Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

lucky_charm_2

LEJC wrote: »

Absolutely your decision and good luck to you...but do you mind me asking if you are doing everything else traditionally too...ie do you already have children or a home together?

Im just curious if you just pick certain parts of "tradition" to follow then thats where there becomes less of an incentive to marry...

Please dont think im judging anyone it purely is out of curiousity that I wonder why the tradition of the man proposing is more important to you than seemingly other important or traditional factors

It could however be that men just mature at a slower rate than women and are much less decisive than the female sex!

OH and I don't live together yet mostly due to my job meaning I had to move across the country and his meaning he has to stay where he is, we spend a lot of time together on weekends at my or his parents houses though.

I have always said I want to be at least engaged before I'd move in together and OH has said in the past he wouldn't want to get engaged til we had lived together (to see if we work living together!!! I was so upset that he was implying he didn't know whether we worked yet when we'd been together so many years!) I think he has changed his mind on that though as he is keen for us to buy a house together once I can move back and he has talked about having kids soon- we both want that in the next 4ish years. I have always said I want a couple of years married and living together before we have a family though so I guess my feelings on 'waiting for a proposal' are partly feelings on running out of time to do all the things we want to!

lucky_charm_2

Turtle wrote: »

Yes it is the OPs wedding day today.

How lovely

FBaby

I do find it really interesting when a male ventures into the thread and says its tradition for a male to propose or hes waiting to save for a ring or he wants to pop the question in his time on his terms etc etc....as sometimes it makes me wonder if its a delay tactic or a way of saying well we live as a married couple why change it or even I just want it to be you and me means why spend all that money on a wedding!.....I'm really not trying to play devils advocate here but I do wonder if some men bowl along because they are happy as they are and dont want the resonsibility of a wife and all that might entail....or do you honestly think its about the fact that he genuinely is saving for the ring,because after hes saved for the ring its going to be saving for the wedding and then saving potentially for children or a better house or a new car or anything else that might prevent him from actually taking the plunge into unfamiliar territory.

I wondered about this for months and why it meant more and more that my OH would officially proposed. From his perspective, he was probably happy with the status of our relationship, especially as he had been married before and it went very wrong for him, starting from after they married (had been together for a few years before, living together etc...). However, I needed to know that he was totally committed to me, that I wasn't just fitting in the box to make his life complete, bringing in the companionship that was missing from his previous pleasant life. I don't know whether this was the case and he then realised that he wanted more, or that it was the case, but then realised that he could have that perfect relationship if I wasn't totally happy, or that he indeed always intended for us to be married, but that he just needed the 'right' time to do it.

In regards to whether it is good enough to mention the intention of getting married, I have been there. We did talk about marriage very early in our relationship, something that we would do one day. Then after 3 years, it became a 'something we will do next year'. We even got to the stage of agreeing the month...we talked about it relatively regularly, but he showed so little enthusiasm that I started very much doubting that he meant it. It got worse when time went by, opportunities missed, and the date getting closer and closer. From my perspective, there was no way I was going to start making arrangements towards this wedding unless he proposed officially as I needed to be absolutely certain that he was committed to it (rather than pressured into).

The proposal changed how we felt much more than we had anticipated. I still can't believe how over the moon I felt, and he said a few days later that he didn't think it would change things much for him, but that it really did and he loved it.

HeadAboveWater

FBaby wrote: »

The proposal changed how we felt much more than we had anticipated. I still can't believe how over the moon I felt, and he said a few days later that he didn't think it would change things much for him, but that it really did and he loved it.

I'm a blubbering mess now

wangdoodle

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

I'm a blubbering mess now

That makes two of us

tatabubbly

I can't wait.. I know its this year some time but I just want to know. He says he has picked a date and regardless of how much money he has to buy a ring, he will do it that day..

LEJC

tatabubbly wrote: »

I can't wait.. I know its this year some time but I just want to know. He says he has picked a date and regardless of how much money he has to buy a ring, he will do it that day..

Thats a great compromise at least you know its on the way but hopefully you will be surpried by when...hope youre not waiting too long

Only_a_ginger

Well...I think 'talking' about it on here has spurred me on....

I've found a nice ring, and at he top of my thoughts is proposing....it feels right.

It will make my girlfriend super happy and I want to be the reason for that.

Arrgghhh scary!

wangdoodle

Only_a_ginger wrote: »

Well...I think 'talking' about it on here has spurred me on....

I've found a nice ring, and at he top of my thoughts is proposing....it feels right.

It will make my girlfriend super happy and I want to be the reason for that.

Arrgghhh scary!

:beer:

Yessss! OMG! I'm so excited for you and your gf!
Do it do it do it!! :T

74jax

wangdoodle wrote: »

:beer:

Yessss! OMG! I'm so excited for you and your gf!
Do it do it do it!! :T

Then come tell us!