Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jtr2803

Oh hun , I am sending you a million virtual hugs because that feeling is awful and might be how I was feeling when I was laying in bed the night of my birthday. I was SO annoyed because there just could never have been a more perfect moment. It's the being led on and lies that got to me more than the actual engagement.

If it hurts that bad, tell him.

74jax

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

Conversation 1
Him: (noticing I was upset) what's up?
Me: shrugs shoulders (international sign language for you haven't proposed yet!)
Him: you'll be much happier at the weekend.

Conversation 2
me: (responding to him doing a weird dance...don't ask!) You look like a monkey!
Him: Ohhh, well you want to marry a monkey!
Me: well I did want to marry you but after all this waiting I might change my mind...
Him: well looks like ill be on eBay this weekend then... (giggle)

jtr2803 wrote: »

It's the being led on and lies that got to me more than the actual engagement.

If it hurts that bad, tell him.

I can't believe from the conversation they had only last week that he didn't plan on doing it this weekend. If he really did just say that for no reason whatsoever then I am really sorry but I side (once again) with JTR. I can not believe he would say that and not go through with it. What's the point in lying about something like that.

My OH used to come out and say 'no I'm not ready, I'm not proposing' he never once said 'well wait till the weekend is out and we'll see'..........

I agree that if you are feeling really carp then you should tell him, if for no other reason than he doesn't put you through the hell you've been through this weekend ever again. ALTHOUGH.......... the day isn't out and I really really believe no man who loves someone would say what he said JUST LAST WEEK. SO..... I'm an old fashioned woman here and I'm gonna say hang fire till midnight.... somehow.

double_mummy

i agree with ajax

my OH just randomly did it in the front room before he picked the kids up from school he may just be psyching himself up or waiting for bedtime

squ1rrel5

He's definitely not....

He saw me wipe away some tears so had to tell him what was wrong..
I told him that I was upset, not because he hadnt proposed yet, but because of all the little teasers he's been given me. He actually seemed oblivious to everything he's said in the past week or so, and that made me feel like i've been going mad.
I also reminded him about the conversation we had about 6 weeks ago when he said as soon as he had the ring he'd ask, and he blatantly said he'd forgotten that he evensaid that.:mad:

I said that I was disappointed that he had missed 2 or 3 opportunities this weekend alone and he admitted that he HAD wanted to ask me at the zoo this morning but because it was tipping down with rain, it had put him off because he didnt think it would have been nice enough...!! I said if he is waiting for a beautiful sunny day he might as well not bother asking me because we might not get any....:eek:

I feel awful in a way because I know he wants it to be nice (he has flatly refused to do it in our house as he doesnt think its romantic enough) -
I asked if he could just answer truthfully one question... which was 'Is there something that you are planning, because if so, I will shut up and not mention it again, and wont be offended that you havent already asked... ?' His answer....'No I havent planned anything whatsoever, I was just kind of hoping a good moment would turn up...!!
To be honest, that just made me feel a million times worse... Not including this weekend, the last two weekends have been spent in the house, with no suggestions from him to go out somewhere nice, whether it be a day trip or just a nice meal - moments arent just going to happen unless you at least make some kind of effort!!!

And this weekend when we have gone to 2 or 3 really lovely places, (although the weather has been crap but I dont care about that and he knows it), did he not think to pick out a moment then???!! Gosh, he is frustrating me so much at the moment!!!!

He told me he'd given himself a deadline of 27th April (we are visiting some friends then and had visions of telling them first.... they are very close but we dont see them very often) but he had always envisaged doing it before then but there has not been a right time.... I told him the more he thought about it there would never be a right time unless he actually planned something and I think he realised that he could have been putting a bit more effort in... (considering the amount of planning and research he puts into buying the most simplest of things, such as a dvd or something for his car, im shocked that he has not thought about it more!!)

I've told him that I will let him have his deadline of 27th April but he best get a bit more organised and plan something and not just do something last minute for the sake of it on the 26th!!!

If nothing has happened on 27th, he can go and visit our friends on his own and explain why I am not there but instead sunning myself on a beach with my friends and some cocktails....... :rotfl:

74jax

squ1rrel5 I really have no idea what to say other than I'm feeling for you right now. I guess what any of us say doesn't matter anyway, we can't take away how you must be.

Does he have no idea of what he said during the week.........

squ1rrel5

He knows what he said, because like I said he was planning on asking at the zoo until the lovely British weather changed his mind!! I just dont think he realised how much his words had sank in with me, and that I had totally built my hopes up to this weekend more than I ever have before... he just thought i wouldnt have even noticed what he said and that a last minute change of plans wouldnt matter so much!! yeah right, does he even know me!!!!! :rotfl:

I dont think he'll say anything in the future without really thinking about it now!!!!

To be honest, there's no point in staying upset, I'll just grin and bear it for now and hope to god he's in planning mode as we speak!!!!!

74jax

squ1rrel5 wrote: »

To be honest, there's no point in staying upset, I'll just grin and bear it for now and hope to god he's in planning mode as we speak!!!!!

Very good attitude to have, although if he was going to ask at the Zoo and obviously took the ring (as that's what he was waiting for) initially, I'd maybe remind him to be extra careful when out and about as it's would be something that would easily be dropped.

MrsDrink

74jax wrote: »

I'd maybe remind him to be extra careful when out and about as it's would be something that would easily be dropped.

... unless it was safe on your finger
Squirrel - I think you've handled it all amazingly!! x

jtr2803

Squirrel, first of all I want to tell you how much I admire you for the way you have handled it, I let my emotions over run me and end up having outbursts rather than trying to be mature and look at the bigger picture

I wonder if your OH and mine are related? That's exactly the same sort of things mine does and says! When we spoke in January he said 'we haven't got anything special going on until Kenya' so there's me, being patient thinking that's what he was thinking, oh no, it never even crossed his mind, I mean !!!!!!?!?!!

Mine also doesn't remember all the little bits like 'why don't we go for 12/12/12?' then wonders why I get so upset that nothing happens, then he claims not to remember saying them...actually I am going to stop typing because it's making me angry again

I don't blame you for being a bit more forceful about it, I think you have been as patient as a saint so far. He never said he didn't have the ring though so you are most of the way there :T

Lancslass1982

I've been reading through this thread as I am in a bit of a situation with my OH and marriage and wondered whether anybody had experienced anything like it.

Basically my OH and I have been together for two years. About six months the topic of marriage came up and the OH basically said that he didn't believe in marriage. It did upset me, but I thought well it's only six months in and the OH had just had three deaths in his family to deal with and was quite down. Since then he has mentioned being married to me/what he'd want to do for his stag do/having children etc. so it didn't seem like a problem.

Anyway, this weekend we went away to celebrate two years together and after a few (hmmm) drinks and after arriving back at the hotel, my OH started making comments about wanting a baby and that I should stop taking my pill etc. I said well you'll have to marry me first before we have a baby and again the "I don't believe in marriage" "It's something we'll do eventually, but not yet" kind of thing started. I said what so he'd have a baby with me, but not commit to marriage and that marriage was important to me. I got a bit defensive and quiet. Later on he asked me what was wrong and said is it what we talked about earlier. I said yes and he said "I would get married for you. We'll get married and then we'll have kids." But I don't know whether that was just to cheer me up/appease me.

Has anybody else experienced this? He's a really lovely guy and I love him so much, but marriage is important to me and I won't have children without that family/same name unit. Might seem old fashioned, but that's just how I feel and he is well aware of this.