Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

wangdoodle

Only_a_ginger wrote: »

I'm not sure if being a man I'm allowed to post in here (or should be...)

But...two things...

1 - for you ladies who want an engagement and to be married, why don't you ask him? Is it jut because its not 'the norm'?

2 - my other half want to get married, she probably feels like some of the posts in here...I'm not really 'into it' I suppose, but have started thinking about it.
She has told me she would be happy doing it just the 2 of us, which would be my preferred option....but she kind of mentioned that to her mum recently and her mum didn't seem keen....should I care?:eek:

Pretty much, yes. Like Jessycat said, I think my OH would be upset if I asked. He'd want to "be the man!!"

Also, I don't think you should care what anyone except you and your GF thinks

tatabubbly wrote: »

My Hubby-to-be-one-day is saving hard at the moment for that important piece of jewellry. I've told him I don't care if its from argos but he says he wants to do it "right"..

I only know this cos all the money goes in and outta my accounts Bless him!

This times a million! We don't have a lot of money right now and it'd be silly to buy an expensive ring. knowing me I'd pprobably lose it anyway! I also really like silver jewellery and don't understand why it's not as popular as platinum, which in my opinion looks less pretty and shiny.

Not that it matters what my prefernces in rings are. My OH told me the other day that he was "glad no-one wanted to marry me". I don't think he meant it to sound negative, I think he just meant that if someone else had married me he wouldn't be able to date me. The implication is that he doesn't really want to either though...:(

LEJC

I actually find this thread one of the most interesting on the board,because of the diversity and emotion that you all convey...and indeed the range of reasons that are given by the men as to why they wont or cant propose to their girlfriends.

I guess I come into this having been lucky enough not to have suffered any feelings of "wanting a proposal"...for me it happened very accidentally very early in our relatonship,so I cant say I know what it feels like but I can admit that if once I knew that I had found the right man,and he hadnt proposed to me then Yes I most certainly would have done the deed myself,tradition or not and I would have probably also dropped the largest of hints at every opportunity in oder to secure my wish!!!!

I do find it really interesting when a male ventures into the thread and says its tradition for a male to propose or hes waiting to save for a ring or he wants to pop the question in his time on his terms etc etc....as sometimes it makes me wonder if its a delay tactic or a way of saying well we live as a married couple why change it or even I just want it to be you and me means why spend all that money on a wedding!.....I'm really not trying to play devils advocate here but I do wonder if some men bowl along because they are happy as they are and dont want the resonsibility of a wife and all that might entail....or do you honestly think its about the fact that he genuinely is saving for the ring,because after hes saved for the ring its going to be saving for the wedding and then saving potentially for children or a better house or a new car or anything else that might prevent him from actually taking the plunge into unfamiliar territory.

I do have a friend who gave up on her proposal many years ago,only to get it on christmas morning last year presented in a box with a ring...but she waited 20 years for it...she hasnt hung around waiting for him to think about wedding plans ......shes not into long engagements and they marry in a couple of weeks time.
Several times over the course of thier relationship I often asked my friend why she never proposed to him and she always used to say...why rock the boat I'm happy and I love him.She also admitted that if she had got a rejection or an excuse it would possibly have made her question the longevity of their relationship and if she forced the question further then she openly admitted that she couldnt face "staring again" as it would probably have meant the end for them....so she waited for him to be ready to propose. She has however seemingly made a sacrifice in as much as in waiting for him to conform with tradition she also would not have contemplated children outside marriage,and now faces the possiblilty of hoping shes not left that dream too late.

heartbreak_star

I have been engaged before and I proposed then. It felt liked I pushed him into it.

This time I'd like to do things traditionally - OH is quite masculine and would probably like to do it his way

HBS x

LEJC

heartbreak_star wrote: »

This time I'd like to do things traditionally -

HBS x

Absolutely your decision and good luck to you...but do you mind me asking if you are doing everything else traditionally too...ie do you already have children or a home together?

Im just curious if you just pick certain parts of "tradition" to follow then thats where there becomes less of an incentive to marry...

Please dont think im judging anyone it purely is out of curiousity that I wonder why the tradition of the man proposing is more important to you than seemingly other important or traditional factors

It could however be that men just mature at a slower rate than women and are much less decisive than the female sex!

HeadAboveWater

LEJC wrote: »

It could however be that men just mature at a slower rate than women...

I'm 32 and OH is 10 years older than me. How much longer do I have to wait for him to reach maturity??

:rotfl::rotfl:

LEJC

Think he may have slipped into the bracket of "comfortably happy with his lot"then....or indeed he's indecisive!

wangdoodle

LEJC wrote: »

Absolutely your decision and good luck to you...but do you mind me asking if you are doing everything else traditionally too...ie do you already have children or a home together?

Im just curious if you just pick certain parts of "tradition" to follow then thats where there becomes less of an incentive to marry...

Please dont think im judging anyone it purely is out of curiousity that I wonder why the tradition of the man proposing is more important to you than seemingly other important or traditional factors

It could however be that men just mature at a slower rate than women and are much less decisive than the female sex!

This is an interesting point you raise. I have previously moved in with a partner, even though I would have preferred to wait and do it the more traditional way. I thought a proposal would be the logical next step and, being a pragmatic sort, I thought it wise to see how we got on living together before making a lifetime commitment. Of course, it didn't happen like that, he just got to have his cake and eat it!

With my current OH I have dug my heels in and resisted moving in together up to now for this reason. However, I have recently agreed that we can move in to a rented house, but I made it clear this was not an end point for me!

I just feel so frustrated. I want to move things forward, but I'm having to compromise on what I want to do this and I'm scared things will turn out the way they did before and we'll just move in and stagnate. I want to have kids and buy a house but I'm getting on a bit and I feel like I'm way too old to still be living in a house share and waitig, waiting, waiting...:o

74jax

LEJC wrote: »

Absolutely your decision and good luck to you...but do you mind me asking if you are doing everything else traditionally too...ie do you already have children or a home together?

It's a really interesting topic (well I think so, having posted many a post on it :rotfl:)

I asked my OH - obviously not very traditional - but he said no and the reason was because after 6 years we still didn't live together and how did we know we would be able too. Yet I wouldn't live together if we weren't married - how VERY traditional :eek:

So I guess I'm in the semi traditional boat (if there is one:rotfl:).

Only_a_ginger

Thanks for the warm welcome J

Just to clarify, I wasn’t meaning to sound like I was ‘having a go’ or being mean or anything, I genuinely am curious and find the woman’s perspective quite interesting.

I think it’s mainly stemmed from my mother saying she felt sorry for my girlfriend because I don’t want to get married. Bit harsh!

I think I’ve mentioned this in another post a while ago but the main thing that puts me off is the whole being the centre of attention bit, I’m not into that, and I’m also pretty tight.

I’m starting to think that, I know it would make the GF really, really happy, and it isn’t going to really affect me or make me any worse off….so lets do it!

If she asked me, I would say yes, as it would make her happy…but think she is like a lot of you and wants it done ‘properly’…

I don’t know if I want to propose, could I just say ‘lets go get married?’ or doesn’t it work like that… :P

HeadAboveWater

Only_a_ginger wrote: »

I don’t know if I want to propose, could I just say ‘lets go get married?’ or doesn’t it work like that… :P

I dunno how it 'works' as such, but if OH said to me 'lets go get married' I'd be dragging him to the car!! :rotfl:

If OH asked I'd be absolutely over the moon, regardless of where we were or how he asked.

But that's just me - I know a lot of others would disagree.

You will know what's 'right' for you both