Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jtr2803

HBS, I know how you feel, I really was that person when I started this thread all that time ago. I needed to write it all down and just know that I wasn't the only person who felt that way because I really felt like I was.

I knew it was irrational to be upset over other peoples engagements but our hearts rule our heads sometimes, especially if the other couple has been together less time, or are quite a few years younger!

We get married in 6 days time now and if I had not of spelled out how I felt and that to not have that commitment would ultimately cause the end of our relationship then I'd still be waiting and he would still be procrastinating over proposing. I'm not one to say, bide your time, it will happen when it's mean to and all that, I'm more likely to say...if it's what you want and you feel you have waited long enough then it's time to take matters into your own hands and at least find out where it sits in his life plan with you.

I hope it all works out xx

lucky_charm_2

HBS I know how you feel... My 8th anniversary is coming up at the end of the month and my oh had the cheek to say 'well it's not a real anniversary, we're not married' and I said 'it IS a real anniversary' while adding silently in my head 'and I'm not the one holding us back from having a 'proper' anniversary you know fine well!' His mum was there though and she diffused the situation but if we had been alone I would have been at a risk of really getting upset. It made me feel like be didn't want to celebrate us being together even though I know that's not what he meant

In other news there was a new 'I'm engaged!' Facebook post from a girl from school who has been together with her bf less than half the time my bf and I have been together. I'm trying not to let it get to me though as a) i know how lucky I am to have what i have and b) I know that some things are worth waiting for and I may as well try to enjoy the fact that I still have a lot of big exciting things in life to look forward to, like getting engaged, getting married, buying a house etc etc rather than just looking back on them. I think I would just like some kind of guarantee that these things will actually happen!

I am also thinking it would be sad if we waited too long as my gran and OH's grandparents are starting to get to the age where you have to appreciate the time you have with them and you don't know how long it will be. I would love to have my last remaining grandparent (my gran) who is also the one I was always closest to at my wedding and I don't want to just take it for granted that she will always be there as that's not the case. I mentioned it to OH and he just kind of said 'good point' but I don't think I lit up any spark in him to hurry up!

Sadly I'm becoming a little obsessed with ideas for what I would do if I got married as every time I talk to one of my engaged friends it sparks ideas. I was also looking at photos of my mum's wedding (she was younger at the time than I am now, how depressing!) and considering the possibility of using her dress which she has offered and I discovered Pinterest and ended up looking at loads of stuff but I need to keep checking myself and saying to myself 'you can't keep planning (even just in your head) an event which may never happen! Just stop thinking about it!' Aaargggh easier said than done!

I didn't even mean to say all that! All I meant to say was, HBS I know how you feel, it seems irrational to get upset when we are so lucky and to a lot of people it's not a big deal or its just a bit of paper but I know that it means so much more than that to me and I have cried over this too and felt stupid afterwards. I guess it's nice to know someone feels the same way, even though its not nice to feel this way, iyswim!

HeadAboveWater

Think a group hug is in order for all us un-engaged/married folk!!












Oh! Sorry!! Wrong pic...



:D:D

PS. lucky_charm: I'm also making a point of celebrating me and OHs 'anniversary' until such time as he gives me an official one to celebrate!!!

heartbreak_star

Ahh what a lovely pic!

Thanks for being so understanding everyone, I just wondered if I was being a stroppy brat. We don't even have a "getting together" anniversary as we just sort of drifted together and due to circumstances kept things under wraps for a while. Argh!

It breaks my heart that my father died young and never got to walk me down the aisle (don't like the term "giving away" haha) and my only close relative is my mum...and she's nearing 70 and I'd like at least one parent to see me wed.

I think I might have to talk to him about the future. Maybe when we've had a few drinks, lol.

HBS x

wangdoodle

Hello.:hello: I wondered if I could join you. I feel a bit crazy even being on here (no offence to you lovelies, you all seem so nice) but I don't have anyone I can talk to.

I have been in previous long term relationships where I waited patiently without even mentioning the issue. But after the heartbreaking realisation that it was never going to happen my feelings kind of ebbed away and I ended up leaving. Only then did he say he would marry me if that's what I wanted, to stop me from leaving. needless to say it was too little too late!

I am now terrified of that happening again, but I also don't want to feel that I am nagging or pushing my OH. I guess I feel it's a catch 22 situation and I could d with being in on a group hug

Turtle

I read the whole of this thread a few months ago and just reading the last few pages brought all those old feelings back of not being good enough etc and not really knowing why it was so important, but knowing that it was.

I just want to say if he's really the one for you then don't give up hope. Me and OH are getting married next month after 17.5 years together. I'm so happy and excited and so is he :T.

I really feel for all of you in this situation, the number of friends I saw getting engaged and married in a fraction of the time we'd been together was really upsetting so I know how you all feel.

Good luck ladies, I hope everything works out the way you want it to

lucky_charm_2

Thanks for the hugs HAW!


Wow Turtle 17.5 years! Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding

lucky_charm_2

wangdoodle wrote: »

Hello.:hello: I wondered if I could join you. I feel a bit crazy even being on here (no offence to you lovelies, you all seem so nice) but I don't have anyone I can talk to.

I have been in previous long term relationships where I waited patiently without even mentioning the issue. But after the heartbreaking realisation that it was never going to happen my feelings kind of ebbed away and I ended up leaving. Only then did he say he would marry me if that's what I wanted, to stop me from leaving. needless to say it was too little too late!

I am now terrified of that happening again, but I also don't want to feel that I am nagging or pushing my OH. I guess I feel it's a catch 22 situation and I could d with being in on a group hug

Don't worry I feel a bit crazy too lol. I'm super paranoid that someone I know from real life will identify me and think I'm a psycho! Don't have any advice on how to get to the place you want to be without pushing OH, I guess all you can do is make it clear that it's something you want and then wait til he's ready... But sometimes it feels like wait and wait and wait and I can't help adding some subtle and not-so-subtle hints now and again!

lucky_charm_2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Ahh what a lovely pic!

Thanks for being so understanding everyone, I just wondered if I was being a stroppy brat. We don't even have a "getting together" anniversary as we just sort of drifted together and due to circumstances kept things under wraps for a while. Argh!

It breaks my heart that my father died young and never got to walk me down the aisle (don't like the term "giving away" haha) and my only close relative is my mum...and she's nearing 70 and I'd like at least one parent to see me wed.

I think I might have to talk to him about the future. Maybe when we've had a few drinks, lol.

HBS x

So sorry to hear about your father. I think it's perfectly understandable that you want to have your mum at your wedding and that you have even more reason to want it to happen in the near future. If you do speak to your OH about it let us know how it goes- who knows maybe you are both on the same page!

FBaby

The hug pictures made me spit my coffee from laughing!

I just wanted to say for those whose partner appear to show a lack of interest in getting married that my fiance had a personality transplant in the process!

He went from showing no real interest about the whole thing, going on and on about how we would need to spend as little as possible, having not told one soul of our plans to marry, and very much seeming to feel under pressure, to when he finally decided that the time is right, become so enthusiastic about the whole thing, I even got to the point of wishing he would stop talking about it all the time!

I still can't believe how much one evening of proposing changed him so much. I expected that I would have to make most of the plans, encouraging to get involved, be the one to make the announcement, but it's been the absolute opposite. It is even him who insisted we got married this year when I suggested many waiting for next year! A friend told me that it probably all came down to the right time when he was absolutely ready and I think she was right.

So don't lose faith and don't read anything by him showing a lack of interest, he might be a 'whole or nothing' fiance to be too.