Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

Daisy-May*

verandi wrote: »

I tried broaching the subject in bed the other night, I was saying that once I've looked at them I'd probably get impatient and want one straight away but I said something like "but I wont be able to have one yet will I" and he said no.... Argh! So when, how long? Lol. If I knew it was gonna be within a month I'd be fine with it. Two at a push. But any longer than that and I think I would go mad.

I know that feeling!! :mad:
It was back in Jan when we put a deposit down on my ring (it had to be ordered as it was too big) and I even said to my OH last night in bed that there is no point in having an engagement ring if Im not allowed to wear it and that he had best hurry up and work out what he was doing because it just seems like a massive waste of money and effort right now.

He did respond quite truthfully and said I had a bit of a point about buying something so lovely and not being able to wear it:cool:

I know I probably come across as being pushy but we will be together 8 years this June and knowing I have a ring and he just needs to do just one b***dy thing it quite irritating if it was the other way round he wouldnt be a happy bunny!!

Anyway I do hope our OH's get there heads out of the sand soon I will keep my fingers really crossed for all of us waiting!

minerva_windsong

I found out earlier that the last unengaged couple in our friendship group (other than me and OH) are now engaged, and I'm ashamed to say it's really upset me. Of course I am happy for them - they're my friends after all - but part of me also feels really angry, in an 'it's not fair, they've been together for less time than we have, why is it their turn and not ours?!' I know that makes me sound like such a brat but with all the hints OH's been dropping about Malta - getting champagne when we get there, upgrading to hot tubs etc - I really felt like he was going to do it then, and now I just feel like there's a shadow cast over it because of being the last ones despite having been together longer than some of our friends who are getting married this year. I know it's because we were younger than them when we first got together but I just don't understand what's holding him back. It sounds like an awful thing to say and is probably just the anger talking but I feel like I don't want to do this round the world thing any more, because even though it would be awesome I feel like I'm having to 'give up' the wedding to do it.

*sigh* Oh, it was all going so well.

jtr2803

BugglyB wrote: »

Oh for the love of christ jtr, surely after the last holiday he realises the Maldives is make or break?!

Do you mind pming me his phone number so I can have a word! 'Look, mate, you don't know me...'

:rotfl:

You would think so wouldn't you but I honestly expect that whole conversation has just vanished from his head! :mad:

Even one of my work mates (who is also my best friend) said he was going to text my other half and tell him to get his backside in gear because OH should know I am headstrong, stubborn and likely to just wake up and walk away one day!

jtr2803

minerva_windsong wrote: »

I found out earlier that the last unengaged couple in our friendship group (other than me and OH) are now engaged, and I'm ashamed to say it's really upset me. Of course I am happy for them - they're my friends after all - but part of me also feels really angry, in an 'it's not fair, they've been together for less time than we have, why is it their turn and not ours?!' I know that makes me sound like such a brat but with all the hints OH's been dropping about Malta - getting champagne when we get there, upgrading to hot tubs etc - I really felt like he was going to do it then, and now I just feel like there's a shadow cast over it because of being the last ones despite having been together longer than some of our friends who are getting married this year. I know it's because we were younger than them when we first got together but I just don't understand what's holding him back. It sounds like an awful thing to say and is probably just the anger talking but I feel like I don't want to do this round the world thing any more, because even though it would be awesome I feel like I'm having to 'give up' the wedding to do it.

*sigh* Oh, it was all going so well.

I said almost the same thing word for word a few pages back (about feeling like it isn't fair). I think apart from the accounts trainee, I am the only one in a long term relationship who doesn't have some form of commitment, three years ago I was one of the only ones in a serious relationship! I think it is a good idea to take your time in some senses but how long is 'time'?! I don't think you are wrong for feeling the way you do, I know sometimes I feel ashamed of feeling like that and wishing I could be more enthusiastic about other peoples weddings but I can't, I know I am jealous but I admit it.

I really hope your OH does have some special plans for Malta, it would be a lovely way to pop the question.

It suddenly dawned on me that I will still be on this thread a year after I started it , I honestly never thought it would take that long. As much as I feel silly admitting it, Friday the 13th that just passed was the day I thought I would be getting married. I have a strange love of Friday 13th and when we first started having conversations about weddings that was one of the first dates that popped into my head.

I wonder how Eleanor is getting on?

minerva_windsong

Thanks JTR. I think it's just really knocked me for six because I thought I was OK about the not getting married thing and then this has shown me that I'm really not. Probably not helped by the fact that this is the couple who - and I know I shouldn't do this - I've held up by and large as the model of what my OH and I 'should' be (ie seeming very loved-up and like proper grown-ups, whereas for various slightly petty reasons I don't feel like OH and I are there yet). I know you can't compare your relationship to other people's and that everyone goes at their own pace, but I think it's playing back into my feelings of not being good enough and wanting to live up to people's expectations. In a childish way I'm considering not going to writers' group tonight (which this couple both go to) as I don't know if I'll be able to keep it together, but equally I can't start avoiding them...

OH knows I'm upset about something but I'm really reluctant to actually say what it is, again for fear of forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do because he thinks it will make me happy. I know that's a stupid way to think but I would honestly rather wait and know that it was his decision and he didn't feel pushed into it. It's just the not knowing what it is that's holding him back if it's not money or permanent jobs; I don't know if once he's got the travelling out of his system he'd want to settle down then, because other than that I can't think of anything holding him back other than it being something about me.

eleanor73

Hey everyone,

Not engaged. Got there on the Thurs and I just could tell (i don't know how) and after a few drinks on fri eve (our anniversary) I got upset and told him how I felt and we had a real talk about it. I mean EVERYTHING came out. I told him my frustrations and how hard it is. He said that it would be awful if we split up now as he has always known when he wants to do it (he said he didn't say april to my mate-not sure about that). he said to please just hold tight and trust him. Ring is either ordered or actually bought (I know this because I said if he is finding it difficult to choose one we could do it together and he said 'too late') and he is planning to speak to my Dad in 'the next couple of weeks'.

