

I read this thread but don't think I've ever contributed.

I'm at that awkward age where friends are married, having babies etc. OH and I been together just over 3 years.

I've nagged, I've cried, I've ignored, yet I'm still waiting. At times I've thought to myself 'well if he asked now I'd say no just to spite him!' ha!

The 'latest' is that I have put down what some may see as an 'ultimatum' I've told him I'm not comfortable with getting to being together for 4 years without moving on (which is next April).

On another conversation I mentioned are we going to be going into next year without being committed? To which he replied no, so possibly by the end of the year.

We live together and have done since being together 6months, so 2.5 years. We have purchased a car together and looking to purchase a house. Not sure what his problem is! His mum did have to leave his dad for 3 months to convince him to marry her right enough... maybe it runs in the family.....

Buy your own ring and change your facebook status to engaged. This is what I threatened with my OH. He then bought me an engagement ring for my 30th :rotfl:no romantic proposal or anything x

hieveryone

vroombroom wrote: »

Buy your own ring and change your facebook status to engaged. This is what I threatened with my OH. He then bought me an engagement ring for my 30th :rotfl:no romantic proposal or anything x

:rotfl::rotfl: this might be the kick up the bum needed!! Not so keen on buying my own ring right enough... :rotfl:

It's my 30th next February. It does get seriously depressing when I think of what I have achieved in university, my career etc but can't seem to be 'successful' at a relationship

cloverfan

My OH and I have talked about the future and have said we would like to get married at some point. He is well aware I would marry him tomorrow if I could lol. Anyway the other day he wanted to watch don't tell the bride as I had told him it was local to us. One thing led to another and we started talking about when we might get married and he chose a year that would coincide with a family members 18th so they could go on his stag. Having got him to agree to a year I didn't want to push my luck so we left it at that. The next day (after spending hours reading this thread!) I messaged him at work and said was thinking about the year you said and what do you think of this date??? He didn't reply. When he came home he put a episode of don't tell the bride on whilst we are our dinner. Half way through he says "so day month year then eh?" So I said yes what do you think? And he said "maybe". So I thought I would try my luck and said" next week after we have been to XXXXX appointment we could go ring shopping?" He laughed and said oh we could could we? Now nothing's been mentioned again and in a way I kind of wished he had said no because then I wouldn't have this little (ok maybe huge) bit of hope that because he didn't say no that maybe we can??

Oh my days I sound absolutely psychotic xx