So there we go. I won't be finishing it at the end of April because I adore the bloke and even after this revelation we had the best weekend. We laugh so much and I am even getting to the point that I would hate life without him so much it would be ridiculous to finish it just because he hasn't done it in April. I WILL definitely have a different view if it doesn't happen soon.

One very exciting thing though (after the disappointment) is that he said that we can have the wedding a week after the engagement if I want (he was exaggerating and obv I don't want) but at least I am not looking at a long engagement - hopefully early next year!!

Thanks for your thoughts. I haven't had a chance to read your recent posts but just thought i'd let you know my lack of news!!!

minerva_windsong

Sorry to hear you didn't get engaged Eleanor, but glad that you managed to have a good talk. And yay for a short engagement!

AllyS

Daisy-May* wrote: »

I know that feeling!! :mad:
It was back in Jan when we put a deposit down on my ring (it had to be ordered as it was too big) and I even said to my OH last night in bed that there is no point in having an engagement ring if Im not allowed to wear it and that he had best hurry up and work out what he was doing because it just seems like a massive waste of money and effort right now.

QUOTE]

Patience of a saint!!! I have no idea what that must feel like.

jtr2803 wrote: »

Even one of my work mates (who is also my best friend) said he was going to text my other half and tell him to get his backside in gear because OH should know I am headstrong, stubborn and likely to just wake up and walk away one day!

Get him to just text him, pretend you have no knowledge

eleanor73 wrote: »

Hey everyone,

Not engaged. Got there on the Thurs and I just could tell (i don't know how) and after a few drinks on fri eve (our anniversary) I got upset and told him how I felt and we had a real talk about it. I mean EVERYTHING came out. I told him my frustrations and how hard it is. He said that it would be awful if we split up now as he has always known when he wants to do it (he said he didn't say april to my mate-not sure about that). he said to please just hold tight and trust him. Ring is either ordered or actually bought (I know this because I said if he is finding it difficult to choose one we could do it together and he said 'too late') and he is planning to speak to my Dad in 'the next couple of weeks'.

So there we go. I won't be finishing it at the end of April because I adore the bloke and even after this revelation we had the best weekend. We laugh so much and I am even getting to the point that I would hate life without him so much it would be ridiculous to finish it just because he hasn't done it in April. I WILL definitely have a different view if it doesn't happen soon.

One very exciting thing though (after the disappointment) is that he said that we can have the wedding a week after the engagement if I want (he was exaggerating and obv I don't want) but at least I am not looking at a long engagement - hopefully early next year!!

Thanks for your thoughts. I haven't had a chance to read your recent posts but just thought i'd let you know my lack of news!!!

So sorry the engagement didn't happen, but on the otherside, it does sound like you guys had an amazing time together. Fingers crossed for the short engagement.


Sigh - I just want to sya I really, really, really want to get married :mad: In spoilt girl voice - that is all :rotfl:

Hugs to everyone, feeling really low about the whole marriage thing today, really wish he would just get on with it. He knows I don't want to get married this or next (well I would, but we are trying for a baby and I don't want to be 6 months preggers ) so I am begrudgingly happy to wait, but a pretty ring on my finger would shut me up for a bit, why can't he just crack on with it :mad:

daisiegg

AllyS wrote: »

Daisy-May* wrote: »

I know that feeling!! :mad:
It was back in Jan when we put a deposit down on my ring (it had to be ordered as it was too big) and I even said to my OH last night in bed that there is no point in having an engagement ring if Im not allowed to wear it and that he had best hurry up and work out what he was doing because it just seems like a massive waste of money and effort right now.

QUOTE]

Patience of a saint!!! I have no idea what that must feel like.



Get him to just text him, pretend you have no knowledge




So sorry the engagement didn't happen, but on the otherside, it does sound like you guys had an amazing time together. Fingers crossed for the short engagement.


Sigh - I just want to sya I really, really, really want to get married :mad: In spoilt girl voice - that is all :rotfl:

Hugs to everyone, feeling really low about the whole marriage thing today, really wish he would just get on with it. He knows I don't want to get married this or next (well I would, but we are trying for a baby and I don't want to be 6 months preggers ) so I am begrudgingly happy to wait, but a pretty ring on my finger would shut me up for a bit, why can't he just crack on with it :mad:

AllyS this is totally out of curiosity and please tell me to shut up if it's none of my business - and I'm really not trying to be rude - but why are you trying for a baby before getting married when you want to get married so much? Surely in the eyes of a man a baby is a more scary, life-long commitment than marriage? Honestly not trying to be rude just interested!

AllyS

Don't worry I am not easily offended

Originally I said that I wanted to be married before we had a baby together, but also said I did not want to have a baby over the age of 35, this was 2 1/2 years ago, he said at the time oh that's fine in 2 years we will defintely be married.

Fast forward 2 years and he is just not ready at all to be married, I don't really understand it, because in my eyes baby is far more of a commitment. Anyway, I have compromised, mainly because I am the one that has an issue with being a mum later than 35, if I didn't want another baby (have 2 already, would have had a large family, but it didn't work out that way with ex) I would refuse to have a baby out of wedlock (I am very old fashioned :rotfl:) but I do really want to have a baby as much as he does.

I know I am going against my beliefs and wishes and trust me he knows too, but there is no other way and it is an easy compromise in my eyes, if only I was 4 years younger I could hold out for the marriage and be as stubborn as I normally am